Fresh Meat (2012) User Reviews

Fun, blood-dripping and dismembering entertainment...

[paul_haakonsen · 6/10 · 11 November 2013]

"Fresh Meat" is a tasty and lovely different dark comedy, pardon the pun.

The story is about the Crane family, who become captives by a group of criminals on the run. However, the Crane family has a secret of their own, and the lid is about to come off, and the soup in the pot is filled with various parts of meat, tasty meat, human meat...

What makes this movie entertaining is that it has just the right of dark comedy, action, thrills and satire to keep a great twist to the movie, and just when you think you got it all figured out, the movie takes another turn, thus leaving you baffled and in awe.

The characters in the movie were colorful, well thought through and executed - again, no pun intended - on the screen by the various talented actors and actresses on the cast list. And the characters were so wonderfully absurd that you can't help but get immersed into the story and it is as if you are right there in the midst of all the cannibalistic chaos.

If you enjoy movies such as "Black Sheep", then chances are very likely that you will enjoy "Fresh Meat" as well.

The ending of the movie was really the only thing about the movie that wasn't in tune with the rest of the movie. Personally I found that ending to be downright ridiculous and insulting to people in the audience who were otherwise thoroughly entertained by the movie right up to the very end, when it all crashed like glass falling on the floor. That ending was just idiotic.

"Fresh Meat" is a fun movie that will prove appealing to anyone that enjoys dark comedy and satire. And the whole part about the prophet Solomon Smith, was that a subtle sarcastic caricature on the Joseph Smith prophet from the Mormon religion? Well, I can't claim to be very traversed in neither Mormon religion or Maori religion.

Regardless, for a fun and different comedy about a very dysfunctional family, then "Fresh Meat" is a great choice.

Reaches too far

[death-hawk1 · 4/10 · 14 April 2014]

Firstly let me say that this film can only ever flop dead outside of New Zealand. It's humour is directed at New Zealanders and only them so anyone from outside these islands will only be able to watch as all the jokes fly far over their heads.

Unfortunately this film reaches too far in an attempt to combine an action with a horror/slasher film. As such it doesn't have enough action or gore to fully fit into either category and unfortunately the comedy is often sub par. While either plot could have been funny and successful singularly, there is not enough time inside 90 minutes to do them justice together.

Temuera Morrison performs well, as per usual, and is surrounded by a cast of unknown kiwi actors, which is also usual for a purely NZ film, yet unfortunately even he cannot carry this entire movie to brilliance.

I wish the cast and crew well and hope their next effort hits the mark spot on as this one was damned close.

If you are going to do a Cannibal Comedy...

[JoeB131 · 4/10 · 8 June 2020]

...you need to make sure that the jokes land. Most of the jokes here didn't.

So the plot is that a gang of inept crooks are running from the police, and intrude on a family of Maori who belong to a whacky cult of cannibals. The daughter, who was sent off to an exclusive girl's school to preserve her virginity for a sacrifice, discovers her family's "Lifestyle change" just before the crooks break in. What follows are a bunch of antics before the crooks are mostly killed or disable.

The thing is, the jokes aren't funny. The only thing that is kind of funny is Temura Morrison (Star Wars) over the top performance as the father/cult leader/frustrated professor.

There are probably some cultural things here I don't get because I don't live in New Zealand. But generally, not funny at all.

Lots of issues

[hilliws · 3/10 · 15 June 2019]

A lot of it was funny, some of it was just a bit dumb but I mostly hated the complete sexualisation and predation of the teenage girl. The 69 bondage scene was especially cringey.

Eat it

[kosmasp · 7/10 · 2 March 2014]

There are so many jokes to be made with that title, that I'm sure you'll think of some pretty good ones yourself. And as the title suggest, you will be in the loop before one of our main characters is. So the viewer is ahead on a few things (also the "arriving"/"clash" is something you'll be expecting too), that the characters aren't.

