- Mail call yields goodies like photos and cookies (Trapper) and a huge knitted sweater (Hawkeye) but Henry gets only canceled checks. Frank's stock portfolio doubled since the war began but when he tells the guys they are less than thrilled. Margaret takes it as a near proposal of marriage. Klinger's father is dying for the 18th time; his file is full of familial death and pregnancy. Frank finds Hawkeye's letter to his father about Pioneer Aviation so Frank asks Radar to cable his brokers to liquidate and buy Pioneer. Radar has a pen pal named Mary Jo Carpenter; he tells Hawkeye he sent Mary Jo Hawkeye's own photo and other info. Trapper gets ripped and packs to go AWOL. Will Radar 'fess up to Mary Jo? Will Trapper stay? How will Frank enjoy not being a millionaire?—LA-Lawyer
- Margaret talks marriage to Frank while Hawkeye tries to trick him into a phony stock investment , Klinger tries to convince Col. Blake that a 'death in the family' letter came for him (Klinger) in the mail bag, and a drunk Trapper tries to go AWOL to be with his family.—shepherd1138
- Mail call yields goodies like photos and cookies from the family (Trapper) and a huge knitted sweater (Hawkeye) but Henry gets only check stubs, bank checks and canceled checks (he is frustrated that his wife wants him to balance the checkbook 20000 miles away from home). Henry was expecting a cake. The checks include a $236 vet bill for treating a 15 yr old cat. Frank's stock portfolio doubled (He is now $2000 richer within a month) since the war began but when he tells the guys they are less than thrilled. Frank goes running to Houlihan to share the great news of his increasing wealth. Margaret takes it as a near proposal of marriage. But Frank says that he is not yet rich enough to afford a wife and a ex-wife.
Hawkeye decides to teach Frank a lesson and writes a letter to his father, and pretends to hide it under his pillow. In that letter Hawkeye talks about a stock tip on Pinoneer Aviation which is about to get a big defense contract and is currently selling cheap for $2/share. Hawkeye asks his father to sell all his assets and invest everything in pioneer aviation.
Klinger's father is dying for the 18th time; his file is full of familial death and pregnancy. Father dying, mother dying, Father dying and older sister preggers, older sister dying and mother preggers, younger sister preggers and older sister dying, half of the family dying and the other half preggers, Klinger has tried it all. Klinger admits he is ashamed and says he does not deserve to be in the army. Next, Klinger claims that he is a communist. Henry refuses to buy it. Frank finds Hawkeye's letter to his father about Pioneer Aviation so Frank asks Radar to cable his brokers (Henderson, Flanders and Flynn in Wall Street New York) to liquidate and buy Pioneer. He tells Margaret who wants Frank to get a divorce, but Frank instead offers Margaret an apartment back home and $100/month as allowance (he says in the event of a divorce, his wife would get half of everything he has). Margaret reminds Frank that she earns $400/month today and tells Frank to get out.
Radar has a pen pal named Mary Jo Carpenter (In Montana); he tells Hawkeye he sent Mary Jo Hawkeye's own photo and other info, as there is no way any girl would be interested in Radar's profile. Radar plans to explain the reality of his situation by saying that he got hurt in the war by stepping on a mine. Mary wants to know Radar's feelings and that's where he needs Hawkeye's help. Hawkeye refuses and says that the feelings need to come from Radar and not anyone else. Radar decides to be honest with Mary in his next letter, about his true looks. Trapper gets ripped and packs to go AWOL as he is missing his family THAT much.. He feels very lonely and plays the piano (out of tune) at the officer's club. Hawkeye talks sense into Trapper that he will be locked for desertion. They both tell Frank that there is no pioneer aviation.
Frank has to grovel Margaret to take him back.
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