5/10
From the director of Cleavagefield and The Devil Wears Nada.
1 December 2020
Well I'll be doggone... a Christmas movie directed by B-movie legend Jim Wynorski. While not my usual bag, I watched just to see if and how Jim would cram his usual quota of buxom, semi-naked women into a seasonal family film. While he stops well short of any actual nudity, or anything over a D-cup (not counting fully-loaded Gail Thackray in a very minor role), he does manage to sneak in a sexy mom (played by Amy Holt), and some crafty cleavage shots courtesy of Camilla Sharp (Lauren Parkinson), sultry FBI bad-girl in a black lurex catsuit.

As for the actual film, it plays very much like a canine E.T. but with a fraction of Spielberg's budget. Rather than an extraterrestrial with a glowing finger being hunted by the F.B.I, it's a telepathic Jack Russell called Murphy, who, having hopped off the moving train transporting him to a secret lab, seeks refuge with young brothers Jamie and Hugo (Jayden Hedden), part of a gang of kids who just so happen to own BMX bikes. Federal agent Sheppard (Jaret Sacrey) struggles to capture the pooch (mainly because he doesn't want to), so Agent Sharp is called in, using advanced drone technology to pinpoint the missing mutt's location. Meanwhile, the brothers' parents worry about giving their sons a decent Christmas, dad Robert (Rib Hillis) having lost his job as a toy designer.

Despite its obvious budgetary constraints (including iffy green screen work and dodgy After Effects explosions), and a not entirely convincing cast, I still enjoyed A Doggone Christmas, largely because I struggle to not have a good time with talking animals in movies (unless that movie is Furry Vengeance!). Jesse the Jack Russell Terrier is the star attraction here, the dog super-cute in everything he does - it's a bit of a shame that he doesn't get to show off his complete range of skills until the end credits, where he does roly-polies, walks on his front legs, rides a skateboard and juggles flaming torches while balancing on a unicycle (I made the last one up, but it wouldn't surprise me!).

5/10. The lack of power-packed babes in nearly non-existent costumes might disappoint many Wynorski fans, but animal-lovers and kids - the target audience - should find enough to enjoy to make a watch worthwhile. Followed by A Doggone Hollywood (also from Wynorski), and A Doggone Adventure (by director Tony Randel, who gave us Hellbound: Hellraiser II and Ticks).
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