Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair (2009)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : What is that?

  Alan Harper : It's hair spray.

  Charlie Harper : Really? Hair spray. Let me see it.

  Alan Harper : No, leave me alone.

  Charlie Harper : Then what's the big deal?

  Alan Harper : It's not a big deal, just go away.

  Charlie Harper : All right. But I need you out of the house tonight so I can be alone with Chelsea.

  Alan Harper : Don't worry, I have a date.

  Charlie Harper : Another internet hookup?

  Alan Harper : Suavesingles.com. First month's free!

  Charlie Harper : Must be how they keep out the riff-raff.

• Charlie Harper : [snatching the hair spray can from Alan]  "Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair. Guaranteed to cover bald spots".

  Alan Harper : Well, it's not really a bald spot, I'm just getting a little thin on top.

  Charlie Harper : So, you're painting your head?

  Alan Harper : It's not paint. It's a specially-formulated, hair-like substance designed for the active man on the go.

  Charlie Harper : Oh, you poor, gullible bastard.

  Alan Harper : Gives me confidence.

  Charlie Harper : Okay, fine. But what happens to your confidence when your date runs her fingers through your specially-formulated, hair-like substance?

  Alan Harper : It's guaranteed not to smear, drip or ignite under normal circumstances.

  Charlie Harper : So, you're gonna spend the rest of your life spray-painting your head like it's a freeway underpass?

  Alan Harper : This is just a stopgap until the pills kick in.

  Charlie Harper : [Picking up a vial of pills]  What's this? Like Propecia?

  Alan Harper : Better. Stronger. It's from Eastern Europe, where they don't have to worry about all of those pesky FDA regulations.