Not a single decent action scene. Literally every other sword and sorcery film has better action scenes. Excalibur does. Dragonslayer does. Literally...every...other...one...is better.
If it fails at such a basic level, what does it have?
No pacing. Documentaries on drying paint are faster paced.
No decent villain. Taking a sorcerer from the comics and making them into a Hollywood style cult leader. Boring.
Surprisingly tepid depictions of sex, and an utter lack of nudity or even desire for sex. Conan of Robt Howard chased many women, and so did the comics. Aaaah-nold, in addition to trying to hide that he can't speak English yet, looks bored with the single woman he's with for the whole film.
And yes, this was his worst film, outside of Hercules of New York. No, it did not "put him on the map." That was the first Terminator.
He's truly awful in this, dull, lifeless, and doing nothing but trying to hide his thick accent for the less than seven words he says the whole film.
I was around when this film came out. Conan fans were angry. Audiences groaned with disappointment. They outright booed at the end when the film tried to set up a sequel. Some of us watched the sequels to laugh at the Plan Nine levels of bad film making.
It's pretty obvious the high ratings come from nostalgia for childhood. Some even make obvious mistakes like saying "I liked Mako in it." Nope, he was in the just as bad sequel.
Clearly their memories of watching it are mixed together with the thrill of seeing it after their parents had gone to bed, hoping to see their first unclothed breast. (The film has none. It's so tame.)
Avoid except to use as a sleeping pill.
ETA: I'm glad of the strong reactions to my review, both the downvotes and the higher than I expected number of up votes. Good to know many others feel the same.
If it fails at such a basic level, what does it have?
No pacing. Documentaries on drying paint are faster paced.
No decent villain. Taking a sorcerer from the comics and making them into a Hollywood style cult leader. Boring.
Surprisingly tepid depictions of sex, and an utter lack of nudity or even desire for sex. Conan of Robt Howard chased many women, and so did the comics. Aaaah-nold, in addition to trying to hide that he can't speak English yet, looks bored with the single woman he's with for the whole film.
And yes, this was his worst film, outside of Hercules of New York. No, it did not "put him on the map." That was the first Terminator.
He's truly awful in this, dull, lifeless, and doing nothing but trying to hide his thick accent for the less than seven words he says the whole film.
I was around when this film came out. Conan fans were angry. Audiences groaned with disappointment. They outright booed at the end when the film tried to set up a sequel. Some of us watched the sequels to laugh at the Plan Nine levels of bad film making.
It's pretty obvious the high ratings come from nostalgia for childhood. Some even make obvious mistakes like saying "I liked Mako in it." Nope, he was in the just as bad sequel.
Clearly their memories of watching it are mixed together with the thrill of seeing it after their parents had gone to bed, hoping to see their first unclothed breast. (The film has none. It's so tame.)
Avoid except to use as a sleeping pill.
ETA: I'm glad of the strong reactions to my review, both the downvotes and the higher than I expected number of up votes. Good to know many others feel the same.