Photos
Quotes
-
Hawkeye : [on why he made up a fake airline company] To help you look foolish!
Major Franklin Marion Burns : I don't need your help!
-
Major Franklin Marion Burns : You're so dedicated, so noble. Wouldn't dirty your hands with money.
Hawkeye : Are you cereal, Frank? I come from a long line of money-grubbers. My great-grandfather Tombstone Pierce made his fortune selling whiskey and hors d'oeuvres to the Indians.
Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre : Whiskey AND hors d'oeuvres, Gracie?
Hawkeye : He always said ''What's a drink without a nosh?''
-
Major Franklin Marion Burns : [giddy] My investments are beginning to pay off. Before long, my ship will be coming in to Easy Street.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Mrs. Frank Burns.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : [panicked] Where?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : I was just trying it out for size.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Beg your pardon?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Well you always said, Frank, if ever you were rich enough, you'd think about getting a divorce.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Now, hold it. Just a minute, fella. Nobody said I was rich. I said I was doing well.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : What's the difference between rich and well, Frank?
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Well... well is okay, but to be rich, you've got to be a lot weller than only well. I mean no matter how swell well is.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Frank? Frank, you're double-talking. I can always tell. Your upper lip disappears.
-
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : I sent away for these sheer hose and these spiked heels just to make myself more attractive to you.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : You didn't have to do that. I'd find you attractive if you were naked.
-
Major Franklin Marion Burns : [walks in to Radar's office, looking around to make sure no one else can hear] Corporal?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : [diligently working on a disassembled radio] Sir?
Major Franklin Marion Burns : I want to make a stateside call. it's a New York number. Canal 7-9000.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Uh, yes sir, I'll get on it first thing tomorrow morning.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Well I don't want it first thing in the morning, I want it first thing now!
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Uh, well, I can't get- uh reach them now sir. I'll be calling them yesterday
Major Franklin Marion Burns : That's ridiculous!
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Oh, no sir. They're sixteen hours behind us. Our today is their yesterday.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : It's five o'clock in the afternoon!
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Well, that's here, sir. Back there, it's one o'clock yesterday morning. Everyone's gone to bed and said, uh, "see you tomorrow!" Which, by the time their tomorrow comes, it'll be our yesterday.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Isn't it sixteen hours later there?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : No sir.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Well what if it isn't? When will it be now there if it was our today here?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : You see, we don't have the same now, sir. By the time their now becomes our now, this'll be then.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Okay. I think I got a bead on it. In order for me to talk to them at nine o'clock in the morning their time, what time does it have to be our when?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Uh, one o'clock our tomorrow morning will get you nine o'clock their today there, sir.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : Then THAT'S what we'll do!
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Yes sir, as soon as I get a circuit. There's a two day wait.
Major Franklin Marion Burns : I can't wait two days! That'll be...
[counts under his breath]
Major Franklin Marion Burns : three days ago!
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Right!
