Dead Clowns (2004) User Reviews

Truly the epitome of "a waste of time".

[lunatickittyn · 1/10 · 2 August 2007]

This movie was terrible.

Now, I'm a cheesy horror fan as much as the next person, and I can certainly appreciate a good low-budget gore-fest. But this movie? Low-budget: yes. Gory? Hardly.

I have never been so utterly bored in my life waiting for something to happen. After looooooong and beyond pointless shots of stock-footage hurricanes, looooooong and beyond pointless shots of random people walking slowly around looking at things like they've never seen them before... ("wow.... I'm in my house but... this wall... it's just... fascinating... I'm going to.... stroll past it... and stare... wow..."), and some kid snorting sugar -er- cocaine, the movie finally did something interesting.

No, wait, that was just me hitting the forward search button in an effort to get to this gore I was promised. Well, I want my 30 minutes back. Terrible, terrible effects. Stupid rubber masks, bad fake blood, HORRIBLE acting (and yes, I realize with a crappy indie horror, that's to be expected, but the acting in this garbage was utterly atrocious on EVERYONE'S part except for Brinke Stevens. She was relatively convincing, especially compared to the rest of the drivel she was put up beside), bad bad bad sound, and just, GAH. It was so frickin' bad. I had to turn it off because my head was getting ready to explode from the lame crap I was seeing.

Thank the gods I did not pay for this crap. Even so, I think I am owed compensation for putting myself through even part of this. Yeah, that's right. That moron should be paying people to watch this.

And even then, I would have trouble agreeing.

It's quite simple...don't wast your time.

[commodoresx64 · 1/10 · 8 February 2008]

Generally I have a tolerance for bad films. But I was fast forwarding pretty quickly through this one.

Plot: 50 year old zombie clowns come back from an underwater grave after a storm.

The Good:

1. I felt like I was in a storm. 2. Special effects are impressive. 3.The calliope was actually creepy

The Unforgivably Bad:

1. Acting was bad even judged by it's peers. A Speak-And-Spell would have delivered more convincing inflections in the dialog. 2. The pacing of this stormy film was like water torture. 3. There was no characterization, I felt more sorry for the clowns than the people. 4.This film was ever made.

I would highly recommend you go outside and take a walk. It's beneficial for you and staring at the pacing pavement is a more fun way to spend your 90+ minutes. I just don't see any merit in watching this film.

Awful. Terrible. Boring. Furthest thing from scary. Laughable.

[bernzabub · 1/10 · 23 October 2007]

Stay away from this movie. The filmmakers don't know the first thing about creating suspense or fright. Why wouldn't you have the actors scream? They're being attacked by zombie clowns, for frick's sake! One guy wouldn't even scream as his arm was being sawed off. Maybe the actor knew how horrid the movie was right from the get-go. The pacing is ludicrously slow and plodding. No one is going to be scared by this or even find this entertaining. I love my zombie movies and was looking forward to this as the mythology of it seemed amazing. Clowns left to die under water. Very cool. But it's this script should've been left there. That would've been cooler.

I know I gave this 1 out of ten but that's only because I couldn't find the -36 on the scale.

less scary than an actual circus

[hadmatter · 28 July 2007]

In Dead Clowns, Lions Gate Entertainment demonstrates once again that their distribution wing is located several stories below the barrel that other studios only dare to scrape the bottom of. First allow me to set the stage by quoting from the marvelous plot synopsis located on the back of the packet: "As a hurricane approaches the small coastal town of Port Emmett, an innocent group of residents are {sic} visited by an unspeakable horror. Fifty years ago a bridge collapsed in the small town, plunging a circus train into the dark water below. The clown car was never recovered. {emphasis mine} Tonight the zombie clowns emerge from the bay to exact revenge on the descendants of those who left them buried under the silt and mud for half a century." Given that this synopsis contains the immortal phrase "The clown car was never recovered", which causes me to erupt with spontaneous laughter every time I hear it, rest assured that I was not expecting a high quality piece of entertainment. What I was expecting (unfortunately for me) was some piece of entertainment...

Dead Clowns starts with a ponderous lead-in filled with insistent nature shots, which neither reinforce the important fact that a hurricane is supposed to be coming, nor even adhere to any particular continuity concerning the time of day. The ostensible purpose of these scenes is actually to introduce the audience to our cast of low-rent victims, but Brinke Stevens as the adult woman who grew up in Port Emmett, and is now returning to show her husband her home-town, is the only one of particular significance.

