Dolly Dearest? Yeah, she performed at halftime yesterday at the Cowboys game. Not so sure about covering Queen, Dolly. No Dolly Parton's were harmed in the making of this movie. Dollywood would be a great setting for a horror movie.
'Dolly Dearest' starts with Jack Clumpus jiggling an Aztec burial chamber door. Resenting his meddling ways, the chamber door squashes him like a grape, and a mysterious red visual is released.
Tea Leoni and her family fly to Mexico in under a minute, and I hope the whole movie doesn't take place there. So baron and unattractive.
The quicker we can get back to California or Dollywood, the livelier the movie will be.
Cindy Brady selects the most hideous doll in a discount warehouse factory, and the movie's so lousy it never bothered explaining how the red 80s visual effect wound up in the dolls.
If you thought George Costanza's doll of his mother was ugly, check out this thing.
Was 'Dolly Dearest' made to counter 'Chucky?' It's his second cousin, right?
Already, the doll moves around like an animatronic and seems to display sinister undertones. Either that or its face output is permanently left like that on purpose.
It has a stronghold over Cindy Brady and controls her like a remote control car, both emotionally and psychically.
Come on, movie, you're all pastry and no meat so far!
In an attempt to beef up the lack of iron in the plot, Marilyn Monroe cuts her hair short and fires The Brady's housemaid, Alice Nelson, for disobedience.
Twice in this movie, two actresses have haircuts, meaning they were working on other movie projects besides this one and weren't dedicated to the project. In demand, were we?
I can't say the same for the dad in this! He is a cardboard cut-out of a human and acts stiffly like a robotic surfboard. Sam Bottoms is the worst in this!
30 minutes in, and my rating still sits at 0/10.
Defying Monroe, the maid sticks around out of arrogance or sheer stupidity, and you should have left when you had the chance, Alice, as you're about to become victim #1.
If this kill is any good, then points will be awarded on my 0/10 scorecard as nothing has happened so far.
Dolly Dearest strikes first blood with a pocket knife and electrocution, but my score still sits at 0/10.
Oh boy, most actors in this have that whole twenty-in-one Stormtrooper facial expression you see on t-shirts.
Could someone at least try to look like they're enjoying being in this movie?
I'll make a deal with ya, movie, if the family packs up and flies back to Cali, I'll give you five quick points on my rating.
42 minutes in, and it's boring.
I hope my review isn't coming across as boring. Hey, it's the movie, not my review.
50 minutes in, and still nothing!
The father and mother haven't changed their facial expression or demeanor once yet.
The only one displaying any oomph is the Poindexter son, but even then, he's trying too hard to come across as being funny, as no one else is carrying their weight.
It's like they didn't even want to be in this movie altogether. The performances are lethargic.
Cat jump scares are the oldest trick in the book.
So, what's the movie's intention or aim?
That a bunch of perverts are manufacturing Tender Dolls down in Mexico for global distribution only to have customs seize them at designated borders?
They flew down here with the promise of a managerial job in a factory, but it's just a dilapidated garden shed that's only produced three dolls. What's Sam Bottoms supposed to supervise?
A perverted dude with hebephile tendencies died just then because he ran his hand under a Singer sewing machine's needle and committed suicide. You don't die from a hand injury.
An hour in, and I take it we're stuck in Mexico for the duration?
YES! Around the one-hour, seven-minute mark, the mother says, "I want to go back to Los Angeles." Now we're talking, lady! One-way ticket, one-way ticket, one-way ticket to LA. "I don't think so." Sadly, they don't fly back to the States by the end of the movie. If they had, I'd suggest taking some acting classes and working on personality traits.
The dad in this, Sam Bottoms, is the worst! If he won a billion dollars in this movie, he'd still sport the same facial expression.
"I'm not going to lose my daughter to a 900-year-old goat head." Powerful writing.
Look how bored all these actors are! Look at their faces. They must have landed a role in a movie prior to 'Dolly Dearest' and were contracted and required to make 2 more movies on the deal and weren't enthused or put in.
Either Medusa froze their faces or the wind blew when they were pulling faces, but they haven't changed expressions once in this.
Poindexter blasts Dolly Dearest away with a shotgun, and that scene is half decent, I guess.
I think the director of this put aside 90% of the film's budget just for that big explosion at the end, thinking it would pay off big time.
You're really going to end your movie on that dynamite note, director? What's her name says something like, "I hope it's over." And it does finish briefly on that note. Like Cousin Eddie asked, "You serious, Clark?"
I'll award this movie one point because it's better than 'Body Rock,' and I'll throw in a bonus piece of trivia that I only learned today free of charge.