The movie will not be everyones taste (no other way to put that), but it is funny. Does it have flaws? Of course it has. But you would do the movie unjust to critique it because of it and you would hurt your own movie viewing experience by being to observing of those mistakes and flaws. Try to enjoy a fun little movie with a wicked sense of humor

You Once Were a Warrior, Temuera Morrison ...

[Coventry · 3/10 · 14 April 2013]

But now you're seemingly nothing more than a pitiful caricature of the Maori culture and inheritance you once so proudly represented. Are you really that desperate for work that you have to star in this dumb, dull, tasteless and unfunny horror comedy?? "Fresh Meat" desperately aims to come across as fresh, inventive and light-headed but instead of all this it's just downright embarrassing. Bunch of mishap criminals invade the home of a seemingly model suburbia family during an amateurish prison break. The Cranes aren't the defenseless victims that they appear to be, since they just decided to switch to cannibal cuisine! The basic premise definitely shows some potential, but absolutely nothing in this production is handled the way it should. The characters are loathsome stereotypes, the jokes and gimmicks entirely miss their effect, the plot twists are idiotic and far-fetched (even for a comedy about cannibals) and the overload of blood and gore isn't the least bit exhilarating. New Zealand already proved in the past that it can come up with ingenious and high entertaining horror comedies, like "Black Sheep" and the early Peter Jackson triumphs "Bad Taste", "Meet the Feebles" and "Braindead" (besides, writer/director Danny Mulheron is one of the creative minds behind the concept of "Meet the Feebles), but this is a total misfire.

A mildly entertaining comedy

[peter07 · 7/10 · 27 July 2013]

I saw this at Pifan 2013 in South Korea, and well, I wasn't expecting a horror comedy but got one. There were funny moments in the movie but well, the gore wasn't necessary.

I also wanted to see the actor T. Morrison but this was far from his finest hour. This film is basically a mix of gore, sex and a series of one-liners and while I didn't regret seeing this, I'm not sure I can recommend it.

I gave it seven out of ten points because there were entertaining moments, but I sure hope Morrison gets better roles to befit his acting talents.

A train wreck with few redeeming features...

[SmokeyTee · 3/10 · 28 October 2012]

Racing away to a 8.3/10 you can tell that reviewers are unbiased and informed in their opinion of films. I mean what a fantastic addition to New Zealand cinema. Not.

Firstly respect to the filmmakers for the ballsiness of casting a slightly-too-old, definitely-not-hot-enough, white girl with a mousy mustache as the to-die-for, lesbian and, most significantly, Asian hit woman. WTF..?

Clearly they wanted the kind of clichéd Anime femme fatale that runs around in ridiculous outfits designed for over-sexed 14 year old Japanese girls. You know like the hench-woman with the ball and chain in Kill Bill... You know, like a Tarantino film...

Trouble is Tarantino is derivative pap anyway, so copying him recycling someone or something else is just lame.

The film has about two good lines of dialogue which will probably (sadly, only) resonate with New Zealanders...

Its a crass, clumsy film with lots of awful, clunky, sexual sight-gags and voyeurism that seem a little out of date for today. Confessions of a Window Washer or Alvin Purple era stuff... Two captive women having to untie each other by undoing each other's ropes with their mouths, while in a top-and-tail position - i.e 69ing. Obvious and cringe-worthy... there are many such moments where the intended audience reveals itself to be 14 year old males.

There were some small charms but the characters, excepting the heroine (who was quite good), were all dull as hell. Morrison had a bit of fun in his role but it would have been nice if they had given him the chance to earn the alignment of the audience before revealing himself a crazy cannibal (who happens to be Maori). Instead he was a boring villain.

There were no surprises and the film plodded along, apeing Tarantino as it went.

The film IS clearly trying hard to do 'Tarantino': for example Mariachi music scores a gunfight during a prison escape (actual police, never mind the prison guards, don't carry firearms in this country.