She will soon be picked off, like everybody else in Dead Clowns, but her role actually serves a purpose. Unable to afford to show the circus train crash, writer-director-composer Steve Sessions opts instead to have Brinke Stevens' character recount the tale to her husband. One gets the impression that Stevens thought they would be cutting away from her monologue, or at least overlaying her with milky stock footage of a train and a few notes of public domain calliope music, but there was nothing. Just Brinke Stevens in a crummy motel room, looking out at the gentle breeze and smattering of raindrops that was standing in for an oncoming hurricane.

Eventually, the titular clowns arrive, after some underwater footage showing the cheerfully-clad corpses shuffling through the silt. The clowns themselves look like they might have spent five decades under water, all rot and rubber and no lips. But their clown suits are inexplicably brand new, right down to their white, white gloves. Even in the underwater shots. And somehow they manage to eat the citizens of Port Emmett (quite sloppily, in long drawn-out scenes of cannibalism accompanied by celery-biting, pasta-slurping sound effects) without ever getting blood on their outfits. After chewing his way through a screaming teenager who was spewing blood, a zombie clown still wears an unblemished ruffle around his neck. Did Sessions have to return these clown suits to a rental place after filming? This obviously-shot-on-video effort does nothing to legitimize DV as a medium, nor does it add anything to the recently-bloated zombie genre. At least the actors generally seem to be acting, which puts Dead Clowns solidly ahead of many other LGE offerings, but few of them are successful in their thespian attempts. The utter lack of tension can't be blamed wholly on either the script or the cast, but the two of them together conspire to keep all semblance of fear or suspense (or audience involvement) as far away from the viewing experience as possible. You would think that any director could take the premise "zombie clowns" and make at least one interesting thing happen (be honest, you thought of at least one interesting thing just now, didn't you?) and in this respect, Steve Sessions has managed to deliver a shock.

I liked the story......

[moonpig82 · 3/10 · 18 November 2007]

I knew this movie was low budget and i wasn't expecting a masterpiece but this was still a letdown. The picture was awful, it looked so bad in parts it actually hurt my eyes. The sound was pretty bad in places too but that didn't seem to matter as the entire story was explained to the audience in the first 15 minutes. Where were the characters? I wasn't expecting a really detailed background for each character but most of them weren't even given names. One of them is known in the credits as the tormented woman. Why was she tormented? We're never told. All she did was wander around her house. The acting was passable except for when it came to the attack scenes. There was no reaction from any of the actors. They just stood and stared as if seeing a zombie clown in your kitchen is the most natural thing in the world. If the actors don't act scared or even bothered then the audience won't be either. It's a shame because i liked the story, the clowns and effects were fine and the movie does have something about it that kept me watching. If it had better actors and a bigger budget this could have been very decent but as it is i wouldn't recommend it. I've watched a lot of horror films and while this wasn't the worst in terms of plot and what happens, it's the most poorly shot film that i've ever seen.

Low Budget doesn't even begin to describe this mess

[bladingfp · 1/10 · 9 December 2007]

The production of this thing looks like a local cable access show with the production budget of an 8th grade film class. There is no score, no screenplay, no lighting. It is often so dark that you can't even see who's who (not that we care). The sound is so bad that you can even hear what they are saying (again, not as if we care). The "actors" look and sound like they were pulled off the street to make a movie; "just stand there and read this!". In reality, it isn't even a movie; just really bad hurricane footage borrowed from some local cable access news show with a $100 camcorder and some people in cheesy Dollar Store clown masks. I have no idea how it even made its way onto our local cable pay-per-view line-up. Customer service actually said it was "an error in programming" and promptly credited our account the $4.00.

This movie blows balls!

[xxsquidgetxx · 1/10 · 24 November 2007]

Jesus Freak ME Christ.. How freakin gay can you get? I mean really.. This other a-hole wrote on here that this film was "GREAT FOR THE BUDGET HE HAD!!" what was the freakin budget, $1.50?!? Seeing my grandma naked in the shower is more terrifying than this piece of poop. Anyone who has a problem with what I just said, or whoever wants to question my criticism, go buy a bag full of male genetalia, eat them, then choke and die. Don't freakin watch this malarkey it sucks. And the one star I gave, this freakin piece of dookie doesn't even deserve it. I just put that because there was nothing lower. Screw this movie, IN THE BUNG HOLE! Now I have to pretend to write more freakin text about this movie.. but it sucks. There's not enough gayness in the world to be able to describe this stupid freakin movie in 10 lines. Except the fact that I'm seriously thinking of suing the people that made this movie for mental anguish. THIS SUCKED! BOO!

Out of the Fog comes zombie clowns

[lastliberal · 2/10 · 30 July 2008]

I've seen this before at least twice. Many have seen the Fog and the premise is basically the same, but the Fog was much better.

Zombie fans may have also seen Zombie Lake. A Jesus Franco production that was not much better, but it had features this film could only dream of.

I only watched this to see Debbie Rochon. It was also nice to see Brinke Stevens, as I will delve more into her later. Fans of either Scream Queen will be disappointed, but if you are not a fan of either, you will be disgusted at the low quality of this film.

Zombie clowns eating body parts, but that's it.

Bozo Is Spinning In His Grave.

[Bill357 · 2/10 · 26 July 2009]

Apparently made by and for clowns, Dead Clowns is an inept rip-off of The Fog.

First of all, I don't buy the story that a train full of clowns would plunge into a body of water without at least an attempt made to recover the corpses, even in the 1950's. Secondly, I don't believe for one minute that someone wouldn't have erected some kind of a monument, not even in a local cemetery.

However, I'll give director Steve Sessions some credit for being one of the few low-budget filmmakers to understand that a film is primarily a story told in pictures and not endless streams of worthless dialogue, but he loses all points gained by loading the film down with endless scenes of characters doing lots of mundane things like Brinke Stevens removing her contact lenses, the guy in the wheelchair taking out candles from a drawer, and the night watchman preparing a line of cocaine. These things just bloated the running time and made the movie more boring. Also, what's with the camera always being on the floor constantly photographing the clown's feet? Is this movie called Dead Clowns or Night Of The Living Clown Shoes?

Most of the dialogue is drowned out by the blaring music and rain sound-effects, causing most of the zombie clown's back-story to be nearly inaudible. This is unacceptable.

The serial-killer couple are obnoxious and pretty pointless. What was the reason of making them murderers? Was it to solely to show a priest getting his brains blown out? I found it pretty laughable that this bonehead tries so hard to stop the zombie clown attack. Does he feel like he's the only one entitled to murder people? Last but not least, the method used to (temporarily) repel the dead clown attack is horribly silly. Mr. serial killer makes a memorial sign with a piece of poster-board and a Sharpie and places it on the bank. That's all they wanted?!

Not All THAT Bad

[Scars_Remain · 5/10 · 20 April 2008]

I found this movie in the bargain bin at a local movie store and decided to give it a whirl. It's a pretty average independent film with a couple of good things about it. It's gotten a lot of flack from users on this site and don't think it's quite as bad as they've all been saying. Yes, it's pretty bad, but I was thoroughly entertained through most of the film and may even keep it in my collection.

The acting is a miserable waste. That's really all you can say about it. I thought the story was interesting enough and kept me entertained. Let's get to the gore. I thought the gore in this movie was fantastic! It's always nice to see a modern movie that uses actual special effects and not CGI. It felt like a throw back to 70's and 80's gore. I liked the movie but didn't love it.

I really don't know whether to recommend this one or not. It's pretty poorly done but has some good points. I guess just see it for yourself and decide that way.

Best Movie Ever... If you Love Movies That Really Suck

[burningmonuments · 1/10 · 5 October 2007]

I'm a big zombie/horror movie fan. Not a huge buff... not obsessed... but I thoroughly enjoy the violence, blood, gore, death scenes, screams, etc. Demented much? Anyway, so I was checking out the horror movie On Demand list and we chose Dead Clowns. Read the little description, thought it would be corny as hell, but fun to watch... like most horror movies now-a-days. I'm sipping a beer and my two year old daughter isn't even scared of this movie. It's just laughable. If the actors were half-way convincing it would have been so much better. Even tolerable. And the Security Guard at the movie theater? Come on, man. If that little "Emo" douche bag can't lift a fifty pound board off of his body, why the hell is he allowed to go into the theater alone at night to make sure everyone is out of there and lock up the place? He snorts sugar for god's sake. At least the clown did him a favor and cut his arm for him. Hahaha. I just wish the clown could have crawled through my t.v. and cut out my eyeballs.

Dead Clowns should stay dead

[drnrg31 · 7/10 · 1 September 2008]

here is my question: Why do clowns always get a bad rap in horror movies.

I'm now 3 for 3. Fun Park, Tormanted and now Dead Clowns. I've yet to see a good Clown horror movie that doesn't look like it cost $5.00 to make. I'm pretty sure both Brinke and Debbie split $2.50 between each other and bought a taco after filming.LOL!

The premise goes as follows. A train wreck filled with Circus personal falls off a bridge during one of the town's most devastating hurricanes ever. The cab where the clowns resided is never recovered and thought to be lost underwater. Some years later ,the clowns rise form the dead and go on a killing spree throughout the town on a really bad stormy night. Great idea and the clowns themselves don't look half bad. Aside from the spotless and may I add;very dry clown suits, they actually resemble Zombie clowns. Actually even taking a history page from Lucio Fulci's Italian zombies. Sounds like the ingredients for a pretty decent horror film ,right? Wrong. Dead wrong!

Here is the thing, you cast two scream queens like Debbie Rochon and Brinke Strevens and you expect at least some screaming. I've never seen the actresses so uninterested in acting as this time around. At least Brinke gets to tell the premise of the story and dies in the first half hour. Debbie doesn't even get one line. Not even a character name. She is billed as tormented woman and spends half the movie under the stairs.

The rest of the cast is just thrown in for story sake. Four synchronized story lines to be exact. Brinke and her husband, Debbie, wheelchair guy , druggie security guard and fugitive couple who have just killed a priest or something.

Al four stories are are totally inane and ridiculous. Not one of the actors shows and emotion or horror as they are chased around their houses by Zombie Clowns. It's almost as if they are playing hide go seek with their nephews. Did I mention that 3 out of the four story lines don't even contain dialog. This would make Tarrantino throw up.LOL! The one good thing is the gore. I've seen reviews complaining about little to no gore, but the version I watched had some pretty gory scenes. Cheesy, but gory. One of the victims provides a ten minute buffet for the Clowns. Again done in Italian Fulci fashion with a little Ruggero Deadoto cannibalism thrown in. This saves the movie from total abomination, but still could have been so much much better.

Final thoughts. Directors and producers, don't be afraid to spend a little when making a horror movie. Lighting, sound, script and for Pete's sake a little dialog, especially when you manage to cast Debbie Rochon in your flick. She is a certified SCream Queen!

Nothing happens.

[venerealagony · 1/10 · 26 May 2016]

Holy f**k, this film is terrible. As stated above, nothing happens throughout the dread-filled hour and a half. First off, you kill off Brinke Stevens without even giving her a decent roll; given me a break. Then for the rest of the film we're treated to several characters with little to no personalities. This movie makes me f*****g sick. Not just because it's terrible, but because it's not even a good kind of terrible. You take a premise of dead clowns that come back to kill off everyone in their sight and you have the possibility of a nice little campy film. Utter bull***t; Everyone dies, the clowns win at the last second, whatever.

Dead Clowns! Dead and Buried! And that's that

[jamesbourke50 · 13 September 2004]

There will be times in a movie collectors life, when he or she will purchase a movie based solely on hype alone, or maybe just mere whispers that they might have heard through the grapevine.

Such was the case with Steve Sessions latest movie "Dead Clowns" now if you ever visited the web site dedicated to David Decoteau, run by Eric Spudic, the man himself has never been been short of mentioning his own movies within the said site.

This was were i spotted the possible potential behind the movie itself, i believe if memory serves, Spudic served up a still of himself playing a character confined to a wheelchair, Anyway, the title alone should sell the movie. Remember movies like "Killers Klowns From Outer Space" or even "Clownhouse" Two very different movies with varying approaches to both mood and style with perhaps a dash of wit and menace thrown in for good measure.

Alas, "Dead Clowns" Presents nothing of any of those qualities. Perhaps Budgetary constraints, i guess we'll never know. However if you borrow the basic premise from John Carpenter's "The Fog" of course putting putting your own unique spin on it. You would expect to gage some sort of entertainment value from the proceedings, do anyone remember the movie "Vulgar" made by people who should have known better.

One things for sure though, for marquee value if nothing else, Sessions does know how to fill his movie, with the likes of Debbie Rochon and Brinke Stevens being his main two stars. Actually come to think of it, they were the only two stars. Utilising Brinke Stevens to tell the grisly story of how the Dead Clowns came to be fifty years previous, always a good plot devise, when you obviously don't have the money to show it.

As the the Dead Clowns themselves, a motley crew at best, wearing what clowns should wear, although bearing a very striking resemblance to the zombie's within Lucio Fulci's Zombie, The movie was just too dark, so dark you'd need a flashlight to watch it, even in this Unrated version courtesy of a Company called Crypt Keeper, the gore was obscured by the need of the director feeling like he wanted to prolong proceedings.

The version i purchased came in at 111 Minutes. Too long, very uninvolving, a very nice idea, however poorly executed. Perhaps in the hands of someone with a keen eye, and a sharper imagination, Dead Clowns could really have been something, instead, it's just another movie trying to cash in and make out, failing badly.

Dead Clowns! Dead and Buried! and that's that.

Clown Zombies

[noah-65732 · 4/10 · 18 November 2023]

Don't expect much from this film except for a few good moments. It's about a train that derailed during a hurricane in the 1950s and a circus clown car that completely disappeared and was never found. Years later when another hurricane hits the area, the rotted corpses of the clowns rise out of the bottom of the ocean for revenge. The clown zombies are well-done, there are a few wince inducing gore scenes and a few suspenseful parts as well. However, Dead Clowns pretty much fails on every other front; the camerawork is amateur at best, the plot is nonexistent and the acting is beyond horrible. Another problem is that this film takes too long to get going, when you're dealing with bad acting at this level, over a half hour of dialect is enough to ruin a film, which it does. Though Dead Clowns is far from being the worst zombie movie, it offers nothing new or creative to the genre. I only recommend this to hardcore zombie movie fans.

Don't waste your time

[don-93090 · 1/10 · 29 March 2017]

This is one of the worst wastes of time I've ever sat through. Having said that, there's a place for movies like this. My daughter (18 at the time) and a bunch of friends brought this over to watch. The best part of the whole experience was the cracks I and others got to make about how bad it was. If every trying to win a "who can bring the worst movie" contest....this is your blue ribbon.

Best way I described the acting: "Ok, I'm guessing the guy directing this had to offer this woman a part at 3:00 a.m. in his Dead Clowns movie to get laid that night". That's my guess on much of how the casting and acting was done.

I never write reviews or take time for this stuff....but this deserved it. I was looking up "Dead Clowns" to remind my daughter of it when I saw the new trailer to "IT" by Steven King coming out this year.

Where do I start?

[luis691991 · 1/10 · 13 February 2011]

Goodness me, this was really really bad. Im not gonna give the story away because hopefully this review will deter you enough not to watch this crap. If this movie was a Scottish football team it would definitely be Dross County. The acting is abysmal, as too the directing, editing, score and story. Why would anyone put their name to something so cheaply done. Low budget should not be an excuse because a low budget doesn't cover crap talent in basically every department. Its really not scary either, seriously come on, make an effort at least. Oh and if you're gonna show scenes of a storm try not to get them from the local news station. CHEAP! I think to sum this 'movie' up (and trust me I use the term 'movie' very loosely) is 'lack of effort'. Its as if me and my mates decided on a rainy Sunday morning to make a movie with the editing being done on Windows Movie Maker and releasing it to the world later that same day. All in a days work. Seriously world, keep away! I know seeing is believing but don't even bother, for your own sake just take my word for it. Complete tripe.

Send In The Zombie Clowns

[lovecraft231 · 1/10 · 6 February 2010]

"Ever get the feeling you've been cheated? Good night!"

So said John Lydon in what was supposed to be the final Sex Pistols show. I never was a fan of the Pistols, but I feel that said quote is appropriate here. The band performed a cover of The Stooges classic "No Fun", then called it a night. That was the whole show. If they had gone off like that and remained split up, I would probably have more respect for them. The audience wasn't the least bit happy, which is how most should feel after seeing Steve Sessions' 2003 movie "Dead Clowns"-especially when you first read it's synopsis. What could have been a decent low budget gem is instead a dull, incompetent mess.

The plot at first reads almost like a Troma movie-fifty years ago,a hurricane caused a circus train accident, which killed off several clowns. The town has mostly forgotten about this incident. That is, until another Hurricane is coming, and before you can say "Send in the clowns", here they come-undead, angry, and without flowers that squirt water.

Amazingly, the movie decides to play itself straight for the large part, avoiding what could have been a sub Troma level Horror Comedy. It's also obvious what Sessions influences are here-John Carpenter's "The Fog", the zombie films of Lucio Fulci, and Amando de Ossorio's "Blind Dead" series. It obviously means well-it's atmospheric and gory enough-but the whole thing is a chore to watch. Why's that? Well for one thing, for all it's atmosphere, it doesn't know what to do with it. The movie just plods along, with events and kills occurring without any real interest or energy. There's no real story arc to it either. Sure, it has a plot, but the whole thing feels like it has no interest in doing anything as far as characters and story goes. And the characters are dumb too, and not amusingly dumb. They behave stupidly and barely even try to escape the zombie menace before them-as if they are practically begging to be killed. Let's also not forget the solution to stopping these Undead Bozos, which sets new standards for terrible plot devices in zombie movies.

It particularly sucks because the idea of Zombie Clowns is a novel one, and it's obvious that Sessions' heart is in the right place. The problem is that the whole thing-from the script to the direction and so on-is so poorly put together that it fails in nearly all accounts. It's best that you skip this one. I wish I had another clown joke to make, but alas.