So there's an old security guard and a guy who dies and then there's KEVIN, the world's biggest wuss. Kevin wants to impress his incredibly insensitive, bratty, and virginal girlfriend AMY. As he returns from work to... a random house... he finds his "friends," the sexually confusing red-shorted KYLE and the truly revolting sluttish DAPHNE. They are soon joined by Daphne's boyfriend, the trigger-happy sex-crazed macho lunkhead NICK. And there's the title creatures, horrid little dogeared puppets who kill people by giving them their heart's desire. Kyle's heart's desire is to mate with a creepy, yucky woman in spandex. Nick's heart's desire is to throw grenades in a grade school cafeteria-- I mean nightclub. Kevin's heart's desire is to beat up a skinny thug with nunchucks. Amy's heart's desire is to be a disgusting slut. Daphne's already a disgusting slut, so she doesn't have a heart's desire. Along the way a truly hideous band sings a truly odd song. The hobgoblins randomly go back to where they came from then blow up. "Citizen Kane" cannot hold a candle to this true masterpiece of American cinema.
217 Reviews
This Movie fails...on so many levels.
Aaron137519 April 2001
No matter how you look at this movie, it is just awful.
If you view it as a horror, then it is an unscary movie with the monsters being hand puppets.
If you look at it as a comedy, then you will notice most of the humor falls flat and is just lame.
If it is a romance you will wonder why a guy would stay with such a B**ch!
If you look at it as an action you can't really pull for the whiny hero.
As you can see this movie just fails to deliver anything remotely entertaining. As mentioned the monsters are obvious puppets and this film was another attempt at a Gremlins type movie. This however has the worst looking monsters of that genre. Critters looked pretty good, so did the Ghoulies, heck even the puppets from the Munchies looked better than these. The characters in this film are thouroughly unlikable. The hero is a whiney security guard, his girlfriend is always complaining, they have a tramp friend who has a jerk military boyfriend, and another friend who is a spaz. At one point in the movie the hero and the military guy fight with rakes...this movie is just utterly stupid. I like the scene when they are in the dreaded club scum (which is obviously not a club, but more likely a diner) and the hero tells the waitress that none of them are 21. Give me a break, I am 25 and I look younger than any of them.
If you view it as a horror, then it is an unscary movie with the monsters being hand puppets.
If you look at it as a comedy, then you will notice most of the humor falls flat and is just lame.
If it is a romance you will wonder why a guy would stay with such a B**ch!
If you look at it as an action you can't really pull for the whiny hero.
As you can see this movie just fails to deliver anything remotely entertaining. As mentioned the monsters are obvious puppets and this film was another attempt at a Gremlins type movie. This however has the worst looking monsters of that genre. Critters looked pretty good, so did the Ghoulies, heck even the puppets from the Munchies looked better than these. The characters in this film are thouroughly unlikable. The hero is a whiney security guard, his girlfriend is always complaining, they have a tramp friend who has a jerk military boyfriend, and another friend who is a spaz. At one point in the movie the hero and the military guy fight with rakes...this movie is just utterly stupid. I like the scene when they are in the dreaded club scum (which is obviously not a club, but more likely a diner) and the hero tells the waitress that none of them are 21. Give me a break, I am 25 and I look younger than any of them.
A Rip-off of Rip-offs
Gislef18 December 1998
If movies like Ghoulies rip off Gremlins, then Hobgoblins sinks to the new low of ripping off garbage like Ghoulies. These barely-animated furbies have some kind of scheme to fulfill fantasies (which involve basically groteque characters' sex dreams - oh joy), but what that has to do with anything is anybody's guess, except to let the director indulge his kinky penchant for erotica. They show this down in the 8th circle of Hell, one suspects. There's no real plot - just "goblins - kill!" and feeble attempts at humor and a mild attempt to arouse the viewing audience.
Hobgoblins: Hardly a worst ever....
Platypuschow13 October 2016
Hobgoblins currently sits as the 30th worst movie ever made on IMDb and lets be clear it's terrible.........pee poor stuff that makes the average cheesy 80's movie look artistic.
In a cross between Critters, Gremlins & an ounce of Wishmaster this creature feature doesn't deserve its place on that list and I'm baffled why it's there. Movies on that list are usually there because of an actor/actress (Paris Hilton) because it's got a gimmick or an angle that upsets people or non-existent production values.
Hobgoblins isn't worth your time but one of the worst films ever made? Hardly.
In a cross between Critters, Gremlins & an ounce of Wishmaster this creature feature doesn't deserve its place on that list and I'm baffled why it's there. Movies on that list are usually there because of an actor/actress (Paris Hilton) because it's got a gimmick or an angle that upsets people or non-existent production values.
Hobgoblins isn't worth your time but one of the worst films ever made? Hardly.
Cinemantastic Disasterpiece
super_harry22 April 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Usually a review starts with a small synopsis of the film. This is difficult when the director, Rick Sloane, forgets what film he was making half-way through and only gives enough of a damn to hand his camera over to his eight-year-old imagination. *Spoiler* Rick was molested as an eight-year-old.
This movie starts off in an abandoned movie lot (sigh) where the protagonist, Kevin, starts his new job as an undoubtedly small- genitalled night-watch man. The old-hat night-watch mentor guy tells Kevin that he can't open the vault for no particular reason. At some point, the vault gets opened and the hobgoblins escape. The hobgoblins are capable of making people's wishes come true and funnily enough *spoiler* every character's deepest wish costs less than twenty-dollars and never involves naked boobs. According to the old guy, they have to get the hobgoblins back into the vault before dawn or else – you guessed it – something. We never find out what 'something' is, but it's only mentioned about twice before the script runs out and the cast improvises the rest of the film. There's a rake-fight in there somewhere and something to do with a nunchuk bikie fight(ish) so that Kevin can impress his hag girlfriend. The best part is the end *spoiler* when the hobgoblins go back to the vault for no reason all and the old security guard blows it up because, well, screw the audience, they've stopped watching anyway!
If I may be so bold as to use my own rating system: /10 when drunk: 7.5 /10 when sober: -smart
This movie starts off in an abandoned movie lot (sigh) where the protagonist, Kevin, starts his new job as an undoubtedly small- genitalled night-watch man. The old-hat night-watch mentor guy tells Kevin that he can't open the vault for no particular reason. At some point, the vault gets opened and the hobgoblins escape. The hobgoblins are capable of making people's wishes come true and funnily enough *spoiler* every character's deepest wish costs less than twenty-dollars and never involves naked boobs. According to the old guy, they have to get the hobgoblins back into the vault before dawn or else – you guessed it – something. We never find out what 'something' is, but it's only mentioned about twice before the script runs out and the cast improvises the rest of the film. There's a rake-fight in there somewhere and something to do with a nunchuk bikie fight(ish) so that Kevin can impress his hag girlfriend. The best part is the end *spoiler* when the hobgoblins go back to the vault for no reason all and the old security guard blows it up because, well, screw the audience, they've stopped watching anyway!
