Already the opening scene served as a warning that something is truly off about this unique turkey. The way the killer's victim talks to him i.e. the nebulous things she says to him just before she gets attacked, is bizarre to say the least. Then we get that stupidly awkward introductory narration which actually ends with "F-ed if I know": a "philosophical" musing that ends with an F bomb?
Nothing at all makes sense in this hilariously awful thriller. Not one thing.
It's a hoot.
Certainly the goofy serial-killer who cuts off ring fingers (I'd prefer he cut off his own head, ending the movie sooner) makes no sense, but OK, he's a movie psycho and we are trained not to expect movie psychos to make any sense. Much more absurd than the masked man though is the preposterous ditsy blonde character - played by an awful actress with a uniquely hilarious accent. She takes care of her black invalid child (?!), but in her spare time she tries to prevent bankruptcy by acting as lookout for a loser who robs people - including his own family home! This place is located near the radio station which receives phony ghost signals from a murdered woman, a fake ghost which also gets inside the black kid's body...
No, wait a minute. That really makes no sense. If the ghost is fake then who is possessing the kid's body? Believe it or not, there is a real ghost AS WELL AS a fake ghost. Why didn't this ghost help out earlier?
Anyway... on with the story...
In order to inform the blonde that the invalid kid is up and running, the kid's babysitter/whoever phones the blonde, then proceeds to talk into the phone despite the fact that the blonde doesn't respond with a single solitary word (because she is tied up and her mouth is taped). Once she hears that her child is about to be brought over to the killer, we get treated to a sublimely idiotic conversation between her and the killer during which the blonde threatens to kill him. (A very Ed Wood moment. Some of you might laugh out loud. Some of you might be in too much disbelief to laugh.) Apparently, this silly threat doesn't sit too well with the killer; he proceeds to hammer a rod into her knee. Despite this, she walks for the next several hours.
I am not making up any of this.
Given all this hyper-nonsense, it should come as little surprise that the blonde eventually smashes her own knee "free" (?) i.e. her knee gets a proper bollocking once again. Not one to be hampered by shovels, punches or smashed knee-caps, she waits for the killer to leave, then actually starts walking, despite all the extreme damage done to her, going on a little excursion to expect the grounds of her friend's childhood home. With a smashed knee. Because a smashed knee is classified as a minor bruise, in this movie's world at least.
Needless to say, she is the proud owner of the most resilient knee in the history of mankind. Her head ain't too bad either! She may seem like a frail young woman, but even if they sent 50 military tanks to roll over her, she'd stand up, threaten revenge, and then proceed to kill them all. Perhaps that explains her weird accent? Maybe she escaped from an Iceland-based top-secret lab run by strange soldiers who studied English in Finland and Brazil and are working on making blonde killing machines for the Russian military?
To summarize: a ditsy foreign blonde living in the UK taking care of her small invalid child (??) needs money so she helps her friend rob his old family home, but by sheer chance - that very night - the wedlock killer also happens to be there. He just happens to murder the robber's sister that very evening (great timing), and by sheer chance their father discovers the body at pretty much the same time he finds the blonde standing over his daughter's corpse, hence stupidly assumes the blonde killed her. This causes him to instantly start acting like a typical deranged serial-killer - just so he can fool the audience and enable one of the movie's several asinine plot-twists. All the while, a fake ghost (i.e. the murderer himself) is talking to the radio station crew about the killings, giving them various hints. In the meantime, the female DJ is in her own movie, doing a comedy routine.
Great plot, huh?
The stereotypically omnipotent, omniscient, immune-to-injury, god-like thriller-turkey serial-killer is none other than the radio's nerdy technician. Even dumber, he is the one who attacked the DJ and killed her husband years ago. (One of the movie's numerous half-witted plot-twists.) I was half-expecting him to come clean about killing those and Hoffa too.
In the end, the severely wounded but indestructible blonde severely wounds the killer. Obviously, no wound is severe enough to hamper a thriller serial-killer who seems just as unbothered about his serious injury as the blonde is about her smashed knee cap - and battered face. He renders her unconscious, and minutes later they are in the wilderness where they get into a good-old western-movie type of punch up. You think I'm joking, right? Not even slightly. The lengthy segment with the killer and the blonde beating each other up is right up there with "your stupid stupid minds" and "oh hi Danny". Except that it's non-verbal. (I don't want to spoil too much, but he tries to lick her face after smashing it against the hood of the car, then she bites his lip and head-butts him like a large gangster. After he literally smashes her face into a bloody pulp, she somehow crawls away then gets saved by the ghost (so it's not fake?!) whose sudden appearance only briefly scares the killer but doesn't throw him off too much, for whatever bizarre reason. Clearly, he must be used to former victims appearing as ghosts.)
The movie LITERALLY becomes a comedy during that punch-up. It is a classic. (Another small teaser for you: he bites her smashed knee at one point.)
The idiotic, trippy epilogue is very amusing too, not to be missed. The blonde somehow limps away from the scene of the battle, eventually finding her invalid son near a church. No explanation as to why he was talking like a demon just the day before. No explanation why he is still alive, left outside where any passing-by driver could have found him. No explanation either about why the murdered DJ is lying on the floor, boring the grinning ghost with a religious speech. That same speech that ends with an F bomb.
