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Family Guy (1999– )
B*tchslaps "The Simpsons"
15 May 2003
"Family Guy" is the real deal. Although it falls just short of "South Park," "Family Guy" completely obliterates "The Simpsons," but that hasn't meant anything for the past decade because Matt Groening's brainchild totally blows.

"The Simpsons" wish they could be as sharp and witty and hilarious as "Family Guy." The Griffins rock out with their cock out. Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie and Brian surpassed the Simpsons about twelve seconds into the show's pilot episode. It was so much more fresh and funny than "The Simpsons," and it showed "The Simpsons" for what it really was: a washed-up, lame and terribly unfunny shell of what it used to be.

Seth MacFarlane gave us network television's answer to "South Park," the brightest, most intelligent show on cable. Like Trey Parker and Matt Stone, MacFarlane packed a million laughs into every minute while providing strong political and social satire. "The Simpsons" has never done that. The only show on FOX that was better than "Family Guy" was "King of the Hill," which will wrap-up it seventh sensational season this weekend despite airing alongside garbage like "The Simpsons," "The Pitts," "Malcolm in the Middle" and "Oliver Beene."

It is a shame that the show was canceled, probably to stroke Groening and company's tremendous ego, but it lives on through the wonders of DVD. The first two seasons (28 extraordinary episodes) are now available on DVD, and the third and final season (another 21 excellent half-hour installments) is due out this fall.

I also suggest watching other cult favorites such as "Duckman," "The Tick" and even "Futurama," which at times was very uneven.

"Family Guy" was an underrated and unappreciated animated sitcom. A true television gem.

***1/2 out of ****
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Get a Life (1990–1992)
This sh*t is insane and hilarious!
14 May 2003
"Get a Life" is the most f***ed up television sitcom you will ever cross paths with. It can also be one of the most hilarious shows you will ever watch. The thing with "Get a Life" is that you either get it or you don't. Some will believe it to be the dumbest piece of garbage to hit the airwaves. Others remember the show as extremely funny and original. I choose the latter.

Chris Elliott, Adam Resnick and Dave Mirkin created perhaps single most disturbing sitcom to ever grace the FOX Fall lineup. During the early 1990s, they featured the best and most unique television sitcoms...ever. They had the greatest show in the history of mankind, "Married...with Children," and several other favorites such as "The Ben Stiller Show," "Drexell's Class," "Herman's Head," "In Living Color," "Martin," "Roc" and "The Simpsons" when it was still laugh out loud hilarious, or decent for that matter. In my mind, with the exception of "Married," "Get a Life" was their best show, and as you can tell, it had quite a bit of competition with the previously mentioned sitcoms and dramas such as "Beverly Hills, 90210," "Melrose Place" and the network's eventual saving grace, "The X-Files."

Look for "Get a Life" on DVD. Rhino has not released individual seasons (both seasons) of the series, but you can find best of volumes everywhere from Media Play to Circuit City.

"Get a Life" was righteously excellent.

***1/2 out of ****.
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Married... with Children (1987–1997)
Mankind's Finest Achievement
14 May 2003
"Married...with Children" is the greatest show of all-time. No family before, during or after the Bundys will ever compare to America's first family. The Huxtables? Don't make me laugh. The Simpsons? Get a life. The Osbournes? Are you retarded, because if you like "The Osbournes," I think that you are.

Al (Ed O'Neill), Peg (Katey Sagal), Kelly (Christina Applegate), Bud (David Faustino) and Buck form the only television family that matters. Extra kudos to neighbors Steve (David Garrison), Marcy (Amanda Bearse) and the damn funny Jefferson D'Arcy (Ted McGinley) for helping expose the Bundys for who they really were: every American family. The were dysfunctional and absolutely hated one another, but they were as close as any family could be and when it came down to it, they were there for each other.

The introduction of No Ma'am, the National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood, only added to the insanity. Bob Rooney (E.E. Bell), Ike (Tom McCleister) and the incomparable Griff (Harold Sylvester) were excellent additions to an already perfect show.