If I may be so bold as to use my own rating system: /10 when drunk: 7.5 /10 when sober: -smart
Call the Fashion Police, there's a crime in progress!
axeman-922 November 2004
Warning: Spoilers
There can be no questions of spoilers for this movie, the director beat us all too and spoiled this movie in oh so many ways.
A blatant rip-off of stuff like Critters and Gremlins, this movie fails on so many levels to recapture the humour and horror of those better made films. It ends up a sleazy waste of time, where bad actors deliver bad dialogue in front of an idiot director, who occasionally tosses stuffed toys at them. They wrestle with said toys in much the same manner as old Tarzan films used to use rubber crocodiles, shaking them whilst screaming and trying their best to make it look slightly threatening. It's painful to watch, and not helped by the mental 80's fashions worn by the cast.
Basically, some crazy little aliens who have been trapped by an aging security guard in a film lot finally get free after umpteen years confinement, and begin to telepathically screw around with peoples minds. The guards new recruit, the idiot who let them out despite repeated warnings, gets his gang of 80's friends together and they go off and have minor adventures together while trying to recapture the Grem... Hobgoblins.
All life is here, with the gang consisting of a knucklehead jock, his 80's slut girlfriend, the 'hero's frigid and prissy girlfriend, and the young hero, lacking in confidence and wishing his girlfriend would put out anyway.
First off comes the infamous rake fighting scene, where the ex-military jock shows how he was trained in the army to be a bully, poking the nerdy hero with the wrong end of a rake for what seems like hours. Then there's some running around, terminating in a real pie-fight style ending in a scuzzy nightclub with comedy hand-grenades blowing up everything except the people standing right next to them. Then the film sorta ends, and alls well that ends well.
It's not. This is like watching a train wreck, you cant take your eyes off it, it's so bad. Perfect fare for Mystery Science Theater, but god-awful should you try to watch it alone and uncut. The Fashion Police still have a number of outstanding warrants for the cast, and I dare anyone not to laugh in outright derision at the rake fight. This scores 2 out of 10 at most, on a good day.
A blatant rip-off of stuff like Critters and Gremlins, this movie fails on so many levels to recapture the humour and horror of those better made films. It ends up a sleazy waste of time, where bad actors deliver bad dialogue in front of an idiot director, who occasionally tosses stuffed toys at them. They wrestle with said toys in much the same manner as old Tarzan films used to use rubber crocodiles, shaking them whilst screaming and trying their best to make it look slightly threatening. It's painful to watch, and not helped by the mental 80's fashions worn by the cast.
Basically, some crazy little aliens who have been trapped by an aging security guard in a film lot finally get free after umpteen years confinement, and begin to telepathically screw around with peoples minds. The guards new recruit, the idiot who let them out despite repeated warnings, gets his gang of 80's friends together and they go off and have minor adventures together while trying to recapture the Grem... Hobgoblins.
All life is here, with the gang consisting of a knucklehead jock, his 80's slut girlfriend, the 'hero's frigid and prissy girlfriend, and the young hero, lacking in confidence and wishing his girlfriend would put out anyway.
First off comes the infamous rake fighting scene, where the ex-military jock shows how he was trained in the army to be a bully, poking the nerdy hero with the wrong end of a rake for what seems like hours. Then there's some running around, terminating in a real pie-fight style ending in a scuzzy nightclub with comedy hand-grenades blowing up everything except the people standing right next to them. Then the film sorta ends, and alls well that ends well.
It's not. This is like watching a train wreck, you cant take your eyes off it, it's so bad. Perfect fare for Mystery Science Theater, but god-awful should you try to watch it alone and uncut. The Fashion Police still have a number of outstanding warrants for the cast, and I dare anyone not to laugh in outright derision at the rake fight. This scores 2 out of 10 at most, on a good day.
Can you catch a venereal disease from a movie?
atogcheese7 August 2006
This movie is not just bad, not just corny, it is repulsive. Something about Daphne, about the creepy call-girl, about the whole damn (and I use the word literally) film radiates a grotesquery that would offend a brothel mistress. This film makes my skin crawl, makes me regret having reproductive organs, and makes me feel unclean.
One of the things that bothers me most about this movie is that they used such a good concept. A creature that makes fantasies with disastrous results, rather than the cliché Worst Nightmare and the overdone Twisted Wish, is a truly fascinating film idea.
Thought: The reason why hobgoblins need to be killed before day is that they are attracted to bright lights. During the day, bright lights don't show up well, so they could go anywhere.
Count the Hobgoblins: Four hobgoblins drive out of the film studio, and yet at least nine of the pernicious plush-toys are killed throughout the course of the movie.
Discussion Question: If you had a frigid, demanding, unappreciative girlfriend, would you enter garden-tool-combat with a military chunkhead? Explain.
One of the things that bothers me most about this movie is that they used such a good concept. A creature that makes fantasies with disastrous results, rather than the cliché Worst Nightmare and the overdone Twisted Wish, is a truly fascinating film idea.
Thought: The reason why hobgoblins need to be killed before day is that they are attracted to bright lights. During the day, bright lights don't show up well, so they could go anywhere.
Count the Hobgoblins: Four hobgoblins drive out of the film studio, and yet at least nine of the pernicious plush-toys are killed throughout the course of the movie.
Discussion Question: If you had a frigid, demanding, unappreciative girlfriend, would you enter garden-tool-combat with a military chunkhead? Explain.
Things I learned watching "Hobgoblins"
stormofwar6 July 2009
Warning: Spoilers
1. Aliens resemble plush toys and hand puppets, while having arms that don't function.
2. Aliens mastered intergalactic space travel, but they don't know how to push an unlocked vault door open, yet can push open a door being held shut by five people.
3. Old Security Guards know how to get a hold of C4, and are just waiting for the right time to use it, say, when they are suddenly fired for no explainable reason.
4. Apparently, US Army boot camp, in the 80's, involved several sessions of "garden tool combat", including the pirouette spin of death.
5. To impress your prudish girl friend, you have to "save the world...err...neighborhood" from aliens.
6. All women are sluts, either openly or secretly.
7. Scummy night clubs look like bad diners.
8. "Scummy" waitresses double as dancers for The Fontanelles (how did they get talked into this?) who can only do bad 60's dance moves.
9. Army privates secretly dream of being Rambo.
10. Grenades apparently have a setting for "flash-bang".
11. Being burned alive apparently only leaves one with minor burns on their arms.
12. US Army Staff Sargeants apparently happen to always be in the area and do nothing about aliens in the area.
13. Aliens apparently always "go home", which means back to the vault they were un-locked in.
14. Aliens are attracted to bright lights, which apparently means in the Los Angeles area one would assume, the protagonist's house is the most brightly lit thing in the area.
