Varsity Blood (2014) User Reviews

It made me laugh, but I don't think it was intentional (small spoilers)

[chrismackey1972 · 3/10 · 19 August 2014]

This seems to be done in the same vein as Killer Movie and other C-grade slashers. As in virtually all slasher films, this has the typical boobs, butts, blood, and gore, along with cheesy dialogue. There's one girl who refers to her breasts as "bread" and "butter" because she says they'll make her a lot of money one day. I hope so, because her acting won't, at least not as she's shown in this movie. Yeah, it's done in a tongue-in-cheek type way, but I don't know if it's on purpose, or if it just read better on scrip than it sounds when spoken. "Maybe if someone had a relationship of their own, she wouldn't be so brown-nosed in everybody's s--t," which is said to a black cheerleader, and the girl's response is, "I'm sorry, was that a racial slur?" I guess the writers thought that would be clever or funny, but it was neither, just stupid. Some of the other dialogue, specifically when the "kids" are in the house making a plan to escape the killer is really funny, but I don't think it's intentional.

As for the killer mascot costume, it's more laughable than scary. The mask from Scream was scary. The mask from this movie looks like a discarded prop from the Bozo the Clown series from the early 1980s.

I'm really tired of the cliché movies, especially in horror. One of the things I'm talking about is a 1980s horror cliché of the victim running for their lives, while the killer is merely walking after them. However, the killer still manages to catch up. Silly. It's way past time we put that cliché to rest, but they use it over and over and over again in this movie. In fact, I don't believe the killer ever runs in this film. And something that's almost certainly taken from Scooby Doo is when the killer says "You meddling kids" towards the end. I had to LMAO when that was said. Speaking of the end, if the beginning and middle of the movie wasn't enough to ruin it, that end was just...STUPID with the killer explaining why this was all done.

I gave this a 3-star rating because it was entertaining because of the bad acting from most of the "kids." Even though it was bad acting, it was funny, which made it entertaining to some extent.

The epitome of meh

[daniel-mannouch · 4/10 · 14 November 2019]

Cheerleaders, Jocks, the classic, the cliche, the ones voted most likely to die at the hands of a vicious psychopath. Varsity Blood is a hard film to describe as an experience. It does not decide if it wants to be an homage to the genre or just a straight faced contemporary example. There is little to no intentional comedy in this, so it's not a parody. I don't know.

It's not pandering, i know that for sure. Varsity Blood has little to no self-awareness and for me, that was a definite plus. The characters are also very stock for the slasher sub-genre, having sex, being dicks, making stupid decisions. The whole film can be considered quite stock really. Straightforward. This is my preferred mode when it comes to slashers, but with this approach there is no middle ground whatsoever. Unless it is embarrassingly awful or exceptionally executed, it's gonna get lost in the crowd. This unfortunately happens to Varsity Blood.

I lay the blame on the writer/director Jake Helgren as he is a TV movie journeyman and did not even have the desire to make a film that had any real quirks to it. He's good with actors it seems. Though very green, this cast display a professional level of charisma and chemistry. But where he places the camera and what he shoots in front of it, most notably a number of night scenes that I found to be too under lit, gives the film a very average feel. Not even the well executed kills get that much of a rise out of me. The atmosphere is just so tepid. Mediocre. End of story.

In conclusion, Varsity Blood is an unremarkable slasher film that has little personality and has only minimal cheerleader, or jock, oriented titillation. I can't in any right mind recommend this to anybody because it just that uninspired.

varsity snooze

[ElWormo · 4/10 · 29 May 2015]

No matter how hard they try (or don't try) modern slashers can never seem to capture the endearingly innocent goofiness and corniness of the 78-83 era. Varsity Blood is no exception, although to be fair it does at least start in the right gear. The opening few minutes got my hopes up that I was about to witness a retro slasher homage done the right way for once (the killer looked truly hilarious and the film briefly seemed like fun), but it soon shifted gears into snooze-mode.

One of my main problems was the way almost every character garbled their lines out in such a lacklustre way that half of what they said was unintelligible. I don't mind dumb dialogue, in fact I love it, but only when I can make it out. This and the total lack of screen presence of most of the cast, and the fact the plot moved slower than an iceberg chained to a wall made me give up about half way through, which I rarely do. This wasn't insultingly annoying, but should've been much more fun than it was.

Trash.

[Krackoon · 1/10 · 12 September 2014]

It's hard to think of a way to describe how completely awful 'Varsity Blood' is. It's one of those films that still hasn't gotten over the popularity of 'Troll 2,' and instead of attempting to make a watchable horror film, they think of ways to make you shut the damn thing off. Okay, we get it, 'Troll 2' was so awful that you have to enjoy it - and believe it or not, I own the DVD, but enough is enough. No film will ever be able to match the 'so bad, it's good' cult following that 'Troll 2' has, so just move on and try making a watchable film.

The acting is so bad in 'Varsity Blood,' that when you believe you found the worst actor on the planet, a new character comes into the picture and you go back to thinking it can't get any worse - but somehow it goes on throughout the film. The killers costume is dreadful, and because of the body size of the killer, you won't have any trouble figuring out the 'twist.' And when the killer does make his final appearance, you'll finally be able to solve the puzzle of who the worst actor in the film truly is.

Random Ramblings of a Madman: No one should ever see this film.

Football, Cheerleaders, Halloween, And...???

[lewis-sands · 1/10 · 19 August 2014]

The team is ready, and the girls are all in, time to have a party! Right? Besides, Halloween always makes it better! Right? All the makin's of a great ol' horror flick! RIGHT? Well..I would have enjoyed saying YES! but I can't. I just can't! Difficult movie to review. Why? Because the whole thing was a poor excuse for a horror, and a movie.(moho) maybe if the timing had been better? Or maybe if the actors meshed a little better? Or maybe if the story had...AWW! I can't, i just Can't!! Sorry folks but this movie was, to me, about as good as this review...I would give you more but i believe everyone is entitled to their own opin-viewing. Enjoy your time at the movies, i did!

A school mascot slashes teens at a pasture party in the heart of Texas

[Wuchakk · 5/10 · 3 April 2021]

Youths from the high school in Hogeye, Texas, celebrate Halloween at an abandoned farmhouse where they're picked off by someone dressed as the mascot of their school, an Indian warrior with hatchets and arrows.

"Varsity Blood" (2014) is a low-budget Indie that harkens back to the slashers of the early 80s with all the tropes thereof. I like the idea of the killer using the mascot costume of the school, which I don't remember being done before. The cheerleaders & friends are attractive in a voluptuous way with only one blonde being the thin stereotype. Lexi Giovagnoli stands out as the doe-eyed protagonist, Hannah, but there are a few other choice females.

The filmmaking is fine, especially considering the micro-budget, but the story perhaps needed more suspense. Still, I was impressed by the all-around quality of the filmmaking. The problem is the wooden acting, which makes it seem like the actors are reading their lines from a teleprompter; not all the time, but often enough that it mars the movie. All writer/director Jake Helgren needed was more professional actors, but he obviously didn't have the money for it.

Nevertheless, if you can acclimate to the stilted tone of the verbiage, this is an entertaining traditional slasher. As usual, some of the characters are repellent, but there are likable (or bearable) ones as well.

The notable football movie "Varsity Blues" (1999) was shot in the same high school where this one was filmed, which happens to be the alma mater of Helgren.

The film runs 1 hour, 27 minutes, and was shot just east of Austin, Texas, in the towns of Elgin, Smithville, Bastrop & McDade. Elgin used to be called Hogeye, the name of the town in the story, but it was changed for obvious reasons.

GRADE: C/C- (4.5/10)

Absolute trash, but great for laughs and nothing else

[dwremy · 2/10 · 11 December 2019]

This is what the Disney Channel's version of an uncut slasher movie would be. Bad acting, characters that you wish will all get killed(except for two of them), writing that will make you cringe AND chuckle at the same time, and overall dumb and forced behavior. Watch without looking for any bit of masterful acting and you'll be fine.