This is one of those shake-your-head thrillers that seem to have been written during a heavy binge of Bolivian mushy-rooms and other questionable stuff. It is so bad that it's funny in quite a few spots, hence might, just might, gain a small cult following as a so-bad-it's-good oddity.
Nothing at all makes sense in this hilariously awful thriller. Not one thing.
It's a hoot.
Certainly the goofy serial-killer who cuts off ring fingers (I'd prefer he cut off his own head, ending the movie sooner) makes no sense, but OK, he's a movie psycho and we are trained not to expect movie psychos to make any sense. Much more absurd than the masked man though is the preposterous ditsy blonde character - played by an awful actress with a uniquely hilarious accent. She takes care of her black invalid child (?!), but in her spare time she tries to prevent bankruptcy by acting as lookout for a loser who robs people - including his own family home! This place is located near the radio station which receives phony ghost signals from a murdered woman, a fake ghost which also gets inside the black kid's body...
No, wait a minute. That really makes no sense. If the ghost is fake then who is possessing the kid's body? Believe it or not, there is a real ghost AS WELL AS a fake ghost. Why didn't this ghost help out earlier?
Anyway... on with the story...
In order to inform the blonde that the invalid kid is up and running, the kid's babysitter/whoever phones the blonde, then proceeds to talk into the phone despite the fact that the blonde doesn't respond with a single solitary word (because she is tied up and her mouth is taped). Once she hears that her child is about to be brought over to the killer, we get treated to a sublimely idiotic conversation between her and the killer during which the blonde threatens to kill him. (A very Ed Wood moment. Some of you might laugh out loud. Some of you might be in too much disbelief to laugh.) Apparently, this silly threat doesn't sit too well with the killer; he proceeds to hammer a rod into her knee. Despite this, she walks for the next several hours.
I am not making up any of this.
Given all this hyper-nonsense, it should come as little surprise that the blonde eventually smashes her own knee "free" (?) i.e. her knee gets a proper bollocking once again. Not one to be hampered by shovels, punches or smashed knee-caps, she waits for the killer to leave, then actually starts walking, despite all the extreme damage done to her, going on a little excursion to expect the grounds of her friend's childhood home. With a smashed knee. Because a smashed knee is classified as a minor bruise, in this movie's world at least.
Needless to say, she is the proud owner of the most resilient knee in the history of mankind. Her head ain't too bad either! She may seem like a frail young woman, but even if they sent 50 military tanks to roll over her, she'd stand up, threaten revenge, and then proceed to kill them all. Perhaps that explains her weird accent? Maybe she escaped from an Iceland-based top-secret lab run by strange soldiers who studied English in Finland and Brazil and are working on making blonde killing machines for the Russian military?
To summarize: a ditsy foreign blonde living in the UK taking care of her small invalid child (??) needs money so she helps her friend rob his old family home, but by sheer chance - that very night - the wedlock killer also happens to be there. He just happens to murder the robber's sister that very evening (great timing), and by sheer chance their father discovers the body at pretty much the same time he finds the blonde standing over his daughter's corpse, hence stupidly assumes the blonde killed her. This causes him to instantly start acting like a typical deranged serial-killer - just so he can fool the audience and enable one of the movie's several asinine plot-twists. All the while, a fake ghost (i.e. the murderer himself) is talking to the radio station crew about the killings, giving them various hints. In the meantime, the female DJ is in her own movie, doing a comedy routine.
Great plot, huh?
The stereotypically omnipotent, omniscient, immune-to-injury, god-like thriller-turkey serial-killer is none other than the radio's nerdy technician. Even dumber, he is the one who attacked the DJ and killed her husband years ago. (One of the movie's numerous half-witted plot-twists.) I was half-expecting him to come clean about killing those and Hoffa too.
In the end, the severely wounded but indestructible blonde severely wounds the killer. Obviously, no wound is severe enough to hamper a thriller serial-killer who seems just as unbothered about his serious injury as the blonde is about her smashed knee cap - and battered face. He renders her unconscious, and minutes later they are in the wilderness where they get into a good-old western-movie type of punch up. You think I'm joking, right? Not even slightly. The lengthy segment with the killer and the blonde beating each other up is right up there with "your stupid stupid minds" and "oh hi Danny". Except that it's non-verbal. (I don't want to spoil too much, but he tries to lick her face after smashing it against the hood of the car, then she bites his lip and head-butts him like a large gangster. After he literally smashes her face into a bloody pulp, she somehow crawls away then gets saved by the ghost (so it's not fake?!) whose sudden appearance only briefly scares the killer but doesn't throw him off too much, for whatever bizarre reason. Clearly, he must be used to former victims appearing as ghosts.)
The movie LITERALLY becomes a comedy during that punch-up. It is a classic. (Another small teaser for you: he bites her smashed knee at one point.)
The idiotic, trippy epilogue is very amusing too, not to be missed. The blonde somehow limps away from the scene of the battle, eventually finding her invalid son near a church. No explanation as to why he was talking like a demon just the day before. No explanation why he is still alive, left outside where any passing-by driver could have found him. No explanation either about why the murdered DJ is lying on the floor, boring the grinning ghost with a religious speech. That same speech that ends with an F bomb.
This is one of those shake-your-head thrillers that seem to have been written during a heavy binge of Bolivian mushy-rooms and other questionable stuff. It is so bad that it's funny in quite a few spots, hence might, just might, gain a small cult following as a so-bad-it's-good oddity.