15. Showing 16 parking scenes in a movie makes the audience clamor for more.
16. Vans from the 80's apparently have horrible suspension systems.
17. Comedy is supposed to happen in this film.
18. Horror is supposed to happen in this film.
19. Spoofs and homages are supposed to happen in this film.
20. This film cures insomnia.
21. Apparently, garden tools make electronic keyboard noises whenever they are used, not just in fights (tell me I'm not the only one who noticed this).
The simply truth is this film just came out wrong. Period. There isn't much meat on the bone, nor does it do anything really well. Even average. It's just bad. However, I've seen far worse, and the rake fight scene is pure comedy gold, intentional or otherwise.
2/10 - Jaws 4 was worse then this. At least the film never took itself seriously.
2. Aliens mastered intergalactic space travel, but they don't know how to push an unlocked vault door open, yet can push open a door being held shut by five people.
3. Old Security Guards know how to get a hold of C4, and are just waiting for the right time to use it, say, when they are suddenly fired for no explainable reason.
4. Apparently, US Army boot camp, in the 80's, involved several sessions of "garden tool combat", including the pirouette spin of death.
5. To impress your prudish girl friend, you have to "save the world...err...neighborhood" from aliens.
6. All women are sluts, either openly or secretly.
7. Scummy night clubs look like bad diners.
8. "Scummy" waitresses double as dancers for The Fontanelles (how did they get talked into this?) who can only do bad 60's dance moves.
9. Army privates secretly dream of being Rambo.
10. Grenades apparently have a setting for "flash-bang".
11. Being burned alive apparently only leaves one with minor burns on their arms.
12. US Army Staff Sargeants apparently happen to always be in the area and do nothing about aliens in the area.
13. Aliens apparently always "go home", which means back to the vault they were un-locked in.
14. Aliens are attracted to bright lights, which apparently means in the Los Angeles area one would assume, the protagonist's house is the most brightly lit thing in the area.
15. Showing 16 parking scenes in a movie makes the audience clamor for more.
16. Vans from the 80's apparently have horrible suspension systems.
17. Comedy is supposed to happen in this film.
18. Horror is supposed to happen in this film.
19. Spoofs and homages are supposed to happen in this film.
20. This film cures insomnia.
21. Apparently, garden tools make electronic keyboard noises whenever they are used, not just in fights (tell me I'm not the only one who noticed this).
The simply truth is this film just came out wrong. Period. There isn't much meat on the bone, nor does it do anything really well. Even average. It's just bad. However, I've seen far worse, and the rake fight scene is pure comedy gold, intentional or otherwise.
2/10 - Jaws 4 was worse then this. At least the film never took itself seriously.
80's cheeze that has to be seen to be believed!
khudak_20001 June 2004
Hobgoblins....Hobgoblins....where do I begin?!?
This film gives Manos - The Hands of Fate and Future War a run for their money as the worst film ever made. This one is fun to laugh at, where as Manos was just painful to watch. Hobgoblins will end up in a time capsule somewhere as the perfect movie to describe the term: "80's cheeze". The acting (and I am using this term loosely) is atrocious, the Hobgoblins are some of the worst puppets you will ever see, and the garden tool fight has to be seen to be believed. The movie was the perfect vehicle for MST3K, and that version is the only way to watch this mess. This movie gives Mike and the bots lots of ammunition to pull some of the funniest one-liners they have ever done. If you try to watch this without the help of Mike and the bots.....God help you!!
This film gives Manos - The Hands of Fate and Future War a run for their money as the worst film ever made. This one is fun to laugh at, where as Manos was just painful to watch. Hobgoblins will end up in a time capsule somewhere as the perfect movie to describe the term: "80's cheeze". The acting (and I am using this term loosely) is atrocious, the Hobgoblins are some of the worst puppets you will ever see, and the garden tool fight has to be seen to be believed. The movie was the perfect vehicle for MST3K, and that version is the only way to watch this mess. This movie gives Mike and the bots lots of ammunition to pull some of the funniest one-liners they have ever done. If you try to watch this without the help of Mike and the bots.....God help you!!
Desperately unfunny
sebpopcorn12 September 2008
After Gremlins hit box office gold it must have seemed like a really good idea to rip it off. Unfortunately Hobgoblins lacks some of the key ingredients of Gremlins, notably the likable characters, plot, credibility and effects, and Gremlins was quite funny in places whereas Hobgoblins just isn't.
In fiction good writers try hard to make you like the main character, that's how fiction has worked ever since some Greek guy put a mask on and pretended to be someone else. So what character have you got to bond with in Hobgoblins? How about a whiny henpecked little weasel in a dead end job with a totally frigid girlfriend and a bunch of friends that are more irritating than having Vanessa Feltz sewn into your face? His friends include a rake-fighting military tough guy, some weedy gay guy in red shorts and a girl so sexual that the mere sound of her boyfriends car horn causes her to lift her skirt up in anticipation.
The film has one good idea, basically these hobgoblins can bring your every fantasy to life. Sadly this good idea is squandered by the actors sheer inability to act as well as plenty of scenes where they hug plush toys to themselves and try to act scared. There's not much logic to it either, the hobgoblins are supposedly locked safely away in a vault with a cage around it. But when we see it neither are even shut. How much effort would it have taken to shout at a stage hand to close them? Too much for this movie unfortunately.
I couldn't escape the feeling that the people responsible for this film put in the very least effort they thought they could get away with. The poster (shown to your left) depicting a 50's pinup being bummed by a gremlin is pretty tacky too.
In fiction good writers try hard to make you like the main character, that's how fiction has worked ever since some Greek guy put a mask on and pretended to be someone else. So what character have you got to bond with in Hobgoblins? How about a whiny henpecked little weasel in a dead end job with a totally frigid girlfriend and a bunch of friends that are more irritating than having Vanessa Feltz sewn into your face? His friends include a rake-fighting military tough guy, some weedy gay guy in red shorts and a girl so sexual that the mere sound of her boyfriends car horn causes her to lift her skirt up in anticipation.
The film has one good idea, basically these hobgoblins can bring your every fantasy to life. Sadly this good idea is squandered by the actors sheer inability to act as well as plenty of scenes where they hug plush toys to themselves and try to act scared. There's not much logic to it either, the hobgoblins are supposedly locked safely away in a vault with a cage around it. But when we see it neither are even shut. How much effort would it have taken to shout at a stage hand to close them? Too much for this movie unfortunately.
I couldn't escape the feeling that the people responsible for this film put in the very least effort they thought they could get away with. The poster (shown to your left) depicting a 50's pinup being bummed by a gremlin is pretty tacky too.
