What always burns me on a film like this, the producers have made no effort to consult a military expert for anything. Set design, uniforms, weapons, etc. These guys just wing it. Navy uniforms that look like someone just pulled them out of a hamper. Army rank insignia on the collars. (I was in the Army for 28, I know the difference). The lady JAG officer with her long hair, fail! The undisciplined SEaLs with their nervous twitching and whining; the gigantic cabins; the sailors constantly saluting everyone in sight; a Bell 222 (American) helicopter used by the Russian terrorists; so much silliness. Why is it only Hanks and Spielberg can make a good military movie? Officers eating with the junior enlisted? Candles on the dinner table? WTF? Okay, I can't watch anymore....Stopping at 23 minutes.
17 Reviews
Submarines is dead on arrival
tarbosh220004 December 2010
Warning: Spoilers
After 9/11, Nu-Image apparently decided to do their part and make some patriotic movies based on each branch of the military under the banner of the American Heroes Series - Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. At least we think that was the idea. Unfortunately, these films, while extremely well-intentioned, are without character development and thus you cannot care about what goes on. The exception that proves the rule is Special Forces, which is actually good. The movies are Submarines, Marines, Air Strike and Special Forces.
In this mindless undersea outing, Robert Miano plays basically the same character he does in Ministry of Vengeance (1989) - a cloak-wearing Islamic terrorist named Sajid Kahn. He loves filming his murder and mayhem on a little video camera and seems to be obsessed with CNN. He mentions it often and even namechecks Wolf Blitzer. Terrorists being fans of The Situation Room explains a lot, actually. So naturally this baddie hijacks a submarine and makes life a living hell for the crew of a fellow sub populated by the good guys.
But our heroes have enough problems as it is, as the Captain crashed into a Russian sub and his crewmates have nicknamed him "Captain Crunch". Besides dealing a crushing blow to his ego, it has severely impeded his ability to fight The Soggies.
Thus follows a lot of chasing, shooting, water filling the sub and other pitfalls that can befall a submarine. That includes a lot of CGI water and torpedoes. Yes, I said CGI WATER. Also not only is the dialogue complete gobbledygook (and from what some sources say, completely inaccurate), but it is also garbled and hard to hear. Perhaps they were ashamed and they turned the volume down.
This is another straight to video product where the cast all closely resemble other stars. The lead guy (sorry we haven't mentioned his name, but names are either never said or impossible to hear), SHOULD have been played by Treat Williams. The presence of Treat would have added a lot. But in actuality this is nothing more than a standard, dumb sea slog that makes Counter Measures (1999) look like a masterpiece. Heck, it makes the little seen William Shatner vehicle Falcon Down (2000) look like a work of art.
Submarines has no human interest, no personality and no reason to watch. You're constantly shouting at the screen "who are these people?" - referring both to the actors and the characters they are playing. At least Counter Measures has the presence of Dudikoff. Submarines has nothing to recommend it, really.
In this mindless undersea outing, Robert Miano plays basically the same character he does in Ministry of Vengeance (1989) - a cloak-wearing Islamic terrorist named Sajid Kahn. He loves filming his murder and mayhem on a little video camera and seems to be obsessed with CNN. He mentions it often and even namechecks Wolf Blitzer. Terrorists being fans of The Situation Room explains a lot, actually. So naturally this baddie hijacks a submarine and makes life a living hell for the crew of a fellow sub populated by the good guys.
But our heroes have enough problems as it is, as the Captain crashed into a Russian sub and his crewmates have nicknamed him "Captain Crunch". Besides dealing a crushing blow to his ego, it has severely impeded his ability to fight The Soggies.
Thus follows a lot of chasing, shooting, water filling the sub and other pitfalls that can befall a submarine. That includes a lot of CGI water and torpedoes. Yes, I said CGI WATER. Also not only is the dialogue complete gobbledygook (and from what some sources say, completely inaccurate), but it is also garbled and hard to hear. Perhaps they were ashamed and they turned the volume down.
This is another straight to video product where the cast all closely resemble other stars. The lead guy (sorry we haven't mentioned his name, but names are either never said or impossible to hear), SHOULD have been played by Treat Williams. The presence of Treat would have added a lot. But in actuality this is nothing more than a standard, dumb sea slog that makes Counter Measures (1999) look like a masterpiece. Heck, it makes the little seen William Shatner vehicle Falcon Down (2000) look like a work of art.
Submarines has no human interest, no personality and no reason to watch. You're constantly shouting at the screen "who are these people?" - referring both to the actors and the characters they are playing. At least Counter Measures has the presence of Dudikoff. Submarines has nothing to recommend it, really.
Worst Ever
bowlcoach-1135823 October 2021
Not Much On Realism
tvminor3 October 2003
Pretty good entertainment, but if you want realism with regard to life aboard a US Nuclear Submarine, watch "The Hunt for Red October" instead. A poor plot, mediocre acting, and not much suspense. I wouldn't waste my money if I were you...... Just my humble opinion!