The son of Mr.Cannibal is probably the worst character in the film, there is no acting involved and he is just freaking dull. Apeing Mr.Blonde in Reservoir Dogs before he butchers people he puts his headphones on and has a boogie for the camera. This might have been 'cool' if he could dance or this wasn't done in Reservoir Dogs which these filmmakers really wish they had made. the actor is a flash in the pan with one music video out so this was clearly his music to film career cross over.

It's shame he has no talent for music, dance, or acting... otherwise he'd be the total package.

Missed opportunities abound. The dialogue is lazy. See it on $1 Tuesdays on DVD.

Choice.

Needs a little more time editing, then this will be a good movie.

[face-819-933726 · 7/10 · 23 November 2013]

My aren't the Maori popular just now? Very funny film with a good solid cast of characters. Full of very dark humour, and a lot of good natured fun as well. What you get in the box: One Smokin' Aces/Domino style movie that turns into a blood fest in a house surrounded by completely incompetent police. There are really 2 separate movies here that were stitched together imperfectly, but the final result (though similar in appearance to Leatherface's mask) is a funny unique story that you will most likely enjoy. There are some deaths that make no sense though so you just have to take it at that. Enjoy because it is a bright clean and welcoming horror, and there are no dark spaces. We need more of that, real horror is a lot cleaner than the stuff we are always seeing.

Much worse than I expected

[gattler · 1/10 · 3 November 2013]

Totally gross, brutal, bloody, gory. Tarantino would be proud. However I expected a fun gangster movie, but was presented with such a gory movie, absolutely unusually brutal.

Without giving anything away in case you decide to watch it, i don't see the point why the senseless killing did anything for the plot - it didn't, it just was totally useless killing of innocent young people, kids, females. They start eating ripping out hearts and eating them while the camera points in fully glory on the scene. In case you are morbid and like slaughter-like movies without any great humor in it and just scenes of blood cut after one another, this movie is perfect for you.

Seriously I would rate this movie a Minus 10 if i could, but 1 out of 10 will do for now.

Unashamedly entertaining!

[wallacerichard25 · 10/10 · 25 October 2012]

Fresh Meat is that rare beast that you never find elsewhere in New Zealand cinema: a film that unashamedly knows its purpose is to entertain, and thus spends 90 some minutes trying to blow our heads off doing that with a heady genre mix of action, horror, black comedy, pink hot pants and even lesbian school girls.

From the opening frames- seeing a young Maori girl 'discovering' herself (and a female friend) in the shower you realise you're not in for your normal NZL film (you know… plodding… artsy… bleak… BORING AS HELL). The filmmakers seem to have their tongues firmly in cheek and want us to have a great ride. And we really do.

The pacing is excellent: it's ferocious, and doesn't let up. It reminded me of a cross between Tarantino genre homages, Bound (the Waschowski brothers' lesbian crime romp), Wes Craven's Scream, and Once Were Warriors (but only if it was remade as a zombie film). It's a heist caper crossed with a black comedy crossed with a cannibal thriller, but to pin it down to any one genre feels limiting.

The performances generally all work. However, Kate Elliott is amazing as the tough-as-nails bi- sexual co-leader of the Tan Gang, Gigi. She's hard, sexy, and talented enough to bring a great deal of heart and depth to a role in which a lesser actress would be at risk of being upstaged by those (admittedly, amazing) pink hot pants. Watching her kick ass for 90 straight minutes is worth the price of admission alone.

Hanna Tevita is great also as Rina- the female protagonist at the heart of the film. Coming home from college, she discovers that her family are actually cannibals, yet before she has a moment to process this, she has to deal with a hostage drama in which she falls in love with her captor. Great stuff, and Tevita certainly provides the necessary eye candy.

But it's Temuera Morrison that (almost) steals this film. Poking fun at his previous hard ass characters, Morrison finds the right line between deadpan comedy and all-out psychopathic rage. The scene where he interrogates Rina's love struck vegan suitor by making him eat testicles at the dinner table is seriously good, and funny as hell. Good to see Tem nailing it.