Simply Awful
athies6 July 2002
How Rick Sloane was allowed to make five movies is harder to believe than cold fusion. This film is absolutely criminal. Before watching this movie I thought Manos: Hands of Fate was the worse piece of crap I ever saw, but at least Manos moves so slowly you might fall asleep, thereby rescuing your eyes from the pain it will suffer. The greatest tragedy of this movie is that the old man that keeps the Hobgoblins "locked" up makes it to the final scene. The time I spent watching this movie was an absolute waste of my life.
An inspired statement on the dangers of inner desires
seriousfilmcritic9717 October 2014
At first a held certain reservations against watching a film with what appears to be a no-brainer title for a film about the very same beasts, but sometimes the direct option is the best.
Starring Tom Bartlett as Kevin, a young and brave assistant security guard, and Jeffrey Culver as McCreedy, the wizened old security guard who has seen too much, "HOBGOBLINS" takes us on a horrifying journey to the realm of the darker aspects of human consciousness made flesh. After a lengthy but suspenseful tour through the corridors of a mysterious storage facility, a group of frightening creatures known as 'hobgoblins' are released from a wicked bank vault within the facility. These demonic beings posses the ability to take the lives of humans by making their innermost wishes come true, hover at human shoulder height at will, and drive golf carts. What follows is a twisted ride into the psyche, as a gang of hormone-laden teenagers witness the horror of the hobgoblins, and their own inner selves.
Writer/Director/Director of Photography/Editor/Producer Rick Sloane allows the audience no pause from the terror of the sickening creatures, and the atmosphere and execution is overall spot on. Forgivably Freudian, the movie posits that when the primitive urges of the id infect the aspirations of the superego, what wishes we hope to fulfill will inevitably doom the self, but through the use of rationality and technology, even the most misguided soul can be retrieved from apparent demise.
Unfortunately, the film is held back from inducing true insight in its audience due to some unfortunate use of prosthetic eyebrows on Mr. Culver. This distracting little mishap did cost the film one star in this review.
In the end, "HOBGOBLINS" left me with an optimistic view of humanity. For if we can successfully survive the onslaught of such abominations that attempt to let our darker selves consume us, what else is there that could truly destroy us? I found the title ultimately an impeccable choice, since as we all know: hobgoblins are more introspective than regular goblins.
*********/10 stars.
Starring Tom Bartlett as Kevin, a young and brave assistant security guard, and Jeffrey Culver as McCreedy, the wizened old security guard who has seen too much, "HOBGOBLINS" takes us on a horrifying journey to the realm of the darker aspects of human consciousness made flesh. After a lengthy but suspenseful tour through the corridors of a mysterious storage facility, a group of frightening creatures known as 'hobgoblins' are released from a wicked bank vault within the facility. These demonic beings posses the ability to take the lives of humans by making their innermost wishes come true, hover at human shoulder height at will, and drive golf carts. What follows is a twisted ride into the psyche, as a gang of hormone-laden teenagers witness the horror of the hobgoblins, and their own inner selves.
Writer/Director/Director of Photography/Editor/Producer Rick Sloane allows the audience no pause from the terror of the sickening creatures, and the atmosphere and execution is overall spot on. Forgivably Freudian, the movie posits that when the primitive urges of the id infect the aspirations of the superego, what wishes we hope to fulfill will inevitably doom the self, but through the use of rationality and technology, even the most misguided soul can be retrieved from apparent demise.
Unfortunately, the film is held back from inducing true insight in its audience due to some unfortunate use of prosthetic eyebrows on Mr. Culver. This distracting little mishap did cost the film one star in this review.
In the end, "HOBGOBLINS" left me with an optimistic view of humanity. For if we can successfully survive the onslaught of such abominations that attempt to let our darker selves consume us, what else is there that could truly destroy us? I found the title ultimately an impeccable choice, since as we all know: hobgoblins are more introspective than regular goblins.
*********/10 stars.
This movie is NOT that bad
leavethebronx10 February 2002
The fact that this movie is higher on this list than "Monster A-Go-Go" AND "Castle of Fu-Manchu" is a travesty. I mean, this movie was a riot. Sure, it wasn't great, but it wasn't THAT bad. I mean, at least it's watchable! "MAGG" is absolutely wretched in every aspect. The lighting is atrocious, the dialogue is incomprehensible (of course, that's a good thing, right?), and the plot makes no sense whatsoever. I would watch "Hobgoblins" without MatB and still enjoy it. But...shudder..."MAGG," even WITH JatB is like torture of some sort. So I proudly give this movie a thumbs up. Everyone unite, put "Monster A-Go-Go" where it belongs! "Hobgoblins," "Space Mutiny," "Soultaker," etc...these movies aren't THAT BAD compared to the horror that is "Monster A-Go-Go."
A unique movie and not in a good way
thedondo11 October 2004
Warning: Spoilers
****MINOR SPOILERS*** As a bad movie connoisseur I must have viewed hundreds of bad movies and yet "Hobgoblins" stands apart from all others in it's own unique way. Classic baddies such as "The Creeping Terror," "The Mighty Gorga" and "Manos" are uniformly bad from start to finish. "Hobgoblins" on the other hand, starts off bad and gets progressively worse as it goes. During my first viewing of the infamous rake fight scene I thought to myself that this was a truly bad film. I was blissfully unaware that I had just seen the best that this movie had to offer. The movie takes its most massive nosedive into celluloid hell during the painfully inept "Club Scum" sequence which is a continuous string of one unfunny joke after another. With just this one film, director Rick Sloane proves that he deserves mention alongside the likes of Coleman Francis and Bill Rebane as one of the worst directors of all time. How bad can a bad movie be? Watch "Hobgoblins" and wonder no longer.
Not only fails on every level, it invents new levels to fail on!
lemon_magic1 May 2005
Warning: Spoilers
There is a bizarre reverse synergy at work in "Hobgoblins". I've seen movies with poorer acting ("EEGAH!" and any number of Italian rip offs of American hits), worse writing ("Castle of Fu Manchu"), more pathetic sets and effects ("Future War"), and more repellent performers ("Teenagers Battle the Thing"). I've seen movies which were more badly conceived and executed ("Deafula"). But "Hobgoblins" is something truly special in the Annals of Suck.
Watching this movie, I kept rubbing my eyes and smacking myself on the side of the head, thinking that maybe something was wrong with my optic nerves or focal lenses and if I could only get them jarred back into place, "Hobgoblins" might resolve into something made by human beings. Alas, this turned out not to be the case. Everything up there on the screen is there on purpose, and rarely have people collaborated to make something so completely wrongheaded and goofy.
