Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (TV Series)

Kimmy Goes Outside! (2015)

Carol Kane: Lillian Kaushtupper

Quotes 

• Lillian Kaushtupper : Walk of shame, huh? Me too. Just sat down.

• Lillian Kaushtupper : Honey, you come back here with a job, the place is yours.

  Kimmy Schmidt : Thanks.

  Lillian Kaushtupper : Yeah. Oh! But don't wear that yellow sweater. 'Cause the Crips'll think you're in the Banana Boys. It's a new gang. There weren't any good colors left. Nice to meet ya!

• Kimmy Schmidt : Uh, excuse me, ma'am.

  Lillian Kaushtupper : You want smoke? "Herr-on"?

  Kimmy Schmidt : Um. I'm here about the ad?

  Lillian Kaushtupper : The roommate ad!

  [gasps] 

  Lillian Kaushtupper : My god. You're here about the ad! I own the building. Come on. It's a garden-level maisonette. Uh, look at you! You look so nice, and Titus is a very, very sweet boy.

  [she presses his apartment buzzer] 

  Lillian Kaushtupper : A little crusty on the outside but a soft heart - like a wonderful French roll. But black.

  Titus Andromedon : [through intercom]  Who the

  [static] 

  Titus Andromedon : is it?

  Lillian Kaushtupper : It's Lillian, dear.

  Titus Andromedon : [through intercom]  Oh.

  Lillian Kaushtupper : [to Kimmy]  It's gonna be wonderful for him to have a roommate, because he's very isolated but so talented but disillusioned. But a genius. And he's single! But very gay. And he doesn't know I placed the ad.

• Lillian Kaushtupper : When will I be gettin' my money?

  Titus Andromedon : What about my money? Slavery reparations, Lillian.

  Lillian Kaushtupper : Touché. You people have suffered.