Cheerleader Blood

[jeroduptown · 2/10 · 18 August 2021]

The low budget horror flick could've been campy and mixed horror and humor, but this highschool cheerleader and jock killing spree was just really really bad.

I'M CALLING YOUR MOTHER

[nogodnomasters · 4/10 · 22 November 2018]

This is another teen high school slasher who-dun-it. Head JV cheerleader Ginny gets killed on Halloween and now after one year it is Halloween again. The movie gives us the usual suspects: the father of the victim who goes missing, the unstable boy from the half way house is gone, the kid who wears the mascot costume is gone, Hanna's "Carrie-like" mom, the boy who is picked on by the cheerleaders....everything but the creepy janitor. How could they miss him?

The movie gives us all the comical cliche suspects with a straight face. They should have played some "Psycho" stabbing music when they mentioned each one, and turn this into a rightful satire.

The acting was bad. However I think a special shout out needs to go to Elyse Bigler who played Heather. She was comical as she read her lines worse than a first year drama club type. Unfortunately the film didn't get any better after they killed her (oops sorry) but I felt better.

Not a great slasher. No real comedy value unless you want to play MST at home.

Adult language. Sex and nudity

Unfortunately, Varsity Blood Gets an 'L'

[Grandmaster_Slash · 4/10 · 28 July 2022]

A pack of small town jocks and cheerleaders with a dark secret head out to a remote farmhouse for a raucous Halloween pasture party, only to find themselves up for slaughter by someone dressed as their high school mascot, an Indian warrior wielding a lethal fighting ax and a bow and arrow.

What It Got Right:

• The Cover Art. This might be a trivial thing to some people, but for slasher fans, we love our cover art and this isn't bad. Granted, it's more like CGI pics of bodies stacked on top of one another rather than art, but it's trying.

• The Kills Had Heart. You could tell that this production knew that they needed to at least put a little effort into the kills, and they did. They could have easily cheeped out and did off screen kills but they didn't. Actually, come to think of it, they didn't have one off screen kill.

• Some Boobs. Like the kills, this production understood that there needed to be at least some attempted at the traditional and always fun '80s slasher gratuitous nudity. Now, could they have done better? Absolutely, the scene that they gave us was rather uninspiring, but they did make an attempt which is better than a lot of other so-called slasher movies. They could have easily added some nudity to the shower scene in the beginning of the movie, but sadly it was just a tease. Overall, they did make an attempt to supply the movie with a little nudity and that's a plus.

• The Killer's Scooby-Doo speech. Absolutely hilarious! They leaned into the cheesiness with this and it worked for me. I loved every line that came out of this actor's mouth. Pure gold.

What It Got Wrong:

• The Characters. This group was so painfully frustrating to watch. They were just a very unlikable group of people with a few blah characters thrown that were supposed to be decent. Towards the end I was actually starting to root for the Christian girl "princess" and was hoping that she would somehow become a badass and take the killer down in the end. Sadly, those ambitions were pitched.

• The 40+ Minute Gap Between the First Kill and the Rest. I almost turned the movie off at least twice, but curiosity got the better of me, and also I really wanted to see these characters get killed.

• The Kills and the Nudity. I felt that both of these things were greatly lacking, and should have been more of a priority for this production. All movies that are looking to call themselves slashers need to make these two aspects a major priority.

All in all, it's almost passable and it's not insultingly bad. It tries to be a slasher, and I can appreciate that, but in the end, this mostly amounts to a bunch of missed opportunities.

Has a certain magic

[ohara55 · 8/10 · 17 February 2015]

Wow. The expression "so good it's bad" is overused, but in Varsity Blood's case it's absolutely apropos. I was enthralled. With porn level acting, 25 to 30 year-olds playing teens, chunks of inane exposition dialog, this flick has enough cheese to keep a contingent of Frenchmen content for generations to come. I especially appreciated the waterboy character charging around with a rifle which he knows is not loaded and then the end face-off between the killer and our heroine where she waves a handgun as if it's a knife and the killer reacts as if it's one also. The movie moves along at a good pace, the limited and brief gore is decent and I liked the killer's mascot mask.

