Ted (2012)
Aedin Mincks: Robert
Photos
Quotes
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Ted : All right, kid, you win. We'll do it your way. What do you want to do? You want to play a game? It's playtime, right? We'll play a game.
Robert : Yeah, I want to play a game.
Ted : Good, good. Uh, all right. Let's see. How about... How about we play a little game of hide and seek?
Robert : I love hide and seek. I'll hide.
Ted : Wait now, hang on a sec, there. Your dad likes you to show good manners. Right, Tubby McFat-Fuck?
Robert : Okay, you hide first.
Ted : Great. Fantastic. Okay, now you count to a hundred, and then you try to find me, okay?
Robert : Okay. Uh, do I need to wash my hands before I play this game?
Ted : No. That's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting.
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Donny : Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you, but uh, my-my son and I couldn't help but admire your teddy bear.
John : Oh. Oh, thank you.
Ted : Thanks.
Donny : Yeah. I-I'm Donny, this is Robert. I, uh... I have to say, I've been following you ever since I was a young boy and, uh... and I remember seeing you on the Carson show. You were just wonderful.
Ted : Oh, yeah, that was uh... that was a weird interview. Ed thought I was ALF, and he kept muttering anti-Semitic comments.
Donny : Hey-hey um...
Ted : He thought ALF was Jewish for some reason.
Donny : Have you ever considered selling the bear?
John : What?
Ted : Excuse me?
Robert : I want it.
Ted : [defensively] Hey, I'm not an "it", pal. I'm a "he", all right?
John : [stammers and stands up while speaking in a calm tone] I'm sorry, little guy, but my bear isn't for sale. See, I've- I've had him since I was about your age. He's very, very special to me.
Robert : Stand up straight when you're talking to me.
John : Why the fuck would he say that?
Donny : Sorry, you know, you really shouldn't swear in front of children. Uh... Look, we're very interested in the bear. If- if you want to make some sort of arrangement, here's my address and phone number. And uh... you can call me any time, okay?
John : Will do. Look. Here it goes, in the really important pocket for really important stuff. Okay? Okay.
Donny : Okay.
John : See you later.
Donny : Hey. Come on, Robert.
Ted : Take it easy.
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Robert : Me and Ted are going to be best friends, Daddy.
Donny : Yes, you are, my little chipmunk. Happy playtime.
Ted : Jesus fucking Christ!
Robert : I said a bad word one time. Daddy punished me for it.
Ted : That's a great story. I felt like I was there.
Robert : Daddy gave me an ouch. Now, I have to give you an ouch.
[tears Ted's ear off]