Since Bones and All is slow, overlong and mostly underwhelming, I found myself with a lot of time to contemplate what, if anything, might have saved it. And it finally struck me while watching the final scene. If only Guardagnino had cast Armie Hammer instead of Taylor Russell and made this the sequel to Call Me By Your Name that everyone wants to see. Just think about it. Imagine the look on Armie's face as Timothee Chalamet pleads with him: "Eat me, eat me!!" The look of ecstasy on would have had more than the usual amount of subtext, and given us a conclusion to Elio and Oliver's love story that Andre Acimen could never have equalled (and indeed, if you've read Find Me, hasn't). Honestly, it's the only thing that could have made this tedious, twisted road movie a complete triumph. Instead, in this topsy-turvy world in which we live, Armie is cancelled for merely fantasising about cannibalism, while Guardagnino is celebrated for making a very boring, very gory film on the subject. Weird, isn't it?
Review of Bones and All