Did you know that there's a typo on Elvis' diploma? Yeah, see if you can spot it.
'Dolly Dearest' starts with Jack Clumpus jiggling an Aztec burial chamber door. Resenting his meddling ways, the chamber door squashes him like a grape, and a mysterious red visual is released.
Tea Leoni and her family fly to Mexico in under a minute, and I hope the whole movie doesn't take place there. So baron and unattractive.
The quicker we can get back to California or Dollywood, the livelier the movie will be.
Cindy Brady selects the most hideous doll in a discount warehouse factory, and the movie's so lousy it never bothered explaining how the red 80s visual effect wound up in the dolls.
If you thought George Costanza's doll of his mother was ugly, check out this thing.
Was 'Dolly Dearest' made to counter 'Chucky?' It's his second cousin, right?
Already, the doll moves around like an animatronic and seems to display sinister undertones. Either that or its face output is permanently left like that on purpose.
It has a stronghold over Cindy Brady and controls her like a remote control car, both emotionally and psychically.
Come on, movie, you're all pastry and no meat so far!
In an attempt to beef up the lack of iron in the plot, Marilyn Monroe cuts her hair short and fires The Brady's housemaid, Alice Nelson, for disobedience.
Twice in this movie, two actresses have haircuts, meaning they were working on other movie projects besides this one and weren't dedicated to the project. In demand, were we?
I can't say the same for the dad in this! He is a cardboard cut-out of a human and acts stiffly like a robotic surfboard. Sam Bottoms is the worst in this!
30 minutes in, and my rating still sits at 0/10.
Defying Monroe, the maid sticks around out of arrogance or sheer stupidity, and you should have left when you had the chance, Alice, as you're about to become victim #1.
If this kill is any good, then points will be awarded on my 0/10 scorecard as nothing has happened so far.
Dolly Dearest strikes first blood with a pocket knife and electrocution, but my score still sits at 0/10.
Oh boy, most actors in this have that whole twenty-in-one Stormtrooper facial expression you see on t-shirts.
Could someone at least try to look like they're enjoying being in this movie?
I'll make a deal with ya, movie, if the family packs up and flies back to Cali, I'll give you five quick points on my rating.
42 minutes in, and it's boring.
I hope my review isn't coming across as boring. Hey, it's the movie, not my review.
50 minutes in, and still nothing!
The father and mother haven't changed their facial expression or demeanor once yet.
The only one displaying any oomph is the Poindexter son, but even then, he's trying too hard to come across as being funny, as no one else is carrying their weight.
It's like they didn't even want to be in this movie altogether. The performances are lethargic.
Cat jump scares are the oldest trick in the book.
So, what's the movie's intention or aim?
That a bunch of perverts are manufacturing Tender Dolls down in Mexico for global distribution only to have customs seize them at designated borders?
They flew down here with the promise of a managerial job in a factory, but it's just a dilapidated garden shed that's only produced three dolls. What's Sam Bottoms supposed to supervise?
A perverted dude with hebephile tendencies died just then because he ran his hand under a Singer sewing machine's needle and committed suicide. You don't die from a hand injury.
An hour in, and I take it we're stuck in Mexico for the duration?
YES! Around the one-hour, seven-minute mark, the mother says, "I want to go back to Los Angeles." Now we're talking, lady! One-way ticket, one-way ticket, one-way ticket to LA. "I don't think so." Sadly, they don't fly back to the States by the end of the movie. If they had, I'd suggest taking some acting classes and working on personality traits.
The dad in this, Sam Bottoms, is the worst! If he won a billion dollars in this movie, he'd still sport the same facial expression.
"I'm not going to lose my daughter to a 900-year-old goat head." Powerful writing.
Look how bored all these actors are! Look at their faces. They must have landed a role in a movie prior to 'Dolly Dearest' and were contracted and required to make 2 more movies on the deal and weren't enthused or put in.
Either Medusa froze their faces or the wind blew when they were pulling faces, but they haven't changed expressions once in this.
Poindexter blasts Dolly Dearest away with a shotgun, and that scene is half decent, I guess.
I think the director of this put aside 90% of the film's budget just for that big explosion at the end, thinking it would pay off big time.
You're really going to end your movie on that dynamite note, director? What's her name says something like, "I hope it's over." And it does finish briefly on that note. Like Cousin Eddie asked, "You serious, Clark?"
I'll award this movie one point because it's better than 'Body Rock,' and I'll throw in a bonus piece of trivia that I only learned today free of charge.
Did you know that there's a typo on Elvis' diploma? Yeah, see if you can spot it.