Mulheron's grounding in comedy is on constant display. (The scene where the two girls are stuck in harnesses and try to 'eat' their way out is daftly brilliant.) Mulheron seems hell-bent on touching every overly PC nerve in our collective national consciousness (to have the words Maori and cannibalism in the same sentence is risqué enough, let alone making a film about it!) and it's this sense of manic, provocative energy that sets the tone throughout.

Great to see a film that achieves exactly what it sets out to. It's an unashamedly fun popcorn movie which gave me a great night out at the cinema. Go and see this on the big screen with a beer and a big audience. Anyone who doesn't like this film should go home and watch the Piano on DVD and have a good cry instead.

Now this is comedy

[bjornrhein · 6/10 · 4 February 2024]

I saw another cannibal movie earlier today called cannibal carpet fitters wich was such a garbage movie, also suppose to be funny but could not even smile

But fresh meat was a funny cannibal movie, this is comedy, a good entertaining funny movie, good acting, good story and well done production

Its not blow you of the chair and it dont sparkle, its a typical 5-6 star comedy, I think on the minus side is the material was little week , could have needed some more ideas and the sexual parts was a bit annoying only , but yet a total ok movie

Could read some reviews that lots of people didnt like this atall, some clown thought this was worst movie ever , well guess its the same jokers who thought cannibal carpet fitters was funny.

Worst movie I've ever had the displeasure of watching

[skullhead739 · 1/10 · 8 January 2020]

This is one of the cheapest, worst film I've seen in my life. To put it in perspective, I'm a film nerd. I love films, I probably watch 1 to 3 new films every day. This has got to be top 3 worst movies I've ever seen in my life, and here's why.

Plot: The story is very random, and extremely uninteresting. The protagonists are never truly explored as to their personalities or why they are even doing what they're doing in the movie. The protagonists are even worse.. the whole time I just wished the criminals would just kill the family because wtf was the director smoking when they made such annoying and boring characters. Nothing makes sense either, with the girl from the family and girl from the criminals being both lesbians and having some attraction for each other is mind bogglingly stupid and everything that happens in this film is unbelievable and wouldnt make sense even in the dorkiest of comedies.

Cinematography: I mean I didn't expect much from a nz film. But the budget must of been mince pies... the shots are that of a high school film and the special affects and CGI is even worse.. corners were cut and so a chewed up mess is all you get.

Acting: The performances in this film are plain and simple. They're horrible. I mean I would assume the cast was never even paid with what bland, unrealistic and terrible performances they gave. Everyone seems to do a crappy job of what are already crappy characters. For example the characters constantly have guns in their face and are talking and acting as if there isn't a care in the world.. also with the protagonists turning their backs on the family as well.

Summary: Please do not waste even a minute of your life with this garbage. I usually love horror comedies or just comedies in general. Like dumb and dumber, scream etc.. but this one of the worst films I've ever seen. The story was random and didnt make any sense, mixed with a random cannibals and criminals that have no back story or relatedness to a decent plot line. Acting is horrible and unrealistic, didnt even laugh once. Characters are boring and beyond punchable. The budget is mince pies and the director is on crack. You've been warned.

Lazy Film Making

[BenjaminFransham · 3/10 · 10 April 2020]

I'm appalled that such talent assembled could create such a pile of steaming, misogynistic crap. I personally know many of the people involved, so I expected a fun, camp horror, not this tripe. The writing is particularly what lets it down. e.g. A SWAT team raids the house, and ONLY ONE OFFICER BREACHES THE BUILDING. Execrable.

good to watch if you are psycho

[krirks · 1/10 · 15 August 2015]

