Review of Airborne

Airborne (1998)
1/10
Bacteria jumps species. Star jumps shark.
22 July 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This is the type of loud obnoxious action movie that you put on to out-blast loud roommates or neighbors. It's also perfect for loaning to a friend you secretly want to stop speaking to you. Steve Guttenberg may have been hot stuff in the 1980's, but every film I've seen him in since "Cocoon II" and "Three Men and a Little Lady" has been beyond insipid. It's also one that you realize after skimming other reviews and watching ten minutes that your time is far too precious to waste on trying to make sense of what is going on. In fact, I spent a good part of the ninety minutes perusing information available on it to get an "Airborne For Dummies" guide to any sensible description of what it was about in order to be able to write a fair, concise review.

So in being far too heavy on the scientific exposition, it is very pretentious and not in a way that makes it seem any smarter. The characters are also far too smug to be likeable, and the use of unrelated metaphors to explain the plot just makes you begin to your eyes and look at the remaining time and your watch. The action sequences may be a bit over the top, but they become much missed when the attempt at a plot takes over. An evil talking car takes over in one of the more bizarre moments of action, turning this into "Nightmare Rider". But Guttenberg and one of the other men are able to unlock the door and jump out as it speeds to the inevitable crash. The overly artsy looking set is over the top with colors, looking like a ten topping pizza tossed out of the car and allowed to splash over everything. In retrospect, this is like one of those absurd Asylum direct to video or cable movies that you strive to get through but just can't.
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