"Married...with Children" obviously influenced a generation of awful rip-offs such as "Malcolm in the Middle," "Grounded for Life," "Roseanne," "Home Improvement" and so on and so forth, but no one can deny it as man's greatest achievement. Many sitcoms come close, shows such as "The Kids in the Hall," "MADtv," "Cheers," "Diff'rent Strokes," "Seinfeld," "King of the Hill," "The Wonder Years," "The Larry Sanders Show," "The Adventures of Pete & Pete," "South Park," "Maury" (yes, I mean the talk show) and "ALF," but in the end, the all pale in comparison.

It is doubtful that all eleven season of the hit series will be released on DVD, but "The Most Outrageous Episodes Volumes 1 & 2" are already available. They contain classics such as "No Chicken, No Check," "I'll See You in Court," "Raingirl" and "If Al Had a Hammer," which is my personal favorite.

To quote Eric Cartman, "'Married...with Children' kicks @$$!"

**** out of ****
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The Simpsons (1989– )
The absolute worst show on television!
11 May 2003
"The Simpsons" was at one time one of televisions greatest accomplishments. That was ten years ago. Today, "The Simpsons" is the single worst show on television.

The writing staff does not write comedy, they merely try to put all 289 characters into each crappy episode. Even when they do make an attempt at a joke it falls flat.

Plain and simple, "The Simpsons" is unadulterated rubbish, not unlike FOX's "Malcolm in the Middle" and NBC's "Saturday Night Live." Shame on the FOX Network and Matt Groening for keeping this piece of garbage on the air for fourteen seasons.

If you want real comedy, watch "Chappelle's Show," "The Daily Show," "Insomniac with Dave Attell," "King of the Hill," "The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn," "MADtv," "Primetime Glick," "South Park," and "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn."

To borrow a line Dick Vitale, "The Simpsons," and don't deny it, "flat-out" sucks!

*1/2 out of ****
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King of the Hill (1997–2010)
An American Masterpiece
21 April 2003
For those of you who are not smart enough to appreciate the brilliance of "King of the Hill," shame on you.

For those of you who already recognize "King of the Hill" as one of the greatest accomplishments in television comedy, then there is nothing left for me to say.

"King of the Hill" is simply one of those exceptional shows. Beautifully-crafted storylines and highly-developed characters drive a show, not unlike "Seinfeld," about nothing. It amazes me that Fox still airs a sitcom this intelligent in an age where they are pushing nothing but "Married...with Children" clones and rip-offs.

Thank you, Mike Judge (Hank Rutherford Hill and Boomhauer) and Greg Daniels, for creating a true television masterpiece.

Extra thanks to Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela Segall Adlon (Robert Jeffrey Hill), Brittany Murphy (Luanne Platter), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Alvin Gribble) and Stephen Root (William Fontaine De La Teaur Dauterive and Buck Strickland) as well as Lauren Tom, Breckin Meyer, Jonathan Joss, Toby Huss, David Herman, Phil Hendrie and Ashley Gardner for bringing such great characters to life.

The rest of American can take pieces of sh*t like "The Simpsons," "Saturday Night Live" and "Malcolm in the Middle." I'll stick with the best damn show on television (along with "South Park" and "MADtv").

**** out of ****
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Drexell's Class (1991–1992)
Excellent and Underrated
16 April 2003
During the early 90s, Fox featured the most impressive and diverse roster of sitcoms ever assembled. "Married...with Children," "The Simpsons," "In Living Color," "Martin," "Herman's Head," "Roc," and "Get a Life" were among the network's top programs. "Drexell's Class" was no different. Starring the likes of Dabney Coleman, A.J. Langer, Cleavant Derricks, Jason Biggs, Matthew Lawrence, Dakin Matthews, Randy Graff and Brittany Murphy, "Drexell's Class" was a critically acclaimed series noted for attempting to expand the boundaries of television comedy, as is the case for most of the sitcoms to grace Fox over the years. What made this show so memorable, however, was the great humor found in such a dark character. You see, Otis Drexell (Coleman) was forced to teach the fifth grade after being caught cheating on his taxes. It was an unbelievable premise, but no one can deny its originality.

"Drexell's Class" earns extra kudos for discovering the pie-f***ing, superglue-lubricating wunderkind Jason Biggs and Hollywood's hottest new sensation and absolute knockout Brittany Murphy.

Let's hope this show gets the DVD treatment in the near future.

***1/2 out of ****
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