One of the better throwback slashers !

[freesquire · 7/10 · 1 November 2020]

If this film was released in 1981 it would be considered a staple of the sub-genre. That being said it is still one of the best movies made in the past decade or so that is clearly a throwback to the golden era.

The acting was above par for a low budget flick with the token most hated guy, Blaine (Blair Jackson), and the actresses who played Linda (Kiarra Hogan), Tina (Natalie Peyton) and Heather, doing a great job.

IMO one of the major flaws of the film was the final girl being miscast. Heather was the perfect final girl for the film and the actress who played her, (Elyse Bigler), is one of the most physically capable and athletic slasher chicks of all time (as well as one of the cutest).

The humor was on point and not overdone. The killer had a unique costume that worked well and the physicality to make the violence believable. The kills were standard slasher fare, which is a compliment. No need to put "avocado on the burger" (Silent Night) as they say. More suspense and atmosphere, perhaps a more ominous score and this would get a couple of bumps up and be about as good as it can get for a genre that is extremely well defined.

Won't go through the scenes as it has been well reviewed already. Just giving it a big thumbs up to those searching the reviews to see if it's a throwback slasher worth a watch.

Yes it is, put it on !

Solid end enjoyable slasher throwback

[kannibalcorpsegrinder · 8/10 · 5 October 2020]

Following a highly important football game, players and a group of cheerleaders sneak away to a remote farmhouse to have a special party alone, but when they're trapped and hunted down by a mysterious killer must race to solve their identity and motivation to get away from the house alive.

Overall, this was a pretty solid slasher throwback. One of the better elements here is the fun and straightforward setup that serves as a fun slasher entry. The small-town vibe and historical backstory that is given involving the past tragedy that haunts everyone in the community is a wholly intriguing and worthwhile setup to this one. Putting everything together with the escape attempt known early on for a perfect suspect gives everything quite a lot to like here. From there, the film has some really enjoyable stalking and slashing throughout here. The opening stalking through the gym makes for a fun time, much like the double-ambush knocking off the stragglers at the party. Since this changes things around by making them aware of the killers' presence and tries to get away, the majority of the final half is a fun series of chases around the house, out into the woods and surrounding areas resulting in some creative deaths with lots of nice gore. These are what hold this one up as there are some flaws here. One of the biggest issues here is a somewhat stagnant pace in the first half that tends to focus on introducing everything in the storyline. Getting an idea about the group dynamics and interactions, the different side stories about the history of the town and the various backstories all eat up time here which manages to hold off the group getting to the farmhouse with the backstories taking up a lot of the first half of the film. As well, there's also quite a lot to dislike within the finale where it goes off the rails with some bizarre and unnecessary twists. By being clever with the reveal and motivation, it takes way too much to believe what's going on as this seems incredibly convoluted as a means of trying to buy its actions. That also goes along with a hilariously over-the-top explanation sequence that's chuckle-inducing rather than doing anything clever or scary with this one, holding it back somewhat.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Nudity, a sex scene and drug use.

I would say give it a shot especially if you're into slasher flicks.

[gweez-37769 · 6/10 · 12 July 2015]

I have to say I actually like this film. The setup of the story is solid. I really dug the characters in this film the writer I thought did a really good job in character development don't get me wrong there is some really bad acting in this film at times and the kill scenes in this film are poorly executed but there is also some really good acting in this as well. My favorite part of the movie is when the main characters are partying at this abandon farmhouse and they find out that a killer is on the property and they are trapped there. They are in the farmhouse trying to decide their next move or fall prey to the killer. I loved what the writer also director did with this part of the movie you get a great feel for these characters some will surprise you and some is obvious but a real cool scene nevertheless. I recommend this film especially to all slasher film fans at least give it a shot.