Commercial voice-over: Do you sometimes feel irritable? Restless? Uneasy? Sad? Normal? Or just-plain not high? Maybe it's time to try CRACK.
[Stan hits the crack-pipe, hallucinates]
Commercial voice-over: CRACK may cause shivers, night terrors, gay-for-pay, heart palpitations, homicidal paranoia, or the sensation that you're on fire. Peeing blood and seeing friends faces as talking skeletons are possible side-effects of CRACK. People who use CRACK may also experience five-to-seven years in prison, where brutal raping may occur. If you experience one or more of these side-effects, consult your dealer. You may need more CRACK.