The Vineyard (1989)
4/10
Bad in so many ways, yet still watchable.
3 July 2020
Dr Po is a world renowned wine maker. The ingredients for his wines, however, leaves very little to be desired. He is fighting a losing battle in his quest for eternal youth, though, and is getting more desperate.

Innocent young victims are lured to his island under false pretensions so he can continue concocting his longevity potions, leaving his vineyard littered with bodies - restless souls who now are zombie-like creatures. I wasn't always sure what direction they were steering in here. At times it looked as if they wanted a zombie film. At times it seemed some of the characters were possessed, like Jezebel (Karen Lorre) for instance. What besieged her to willingly offered herself to Dr Po? Very little of her actions made sense.

In fact, acting in general wasn't that great, and neither was the script. Having snacks at a party, a character says "it tastes like spiders", only for a girl to then later throw up spiders. But why would he have said that? Has he ever tasted spiders?? The film offers the stereotypical characters: the sweet and serene blonde bombshell, the muscle hunks, the nerd, and the dispensable ones along for the ride - or should I say the kill.

I enjoyed the final act when the victims started fighting back and it became a quest for survival. Unfortunately, the film did have some serious editing issues, and at times didn't seem chronological. If you don't take the film seriously and watch it for the slasher it was intended to be, maybe you'll be satisfied. At least (some of) the make-up effects were good. I actually enjoyed it.

Would I watch it again? I think so.
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