This is the most FREAKED up movie I have ever scene. Long story short. A gangster full of retards running away from cops into a house to hide. That house belongs to a family who enjoy eating human. Yes, human. Cannibalism. The daughter of this family just came back from dorm so she doesn't know that her family turned into cannibals. There are situations that supposed to be funny by these freaked up people. The retard gangster messed up with one another. The psycho family eventually killed some of the retards. The daughter falls in love with the bad girl who leads the retards. There are scenes that psycho family cut people's heads and other organs. Then later, the father kills the daughter's boyfriend who really love her. Cuts his freaking head right away. Lovely right? And no, that's not freaked up enough. The father tries to kill their own children, and then his wife. The daughter fights with her father and finally she burns his father alive. In the end the daughter kissed with the bad girl and might end up with her. I watched Tarantino movies. It's okay that lots of his scenes full of freaked up shite like cutting heads and bloods all over the places. It's gross but understandable because there are stories and some situations turned bad. But in this movie, it has the MAIN PLOT that supposed to be funny by these disgusting situations. I don't know why people find this entertaining by this shite at all. I regret that I happened to watch this via cable so I didn't realize about it in the first place. If you like this movie I suggest you, get an appointment with a psychiatrist right away.

Played me

[johnraya · 1/10 · 6 June 2020]

This movie had great potential, but the twist of events after "teasing" were a waste of time. I had to turn it off. It's a good thing that I watched it on Amazon Prime, because I would have walked out if it were in a cinema. The acting- not horrible, but the actors were just doing their jobs dealing with a script that should have had more rewrites. My first New Zealand film. I hope as I see more that they're not as big of a disappointment. The hook was good, but after that, I slid off of it.

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER...AND IS A LOT TASTIER

[nogodnomasters · 8/10 · 28 August 2018]

Rina (Hanna Tevita) attends an all girls school and likes to take showers. Her mother is "ubiquitous" and a famous cook. Meanwhile a rescue of Richie Tan (Leand Macadaan) is in operation. Richie has been sentenced to 12 years for murder, kidnapping, and selling fruit without a license. The two subplots come together as a home break-in, except with a twist. The family held hostage are cannibals, just wanting to eat their captors.

This is a fairly decent dark comedy with grindhouse elements. Kate Elliott as Gigi gives the film a raw sexuality, especially when coupled with school girl Hanna Teyita. I thought the film should have done a few more gags/bits before the killings, at which time the quality goes down.

Parental Guide: F-bomb, nudity (Acushla Tara Sutton)

Great movie

[Sami66 · 8/10 · 2 April 2020]

If you enjoy gore comedy, this movie is just for you . A non Hollywod movie that is worth watching indeed.

Watch the meat, son!

[roland-von-wedel · 8/10 · 27 December 2013]

"Watch the meat, son!" I actually thought the movie New Zealand film was dead after Jackson only makes main Stream and also "Black Sheep" could not start the fire. But "Fresh Meat" yes indeed is, the film sensation of the year from the land of shepherds: A mixture of "Pulp Fiction" and "The Green Butchers", a blend of from cannibalism and lesbian action: I say: thumbs up, Keep up the New Zealand! You're back on the right path, a path that once began with "Braindead" and unfortunately threatened to end in a stalemate with the "Hobbit" and has now re-elected with "Fresh Meat" the right course! Brilliant! Especially the native New Zealandish tribal action rocks. This movie is really a must see!

Finally a true original. Tired os sifting through half baked film plots ? Watch this film.

[whowatchesthewatchmanskids · 8/10 · 30 May 2019]

I hate to be so cliche' but, this movie is a true diamond in the rough. If you are tired of getting ten minutes into a dumb movie only to turn it off, this will bring back the hope that there are still good stories to be told. A healthy helping of action, a pinch of horror, a dash of gore and you have a recipe for a truly disturbing yet fun film to sate your movie watching appetite. With a love story for dessert.

Loved this movie

[mrrick-95-917432 · 9/10 · 12 February 2022]

Maybe I'm a bit weird... but I laughed a lot. Ridiculous story, badly acted, but funny and bizarre.

"her name was GG, now its Kai kai" = you have to be a New Zealander with some understanding of Te Reo to get some of the one liners, but I was entertained, and that's all I expect.

Recommended for a wet and windy day when there is nothing else to do !!!