Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates Funerals (2006)

Tyler James Williams: Chris

Photos 

Quotes 

• Thug #2 : Hey, little dude from across the street, here you go man.

  [hands Chris some money] 

  Chris Rock : What's this?

  Thug #2 : I robbed your grandfather a few times. I ain't know you knew him!

• Gene : Okay, knock, knock.

  Chris Rock : Who's there?

  Gene : [clutches his chest in discomfort]  Oh, Lordy.

  Chris Rock : Oh, Lordy who?

  Gene : I'm dying.

  Rochelle : I'm dying who?

  Gene : I'm having a heart...

  [collapses on the table] 

  Tonya : You're having a heart who?

  Rochelle : Daddy?

  [Gene doesn't answer] 

  Rochelle : Daddy. Daddy?

  Narrator : I never did find out who was there.

• Ms. Morello : Chris, why don't you stand up and tell the rest of the class what you're discussing with Gregory.

  Chris Rock : My grandfather died.

  Ms. Morello : Chris, that's not funny. What are you going to do when your grandfather dies for real? Just because you didn't study for a test doesn't mean you can go killing off your family. Who's next? Your father, your mother? Why don't you kill your sister or your brother?

• Maxine : Rochelle, can't you make a decent glass of iced tea?

  Chris Rock : Well, can't you leave her alone? It's iced tea! If you're thirsty, well, then you drink it! If you're not, don't!

  Narrator : I might be joining my grandfather sooner than I thought.

  Maxine : Are you going to sit there and let that boy talk to me like that? Boy, don't you know I'll knock you into another family?

  White Mother : [scene cuts to Chris sitting on a couch with a white family]  Who are you?

  Chris Rock : You don't want to know.

• Gene : Knock, knock.

  Chris Rock : Who's there?

  Gene : Pass me them pork chops.

  Drew : Pass me them pork chops who?

  Gene : No, pass me them pork chops right there.

  [everyone laughs] 

• Julius : Chris, you know you're going to have to apologize to your grandmother.

  Chris Rock : How come? She's the one who's been mean to Mom.

  Julius : She's hurting, Chris, and your mother is, too. I know you're trying to protect your mother, but trust me, you do not want to get between the two of them. You ain't gonna win that one. I'm already going to one funeral. I ain't trying to go to another one.