5/10
Some terrific holiday horror ideas are offset by far too much variability in quality in every way
24 December 2023
Anthology films are always a bit of a dicey affair. Any attempt is surely no stronger than its weakest segment, and there are always questions about tone, theme, unifying factors, and more in addition to the typical broad concerns of film-making and storytelling quality. As this one begins it quickly shows itself to boast glaringly bare-faced production values in the common manner of many second-rate (or worse) titles in the 2010s and 2020s, immediately raising concerns about the overall worth. At the same time, it's also just as apparent that the folks involved are putting earnest care and effort into the whole affair, which gives it a small boost among many contemporaries. As the length advances '13 slays till X-mas' shows that it's not exactly any major must-see, but it's suitably enjoyable in its own right for those who are receptive to the blend of horror and the holidays. Would that it also weren't so long as it is, though, because without substantial value to earn our favor, the good times inherently dwindle over time regardless of each contribution in turn.

Even such as it is, no matter how generous one wishes to be there are distinct issues with the flick. Possibly as a consequence of unifying a solid fifteen filmmakers to write and direct a total of thirteen segments, filling a hair over 100 minutes, in the effort to group them all together it doesn't necessarily feel that any one tale is given its full due. There are terrific ideas here, certainly, and one wishes that they could have been teased out into their ideal forms. To that point, the plainspoken image quality that swiftly catches our attention is also reflected in other capacities: curt editing, and soft direction; overly emphatic and sometimes stilted acting, specifically, or execution generally of a given scene; a curiously muted tone; computer-generated imagery that's decent, but still a tad too apparent. The result of all these factors is that the desired impact of the horror and violence is significantly diminished; the thoughts are there, but the weight behind them mostly is not.

What it comes down to is that there is a dire lack of tact or nuance in the movie in any capacity; multiple filmmakers may have been involved, but each segment in turn is marked by the same traits. It's not that no one here was applying themselves, yet across the board '13 slays till X-mas' needed a more delicate touch in its construction, and more judicious, mindful consideration. I don't think it's unfair to argue that a few stories could even have been dropped from the anthology, giving each of those remaining a little more time and opportunity to spread their wings; accentuating the point, all told the picture feels much longer than it should have been, and our engagement wanes long before it's anywhere near finished. Even for all that, however, there's much to appreciate all throughout the runtime as the minutes tick by. Even if they don't really achieve the desired effect, the proceedings are marked with a nice swirl of wry, dark humor and more gnarly horror ideations. Some facets are so simple, betraying the low budget, that the inauthenticity is subsequently made more evident; then again, the stunts and practical effects are very well done, and however variable, there really is a lot of cleverness spread throughout.

When all is said and done the feature is rather mild and middling, with some especial highlights, and definite low points, too. The lack of experience and developed skills for some of those involved absolutely comes across every now and again, with some direction or acting that is particularly weak and unconvincing, and some writing that's somewhat inchoate or just outright awful. There are also some overblown embellishments every now and again that very simply were poorly considered from the outset. Even at its best, meanwhile, the film can't ever make itself be felt, and it's like we're getting no more than half of a whole. Still, woefully troubled as too much of the title is, I do recognize the hard work that went into it, and the sincerity of the endeavor. Benefiting from some welcome wit at irregular intervals (and conversely, some references that are too on the nose), it is entertaining in some measure. Would that it had more time and financing to be developed further, and fleshed out in the ways the matter most, but even as the sum total is less than completely satisfying, there are much worse ways to spend one's time. By no means does '13 slays till X-mas' demand viewership, but if you do happen to come across it and can get on board with the style, this is passably worthwhile as something light and uncomplicated for a quiet night. Just don't get your hopes up, and maybe be ready to keep it on strictly in the background.
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