The kids who play the leads have no frigging idea of what they are doing on camera. None. Zip, zilch, nada. (On the positive side, they seems to know their lines, and there isn't too much obvious reading from teleprompter and cue cards.) I hate to trash them too badly, because it was someone else's decision to cast them in the first place, and the director apparently had an attitude of "I just point the camera and let it roll". I'll be generous, and rate their performances slightly above those of the wives of Manos during the nightgown wrestling scenes in "Manos: The Hands Of Fate".
I've seen better monster SFX in home movies filmed by ambitious 8th graders. There are several scenes where the camera is pointed straight at one or more monsters, with nothing to disguise or soften the view, and they are so obviously stuffed puppets being shaken or held against the actors by someone's hand (just off camera), that your job drops beholding the sheer incompetence of it. Seriously, low budget soft core porn movies do a better job with their effects, and no one expects those films to even try in the first place.
The script throws in every cliché you can think of: weenie kid discovers his inner hero and becomes a man and gets the girl, shy girl has an inner slut just dying to come out, army jock is a bully, and later becomes a killing machine, old caretaker hides a dangerous secret, magical creatures doom you by granting your fondest wish, underground dance club is the scene for danger and adventure... The plot staggers drunkenly from one story element to the next, slobbers on a given theme for a few seconds and then goes on to another theme and slobbers on that one for a bit. Not one scene, not a single story thread, is ever dealt with in a convincing (or even entertaining) matter, and in the end all the viewer is left with is some vague memories of stuffed puppets and shrill trollops who resemble Lorraine Newman and a geek who whines a lot.
The first 2/3rds of the film is deliriously bad. But the inanity ramps up to unspeakable levels once the story moves to "Club Scum". This increases the number of people who don't know what they are doing in a scene from 4-5 to dozens, and the results are too appalling to describe in a family-oriented web site. I especially hated the bouncer character and the MC/announcer - they camp it up outrageously, and the viewer wishes a horrible death upon them as punishment for their sins. And the so-called band performs a song during all this ("Pig-Sticker"?? "Sh*t Kicker"?? "Pit Licker"?? "Sick Liquor"??) that qualifies as the least believable music performance in a film since the concert scene in "Howard the Duck".
You have to see this film to believe such a thing exists. I rank it as one of the most idiotic and goofy film experiences ever, and I've seen "Deafula" and "The Magic Land of Mother Goose".
Watching this movie, I kept rubbing my eyes and smacking myself on the side of the head, thinking that maybe something was wrong with my optic nerves or focal lenses and if I could only get them jarred back into place, "Hobgoblins" might resolve into something made by human beings. Alas, this turned out not to be the case. Everything up there on the screen is there on purpose, and rarely have people collaborated to make something so completely wrongheaded and goofy.
The kids who play the leads have no frigging idea of what they are doing on camera. None. Zip, zilch, nada. (On the positive side, they seems to know their lines, and there isn't too much obvious reading from teleprompter and cue cards.) I hate to trash them too badly, because it was someone else's decision to cast them in the first place, and the director apparently had an attitude of "I just point the camera and let it roll". I'll be generous, and rate their performances slightly above those of the wives of Manos during the nightgown wrestling scenes in "Manos: The Hands Of Fate".
I've seen better monster SFX in home movies filmed by ambitious 8th graders. There are several scenes where the camera is pointed straight at one or more monsters, with nothing to disguise or soften the view, and they are so obviously stuffed puppets being shaken or held against the actors by someone's hand (just off camera), that your job drops beholding the sheer incompetence of it. Seriously, low budget soft core porn movies do a better job with their effects, and no one expects those films to even try in the first place.
The script throws in every cliché you can think of: weenie kid discovers his inner hero and becomes a man and gets the girl, shy girl has an inner slut just dying to come out, army jock is a bully, and later becomes a killing machine, old caretaker hides a dangerous secret, magical creatures doom you by granting your fondest wish, underground dance club is the scene for danger and adventure... The plot staggers drunkenly from one story element to the next, slobbers on a given theme for a few seconds and then goes on to another theme and slobbers on that one for a bit. Not one scene, not a single story thread, is ever dealt with in a convincing (or even entertaining) matter, and in the end all the viewer is left with is some vague memories of stuffed puppets and shrill trollops who resemble Lorraine Newman and a geek who whines a lot.
The first 2/3rds of the film is deliriously bad. But the inanity ramps up to unspeakable levels once the story moves to "Club Scum". This increases the number of people who don't know what they are doing in a scene from 4-5 to dozens, and the results are too appalling to describe in a family-oriented web site. I especially hated the bouncer character and the MC/announcer - they camp it up outrageously, and the viewer wishes a horrible death upon them as punishment for their sins. And the so-called band performs a song during all this ("Pig-Sticker"?? "Sh*t Kicker"?? "Pit Licker"?? "Sick Liquor"??) that qualifies as the least believable music performance in a film since the concert scene in "Howard the Duck".
You have to see this film to believe such a thing exists. I rank it as one of the most idiotic and goofy film experiences ever, and I've seen "Deafula" and "The Magic Land of Mother Goose".
The worst movie of all time!
Xophianic3 February 2000
Ever seen a movie that actually caused you pain to watch? This is movie is the poster child of that. The only reason I watched it at all was because it was on MST3K. HOBGOBLINS is without a doubt the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life.
The story is stupid, so I won't go into much detail. I don't really remember many of the characters anyway. A loser named Kevin (Tom Bartlett) is trying to make his annoying and non-supportive girlfriend proud of him, so he takes a job as a security guard and unleashes a band of stupid-looking puppets called Hobgoblins, who kill people by giving them what they really want. The way this leads to people getting killed is very idiotic. The hobgoblins go on a rampage which results in one guy getting hurt a little and a car getting destroyed. The ending is also stupid and not worth bringing up.
The acting is the worst I have ever seen. None of the actors went anywhere after this movie, nor did any of them deserve to. The special effects, if you can really call them that, were unforgivable. The hobgoblins themselves are the most fake looking puppets I have ever seen.
Unless in MST3K, this movie should be avoided at all costs. I am only praying that some day the government will burn every copy still around, or maybe use it as a weapon in the army someday.
The story is stupid, so I won't go into much detail. I don't really remember many of the characters anyway. A loser named Kevin (Tom Bartlett) is trying to make his annoying and non-supportive girlfriend proud of him, so he takes a job as a security guard and unleashes a band of stupid-looking puppets called Hobgoblins, who kill people by giving them what they really want. The way this leads to people getting killed is very idiotic. The hobgoblins go on a rampage which results in one guy getting hurt a little and a car getting destroyed. The ending is also stupid and not worth bringing up.
The acting is the worst I have ever seen. None of the actors went anywhere after this movie, nor did any of them deserve to. The special effects, if you can really call them that, were unforgivable. The hobgoblins themselves are the most fake looking puppets I have ever seen.