Not worth renting, viewing or even the effort to throw away
k_schember24 December 2005
I read the comment about adding spoiler information but there is nothing I have to say that would spoil this for someone else - the director has already done it.
If you're a naive youngster wanting to see a submarine - go to a naval base. If you're a mindless... well, this is a poorly done soap opera done by someone that should have stayed a computer graphics artist.
I suspect the budget for this was around two hundred dollars. For two hundred and ten, they could have purchased a used Bluejacket's Manual to help them with the basic military ideas - of which they had none that were believable.
Invest your time in something else, such as ...anything.
If you're a naive youngster wanting to see a submarine - go to a naval base. If you're a mindless... well, this is a poorly done soap opera done by someone that should have stayed a computer graphics artist.
I suspect the budget for this was around two hundred dollars. For two hundred and ten, they could have purchased a used Bluejacket's Manual to help them with the basic military ideas - of which they had none that were believable.
Invest your time in something else, such as ...anything.
Worst than it seems
f_rocha12 May 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I had to give one star to the movie, because there is no option to give zero stars. Maybe that one star could be given because of... I can't think of something. Maybe the acting is good, but that is almost impossible to tell, because most of the characters seem to be schizophrenics, which can turn form coward to hero even in the same dialog (don't believe me? Watch the movie.) The especial effects are so lame, that they kept repeating the same scene on and on (sorry, I didn't count the times I saw the open casket of the submarines). I wasn't sure what made a movie to be bad, but I've got to thank this movie for having it clear now: A bad movie is that one where you laugh at the "serious" parts, and you get pi++ed off by the "funny" parts. At least, that's what I learned from this one.
See the collision of several Militaristic Micro-cosms.
Master_Bo3919 August 2003
Watch closely as a scared new sonar operator deals with a dilemma while a submarine Captain deals with his troubles. Then, as a Navy Seal tries to make amends, observe and admire the strong will of the lady JAG officer, who tries to do what is right and does what she can. Be shocked at the vanity of the sociopathic protagonist. This movie tries to help the layperson feel the sort dangers that exits under the waves. Unfortunately, the action engages you before you learn about the people, so it loses some of it's possible impact. Still, it has Good action, interesting underwater sequences and fair acting. So, generally, this film is watchable and a tollerable expenditure of time.
Wow what a horrible movie
cstruthers-124 September 2006
I found this movie so bad I threw up...twice. Why would anyone make a movie so lame? I have to wonder what happened at the premier for this movie; I bet the actors that played in it got so ridiculed and depressed that those that didn't gag to death on their own vomit went home and committed suicide.
I would write something concerning the plot if in fact there was one...Oh yeah a navy seal avoids getting blown up so he can cuss at a JAG officer who takes command of a crippled sub which subsequently save the universe from some bad guy or something. The acting wasn't as bad as the movie but that isn't saying a lot. I must, in fairness credit the actors for their composure and the fact that they didn't break out in fits of laughter at some of the lines...For instance...The sub gets hit by a torpedo in the port side bow and the damage report that was scripted stated that the top half of the conning tower got "blown up" during this dire announcement the camera panned the outside of vessel which clearly showed no damage to the conning tower. The only damage was a little scratch in the front of the vessel, pretty impressive for a sub to survive such an explosion. What a horrible, horrible movie.
I would write something concerning the plot if in fact there was one...Oh yeah a navy seal avoids getting blown up so he can cuss at a JAG officer who takes command of a crippled sub which subsequently save the universe from some bad guy or something. The acting wasn't as bad as the movie but that isn't saying a lot. I must, in fairness credit the actors for their composure and the fact that they didn't break out in fits of laughter at some of the lines...For instance...The sub gets hit by a torpedo in the port side bow and the damage report that was scripted stated that the top half of the conning tower got "blown up" during this dire announcement the camera panned the outside of vessel which clearly showed no damage to the conning tower. The only damage was a little scratch in the front of the vessel, pretty impressive for a sub to survive such an explosion. What a horrible, horrible movie.
Worst film about submarines since U-571
losangeles68829 August 2007
I must admit I've only seen the first 15 minutes of the the movie, and believe me, it was enough!! A former crew member of USS SSBN Casimir Pulaski, speaking about "Crimson Tide", says that the film's director "chose to use a science fiction set designed by a twelve year old acid casualty". I can't imagine the age of the guy who designs "Submarines" sets, but I have no doubt about his brain damage: SEVERE. The situations, action and dialogs are also ridiculous. Is so difficult to take a look at military procedures, or watch some photos of the real thing when you try to make a film about submarines? Do they know Internet?
Worst submarine movie ever
amazondzx11 February 2019
This is, without question, the worst submarine movie that I have ever seen. They didn't even get the basics right. Enlisted men wearing gold dolphins and eating in the wardroom. enlisted and officer uniforms seemed to be interchangeable, officers in dungarees, for example. A Star Trek style sliding door to the conn. Enlisted women as part of the crew, and female officers long before they were ever allowed on submarines. As a submarine veteran, I couldn't get past all of that to pay any attention to the story. It was so bad that I couldn't even finish it. I'm 58, and there has only been one other movie in my lifetime that I didn't watch to the end.
