Review of Lisa

Lisa (1990)
8/10
RL Stine's GOOSEBUMPS meets LIFETIME MOVIE CHANNEL
8 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I am almost sorry that I missed this beautiful gem of a movie when it came out in 1990. Back in the day when it was "totally awesome" for a teen to have a rotary telephone in their bedroom (bonus points if it was your very own line, too), life was much more simple then and, thus, movie plots were able to be more complex. Not having to withstand the dangers of *69 (it didn't exist until 1992) or the immediacy and reliability of smartphones, crank sex calls were an unusual yet tempting pastime for those poor unfortunate souls who would have to wait a couple of decades more for the birth of Tinder.

For this reason and many more, that is what makes LISA such an enjoyable "it's so bad it's good" movie. Staci Keanan gives a believable performance as the awkwardly curious 14 year old Lisa who has boys, boys, boys on the mind! I say "awkwardly curious," for Lisa definitely cannot be defined as "horny," since it is obvious that her character is oblivious to such experiences... which is why she is desperately trying to seek them out in the first place.

And (cute) boy oh boy does her curiousness lead her and others into some serious trouble! Like any girl abandoned by her father at a young age, Lisa stalks good looking, unsuspecting men with her two weapons of choice: a Polaroid instant camera equipped with a not-so-subtle flashbulb, and her "seductive" play pretend voice, which can only truly be described as "a woman who has smoked at least 2 packs of Lucky Strikes a day for 30 years."

Even though some of the scenes are unabashedly contrived in LISA, the tense energy created by the actors' performances combined with the director's admirable timing makes for a rather enjoyable guilty pleasure. Yes, some of the foreshadowing hits you over the head like a sledgehammer within the first 10 minutes of the film (i.e. window ledge... mace...), however that doesn't seem to spoil the plot's unfolding at all. I found myself enjoying the entire journey of the film, even though the middle and ending were painfully predictable.

Therefore, kiddies, if you want to see just how much fun it was to be a perverted high school student (as well as a serial killer) back in the day before the F.B.I. started watching us all via our laptop cameras, then give LISA a viewing. Enjoy witnessing how it was like to live life with much more anonymity, as you pay for your monthly VPN bill which you believe gives you a sense of privacy.
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