Unless in MST3K, this movie should be avoided at all costs. I am only praying that some day the government will burn every copy still around, or maybe use it as a weapon in the army someday.
Hobgoblins, Hobgoblins, what do you do with those hobgoblins....
Oosterhartbabe17 April 2004
Warning: Spoilers
(spoilers)I know what I'd like to do with them. It involves heavy equipment and a flame thrower. I think a quip from the MST3K version of this putrid film completely sums it up:During the non-sexy strip show by Kevin's frigid girlfriend Amy, the greasy bouncer Roadrash holds up a sign indicating an approval of her 'low impact aerobics'. It says HIT. Crow remarks "They should really add an S to that" and Tom Servo says "HITS?", wherein Crow replies "Yeah, sure" This film is HIT with an S big time. It has a greasy, nasty overtone that makes one feel foul. As Tom Servo remarks "Can you catch a venereal disease from a movie?". I think you could from this one. Rik Sloane must be pure greaseball to have directed such a slimy movie. It actually leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It's not just bad(which it is on many levels) it's also foul and repulsive. It left me with the feeling that I'd been swimming around in someone's septic tank. And that's not even getting into the horrendous acting, laughable special effects, stupid fight scenes, and ultra corny dialogue. It should have a warning label on the film: Hobgoblins-watch it and spend a week in the shower trying to feel clean again.
A waste of money, time and resources
Jordan_Haelend13 November 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Whether you watch the regular version of this monstrosity or the MST3K version, you can only be impressed by the utter GALL that went into this production. The filmmakers insult the viewer's intelligence from one end to the other and obviously couldn't care less that they are doing so.
Everything about it is rock-bottom cheap. Even the 1950s car in the flashback sequence to that era looks like it was hauled out of a junkyard.
The "hobgoblins" are, as you probably know, "realized" with badly-crafted hand puppets and stuffed toys; when a person is supposed to be attacked by them, it's clear the toy is being held by the victim to his or her own body. When the critters scurry away from the two security guards, this is shown (or rather, not shown) by the camera aiming UP at the guards as they look down and turn their heads as if watching the hobgoblins scurrying past. It's reminiscent of the scene in the film "Tangents" where two people are standing in the ruins of a future world, surveying the wreckage, and we aren't shown any of it. Budget constraints alloyed with utter incompetence generally mean you won't have anything worth showing, so why try? The "sets" were utterly laughable. "Club Scum" was an obvious diner; the house appears to have been a vacant house --probably for rent or sale-- which the production company got hold of for an hour or two to do the shoot. The "spacecraft" is something I would have been ashamed to build when I was a model-making 10 year-old.
The motivations of the characters make no sense-- Kevin gets denigrated by his worthless ingrate of a girlfriend because he hasn't made her "proud of him." I'm sure this was intended to make their reconciliation oh so touching at the end, but any guy with real self-respect would have told her to go to hell and left her. Nick is supposedly back from 2 months of Army training (yeah, nice regulation haircut, Nick,) and seems bent on proving that our country is being defended by sadistic, moronic animals who are sex maniacs. Kyle is a phone-sex freak in red shorts who dreams of a night with a spandex-clad dominatrix type, but he's so effeminate that he's more likely gay than not. One of the girls is a prude and the other is a sleaze.
And the hobgoblins? At the end they all head back to the vault where they've lived for 30 years. Why? Who knows? Who cares? Watch this film and be amazed at how primitive film-making in our modern age can be when you have an idiotic script, incompetent direction, actors who are so bad they'd be rejected from a high school theater production, and sets worthy of Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Everything about it is rock-bottom cheap. Even the 1950s car in the flashback sequence to that era looks like it was hauled out of a junkyard.
The "hobgoblins" are, as you probably know, "realized" with badly-crafted hand puppets and stuffed toys; when a person is supposed to be attacked by them, it's clear the toy is being held by the victim to his or her own body. When the critters scurry away from the two security guards, this is shown (or rather, not shown) by the camera aiming UP at the guards as they look down and turn their heads as if watching the hobgoblins scurrying past. It's reminiscent of the scene in the film "Tangents" where two people are standing in the ruins of a future world, surveying the wreckage, and we aren't shown any of it. Budget constraints alloyed with utter incompetence generally mean you won't have anything worth showing, so why try? The "sets" were utterly laughable. "Club Scum" was an obvious diner; the house appears to have been a vacant house --probably for rent or sale-- which the production company got hold of for an hour or two to do the shoot. The "spacecraft" is something I would have been ashamed to build when I was a model-making 10 year-old.
The motivations of the characters make no sense-- Kevin gets denigrated by his worthless ingrate of a girlfriend because he hasn't made her "proud of him." I'm sure this was intended to make their reconciliation oh so touching at the end, but any guy with real self-respect would have told her to go to hell and left her. Nick is supposedly back from 2 months of Army training (yeah, nice regulation haircut, Nick,) and seems bent on proving that our country is being defended by sadistic, moronic animals who are sex maniacs. Kyle is a phone-sex freak in red shorts who dreams of a night with a spandex-clad dominatrix type, but he's so effeminate that he's more likely gay than not. One of the girls is a prude and the other is a sleaze.
And the hobgoblins? At the end they all head back to the vault where they've lived for 30 years. Why? Who knows? Who cares? Watch this film and be amazed at how primitive film-making in our modern age can be when you have an idiotic script, incompetent direction, actors who are so bad they'd be rejected from a high school theater production, and sets worthy of Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Big hair, spandex, "Hobgoblins" - 3 bad things about the '80s!
Mister-610 February 2001
For starters, "Hobgoblins" tries to ape the more successful "Gremlins". That's bad enough but they don't even try to make anything that closely resembles a movie here. Instead, it's more like a bargain basement, everything-must-go clearance of embarrassing scenes, inappropriate sound FX, acting as bland as unflavored tapioca and a script that takes everything humans hold sacred in their motion pictures and throws 'em down the old tube-aroo.
The plot? Grrrr.... Meddling kids track down gremlin-like creatures from movie lot before they kill people by projecting their fantasies. Sound cool, does it? Well, see that wall on the other side of your room? Run right at it, top speed, face first. See, THAT is cooler than this movie.
You dare to doubt? Quick, name something else one of the leads has been in other than this. What other scripts have the writers done since "Hobgoblins"? Name another Rick Sloane directoral effort. How many "Hobgoblins" action figures do you have? See? THANK you.
I cannot believe I took so long to write about such a horrible film. I'd rather write about more important things; like the separation of church and state, economic restructuring in Europe, that kind of thing. But no, "Hobgoblins" it is and it is bad - bad like your grandparents' wallpaper, bad as pink flamingos on your lawn, bad like underwear that says "Home of the Whopper"...and I think we'll stop there.
Well, Mike and the robots fight valiantly but try as they might, they can do only so much with "Hobgoblins" before they realize that, yes, the director DOES need kicked in the shin.
Real, real hard.
One star for "Hobgoblins", seven stars for the MST3K version.
The plot? Grrrr.... Meddling kids track down gremlin-like creatures from movie lot before they kill people by projecting their fantasies. Sound cool, does it? Well, see that wall on the other side of your room? Run right at it, top speed, face first. See, THAT is cooler than this movie.
You dare to doubt? Quick, name something else one of the leads has been in other than this. What other scripts have the writers done since "Hobgoblins"? Name another Rick Sloane directoral effort. How many "Hobgoblins" action figures do you have? See? THANK you.
I cannot believe I took so long to write about such a horrible film. I'd rather write about more important things; like the separation of church and state, economic restructuring in Europe, that kind of thing. But no, "Hobgoblins" it is and it is bad - bad like your grandparents' wallpaper, bad as pink flamingos on your lawn, bad like underwear that says "Home of the Whopper"...and I think we'll stop there.
Well, Mike and the robots fight valiantly but try as they might, they can do only so much with "Hobgoblins" before they realize that, yes, the director DOES need kicked in the shin.
Real, real hard.
One star for "Hobgoblins", seven stars for the MST3K version.
Why would Rick Sloane think this merited the need for a sequel?
vertigo_146 March 2007
Wow, I just finally managed, after several attempts, to finish watching this god awful movie, only to learn that Rick Sloane and his production team have completed a straight-to-video sequel this year.
Of all movies reviewed by MST3K--and they truly dig from the bottom of the barrel, screening the reputationally bad 'Manos,' 'Werewolf,' 'The Incredibly Strange,' and the lesser know disasters like 'Laserblast,' 'Zombie Nightmare,' and 'Time Chasers,'--this certainly has to be the absolute biggest pile of garbage they'd ever shown (which makes it perfect for riffing). Very simple, the movie is about a bunch of Munchies-like gremlins on the loose, exploiting people's desires for fame, fortune, prowess, and of course, sex in ways that end up with people getting killed. But this is the kind of movie where the acting is so ridiculous (a test of machismo, for example, is illustrated by two guys who battle in the front yard with garden tools), the writing is so forced (such as the oft-described scene of a gremlin hanging on the arm of one girl who would notice it, if only she turned her head a quarter to the left... and this isn't the first time in the movie this happens), and the story is so... rarely given attention (hence the MST3K riff about a "law in the future where films have to be made by FILMmakers), that you actually root for the furry puppets to kill off everyone on screen. Worst movie... ever.
Of all movies reviewed by MST3K--and they truly dig from the bottom of the barrel, screening the reputationally bad 'Manos,' 'Werewolf,' 'The Incredibly Strange,' and the lesser know disasters like 'Laserblast,' 'Zombie Nightmare,' and 'Time Chasers,'--this certainly has to be the absolute biggest pile of garbage they'd ever shown (which makes it perfect for riffing). Very simple, the movie is about a bunch of Munchies-like gremlins on the loose, exploiting people's desires for fame, fortune, prowess, and of course, sex in ways that end up with people getting killed. But this is the kind of movie where the acting is so ridiculous (a test of machismo, for example, is illustrated by two guys who battle in the front yard with garden tools), the writing is so forced (such as the oft-described scene of a gremlin hanging on the arm of one girl who would notice it, if only she turned her head a quarter to the left... and this isn't the first time in the movie this happens), and the story is so... rarely given attention (hence the MST3K riff about a "law in the future where films have to be made by FILMmakers), that you actually root for the furry puppets to kill off everyone on screen. Worst movie... ever.
I saw the Original version.
jimy2327 December 2011
I know the most common version Is The MST3K one But I saw not only that Version but the Original. There are a few parts edited like MCcreedy's bosses scenes were cut Kyle's first phone sex call Kevin telling him that he's got a ton of phone bills for the sex hot-line not knowing Kyle is the reason and Nick suiting up for his grenade throwing spree. This is just to weird to understand it has so many plot-holes a pointless rake fight that seems like it goes on for ten minutes The Hobgoblins don't appear in till 20 or so minutes into it. The movie just makes no sense 1 person dies in a very cheesy way maybe two Nick's sergeant gets blown up but he could have been an illusion. The Hobgoblins can cause people to see things but other people can see someone else's illusion which is solid to other people to. This is easily one of the cheesiest movies i ever saw The beginning is weird the middle is Boring and unintentionally funny and the End has to be seen to be believed MCcreedy could have blown up the vault at any time so he's responsible for the whole movie. If that isn't enough there a part were some one is being fanned with a bottle acting like there getting hit an extra tipping there table over to make a chase look more wild.
Two words: train wreck
thor-teague5 October 2016
Warning: Spoilers
A basic gremlins ripoff, this film is trying and failing one to be of those "so bad it's good" films. It's not. At all. It's just plain bad. Eye-bleedingly bad.
The movie hangs around an abandoned warehouse and shows an old man/security guard go through a couple employees and end up hiring a whiny do-nothing, or something. Then some things happen, some plush toys are bandied about the screen, then some other things happen. A guy catches on fire, and then some more things happen, end credits.
The puppets are not one one hundredth as scary as the acting and direction. The creatures are cute little plush toys that get thrust up against the "actors" and wiggled to and fro. The human beings at which the camera is pointed try plaintively to convince us that something scary is happening. The film's attitude towards women (or all human beings for that matter) is beyond reprehensible. Every last character is suicide-inducingly annoying. Every single line of dialog is either wooden or whiny, or both.
I could go on, but in the immortal words of Todd Barry, "This is like shooting fish in a barrel. No, it's like looking at fish in a barrel. No... it's like BEING SOMEWHERE NEAR A BARREL."
In short, this film is a train wreck. You don't want to stare but you can't look away. It just sinks lower and lower and you're so stunned and amazed, you want to see how the next 5 minutes can suck worse than the previous five.
There are not, in fact, more than 2 consecutive frames that don't induce cringes.
Now, it's been brought up that this film actually competes with Manos for "worst film in history," or at least MST history, but it is noteworthy that this film technically has a plot. Technically.
My recommendation: view with Mike & the Bots. Only way to stay sane through this one. (Even they try to escape... you'll love it.) For a great chuckle, search through the IMDb reviews and sort by "Loved it."
The movie hangs around an abandoned warehouse and shows an old man/security guard go through a couple employees and end up hiring a whiny do-nothing, or something. Then some things happen, some plush toys are bandied about the screen, then some other things happen. A guy catches on fire, and then some more things happen, end credits.
The puppets are not one one hundredth as scary as the acting and direction. The creatures are cute little plush toys that get thrust up against the "actors" and wiggled to and fro. The human beings at which the camera is pointed try plaintively to convince us that something scary is happening. The film's attitude towards women (or all human beings for that matter) is beyond reprehensible. Every last character is suicide-inducingly annoying. Every single line of dialog is either wooden or whiny, or both.
I could go on, but in the immortal words of Todd Barry, "This is like shooting fish in a barrel. No, it's like looking at fish in a barrel. No... it's like BEING SOMEWHERE NEAR A BARREL."
In short, this film is a train wreck. You don't want to stare but you can't look away. It just sinks lower and lower and you're so stunned and amazed, you want to see how the next 5 minutes can suck worse than the previous five.
There are not, in fact, more than 2 consecutive frames that don't induce cringes.
Now, it's been brought up that this film actually competes with Manos for "worst film in history," or at least MST history, but it is noteworthy that this film technically has a plot. Technically.
My recommendation: view with Mike & the Bots. Only way to stay sane through this one. (Even they try to escape... you'll love it.) For a great chuckle, search through the IMDb reviews and sort by "Loved it."
Super Movie
Hallur-212 July 1999
Hobgoblins is without a doubt one of the best movies I have ever seen. The storyline is compelling, the special effects are breathtaking and the fight scenes are very original and well made. This is definitely one of the movies of the century. I give this movie 10 and readily recommend it to anyone.
this summary line contains a better plot...............and better everything for that matter.
Nightman8517 January 2006
Little furry monsters escape from film vault and it's up to some idiot teens to save the day! It ends up at a strip-bar.
Absolutely lame trash horror of the 80's, Hobgoblins is one of the worst excuses for a horror movie ever made. Hobgoblins has one flat-liner of a story, some hilariously awful 'special effects', stupid attempts at juvenile humor, a painfully bad cast, and not a bit of talent in sight. Want to know what the FX of this movie consists of? It's basically people rubbing plush 'creatures' on over-acting teens, that's the kind of cheap happenings here.
Believe me, Rick Sloan should be ashamed of himself!
BOMB out of ****
Absolutely lame trash horror of the 80's, Hobgoblins is one of the worst excuses for a horror movie ever made. Hobgoblins has one flat-liner of a story, some hilariously awful 'special effects', stupid attempts at juvenile humor, a painfully bad cast, and not a bit of talent in sight. Want to know what the FX of this movie consists of? It's basically people rubbing plush 'creatures' on over-acting teens, that's the kind of cheap happenings here.
Believe me, Rick Sloan should be ashamed of himself!
BOMB out of ****
How to convey just how bad this is...
Bumblevivisector25 February 2007
I can't review this without mentioning MST3K, since even a tenth of the reviews and responses this film has received would not be here if Hobgoblins hadn't been featured in their 9th season. As of this writing, it's still available on DVD in Rhino's MST3K volume 8 boxed set. While there's no official consensus, I believe that this it the only true "Maw of Hell" caliber film they did for Sci-fi channel (see the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide). While most movies in that category tend to come from the the mid 60s (the oily period), this one from the 80s was far more excruciating for me since that was the decade of my childhood. Nearly every positive memory of 80s pop culture was unearthed, beaten with garden tools, urinated on, and then reburied in a humorous position. And I wasn't even one of the badly scarred viewers.
Since there are already over 150 reviews of this film on this site, they probably don't need another synopsis of this movie. To explain just how bad this movie is, I need to tell a story of the second time I saw it with a group of people, in the spring of 2000. I'd already shown these three friends half of Rhino's then released tapes, including Manos, Eegah, and Red Zone Cuba, all Maw of Hell caliber. It was a Friday night, so we stopped after the first quarter to watch Space Ghost, and the second for Gundam Wing, so the wretchedness unfolded upon them slowly. With no show to pause for after the third quarter, I made to fast forward through the commercial, only to be halted by their cries, begging me to stop. The youngest among us was actually curled into a fetal position, shuddering. They implored me to just give them a few minutes to recover, to which I responded, "Oh, well I know it's bad, but I guess I may be a little desensitized since..." Now these people were close friends with whom I had shared much, like confessing attractions to various cartoon characters as 3:00 AM, and my most bizarre substitute for toilet paper I've ever resorted to story. So I had freaked them out routinely in the past, but when I finished that sentence with "...I've already seen this 3 or 4 times.", that was the only time in my life that I have looked into the faces of other human beings and seen genuine horror. If you were just going by their reactions, you'd have sworn I'd said something more along the lines of, "Well, I know live puppies SEEM hard to chew at fist, but after my dog had her third litter..." And this was the MSTed version. I shudder to think of the effects of the uncut version, especially for the MST crew themselves, who had to watch this 10 times in a week. I'm not sure the show completely recovered after this; a little of the love seemed to be gone.
So like I said: read other reviews for a synopsis. The point of mine was to warn all novices to watch as many other MST3K episodes as possible to soften the blow of this one. I've seen evidence of short-term mind-warping in viewers who made this their first MST, and long term trauma in those who actually watched the regular version. Follow these guidelines, and you'll find it a least as funny as it is painful.
Since there are already over 150 reviews of this film on this site, they probably don't need another synopsis of this movie. To explain just how bad this movie is, I need to tell a story of the second time I saw it with a group of people, in the spring of 2000. I'd already shown these three friends half of Rhino's then released tapes, including Manos, Eegah, and Red Zone Cuba, all Maw of Hell caliber. It was a Friday night, so we stopped after the first quarter to watch Space Ghost, and the second for Gundam Wing, so the wretchedness unfolded upon them slowly. With no show to pause for after the third quarter, I made to fast forward through the commercial, only to be halted by their cries, begging me to stop. The youngest among us was actually curled into a fetal position, shuddering. They implored me to just give them a few minutes to recover, to which I responded, "Oh, well I know it's bad, but I guess I may be a little desensitized since..." Now these people were close friends with whom I had shared much, like confessing attractions to various cartoon characters as 3:00 AM, and my most bizarre substitute for toilet paper I've ever resorted to story. So I had freaked them out routinely in the past, but when I finished that sentence with "...I've already seen this 3 or 4 times.", that was the only time in my life that I have looked into the faces of other human beings and seen genuine horror. If you were just going by their reactions, you'd have sworn I'd said something more along the lines of, "Well, I know live puppies SEEM hard to chew at fist, but after my dog had her third litter..." And this was the MSTed version. I shudder to think of the effects of the uncut version, especially for the MST crew themselves, who had to watch this 10 times in a week. I'm not sure the show completely recovered after this; a little of the love seemed to be gone.
So like I said: read other reviews for a synopsis. The point of mine was to warn all novices to watch as many other MST3K episodes as possible to soften the blow of this one. I've seen evidence of short-term mind-warping in viewers who made this their first MST, and long term trauma in those who actually watched the regular version. Follow these guidelines, and you'll find it a least as funny as it is painful.
See also
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