Send it to Davy Jones' locker!
Wizard-824 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
It is tough to make a good submarine movie, though there have been some like "Crimson Tide" and "Run Silent Run Deep". It is especially hard when you are saddled with a low budget, like this particular submarine movie. I will admit that the sets for both the submarines in this movie are pretty impressive for a low budget. But that fact does not make up for a ridiculous script and humdrum direction. To put it bluntly, this movie is extremely boring, with little tension and a molasses pace that feels as slow as the submarines in the movie. And there are some laughable plot turns, like submarines that somehow manage to stay intact despite being struck with multiple torpedoes and other explosive devices. It's no wonder no famous (even in a washed up way) actors agreed to star in this soggy enterprise.
Post cold war submarine adventure action movie
jim_7033 January 2008
Warning: Spoilers
OK so the people who posted before me don't seem to rate this movie very high, furthermore the actual rating is pretty low. I am however convinced that the rating reflects the genre of the movie. The movie is set in post cold war time, where there is no real chance that a US submarine could ever engage a Russian target. This is a game of cat and mouse, what else would we aspect from a submarine film, the two subs are linked in a race against time, the US sub must catch the hijacked Russian top secret sub before the hijackers can unleash the nuclear arsenal on board.
There is some good acting in the film, and some excellently intense situations. Yet at points the movies does seem to lack any greatness but i never expected there to be any, if you like Navy Seal films, or for that matter any Special forces narratives, you will enjoy this movie.
The film rating i gave was 6 stars, this reflects that the movie is worth the watch, and you shouldn't feel disappointed after watching it.
There is some good acting in the film, and some excellently intense situations. Yet at points the movies does seem to lack any greatness but i never expected there to be any, if you like Navy Seal films, or for that matter any Special forces narratives, you will enjoy this movie.
The film rating i gave was 6 stars, this reflects that the movie is worth the watch, and you shouldn't feel disappointed after watching it.
Tanks are not all that blow on this boat
dgl119916 February 2011
Calling this movie crap would be doing a disservice to crappy films. This is horrendous. From the very beginning you just know it has no direction and no soul. This is right out of the Chuck Norris school of unbearable, right wing, good v evil machismo movies. This makes Delta Force look like Saving Private Ryan. Illogical and poorly constructed plot, type cast pretty boys with no acting skills (but fit the costume), a hot,tough, woman who shouldn't even be on a submarine (with an even worse bad girl counterpart), bad accents, and models of submarines that looked like a 13 year old built them. This piece of (rhymes with hit) screams direct to video low budget where silk stalkings production value meets ridiculous and inaccurate military "thriller". Boring, dumb, formulaic, nonsensical, idiocy. Oh and great title, Submarines, really well thought out. No amount of weed or alcohol could make this trash watchable. Periscope up, thumbs down.
Not for fussy viewer, but pretty entertaining !!
darren0026 August 2006
When watching the movie, I kept my expectation low. As a result, I was pretty impressed with the CG effect of the underwater sequence (The director has a pretty good resume on special effect, so that explains.) However, I am really curious if the submarines can really still functioning after suffering multiple torpedoes attacks. It may not really sound realistic. In the movie "the hunt for red October", it only takes just 1 to blow it up.
The actions are good, but don't expect a good storyline. The acting is decent but pretty flat. If you are looking for a movie to entertain you over the weekend, go ahead to rent it!
The actions are good, but don't expect a good storyline. The acting is decent but pretty flat. If you are looking for a movie to entertain you over the weekend, go ahead to rent it!
It is well worth 1 star as that is as ow as it gets...
johntcaudill31 October 2021
Plenty of movies are not worth the one star, sadly one star is required to review a movie. This movie is at least a one star, as it takes all reality away and makes rules as it goes. Was it worth the time to watch, well not for, yet fast forwarded the end, and well no need to spoil it.
"We've just lost the front end!"
hwg1957-102-26570427 February 2020
Warning: Spoilers
A terrorist hijacks a Russian submarine and sails to America intending to launch a strike on San Diego. A damaged American submarine picks up the trail of the other sub and goes in pursuit. Will it stop it? Will the disgraced captain redeem himself? Will the Marine revenge his dead comrades? Will the XO see his son? A sub-standard standard sub movie with some good moments but overall not exciting enough. In a bland cast Robert Miano stands out as the villainous Sajid Kahn. Petya Evtimova was Second Second Assistant Director and did a good job.
Horrible fact checking in script
dsc11324 July 2022
Warning: Spoilers
What can I say. The person responsible for accuracy did not show up to work on this movie. The Navy does not salute inside. This movie was made in 2003, the first females did not serve in a sub until 2011. Officers wearing silver dolphins on their uniforms and enlisted wearing gold. Should be the other way around. There is more elbow room on these subs than on an aircraft carrier flight deck. The JAG officer does not wear her JAG insignia on collar. I could go on, but why bother.
See also
Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews
