1. You make sure someone is clumsy enough to accidentally spill a black acidic liquid on all the cables and walkie-talkies so that the humans can't be in communication with each other once the poop hits the fan.
2. Make sure that when the equipment does work, it works only when there's no danger.
3. Make sure that when the equipment does resume working after it's been fixed, only the ex-con (whom everyone treats like a child and whom nobody believes a word he says) gets to see a zombie on the TV monitor.
4. You make sure that all the forensic-science students are imbeciles who treat each other as imbeciles hence don't ever take each other seriously when any of them show any concern for their safety - and this despite the group being in the middle of nowhere on a forest island where unpredictable things CAN happen (as even any small child knows).
5. You make sure the zombies all learned their walking and sneaking techniques at the military zombie boot-camp so they can sneak up on humans who only spot the zombie when he's just a meter away from them - or already gnawing at their leg or arm. The zombies don't even have to try to sneak up: they're just given that gift by default - because the writer had to resort to weak plot-devices because he couldn't think of a smart or logical way of endangering the humans.
6. You make sure the professor treats his students as utter imbeciles, so that when a female student informs him that she saw a 4th corpse - when there are only supposed to be three - he reacts with "impossible!", dismissively ignoring her factual statement and both of them going on with the work as though she had never noticed anything. Did he consider this to be a hallucination? He trusts his students so little, that he can't even believe their ability to identify a corpse. (They're forensic students even, just keep that in mind though.) I seriously doubt real forensic professors and students are anywhere nearly as childish and stupid as that.
7. Make sure that the students reciprocate the professor's lack of respect in their intelligence by not showing any respect or trust in the professor, which allows the students to draw conclusions as idiotic as "the professor must have tinkered with the corpse do mess with us". By "tinkered" they mean pull out all its innards outside while they're were away. Yes, that's what forensic professors do on field trips: they goof off.
8. Make sure the professor is so delusional, arrogant - as well as stupid - that when a student tells him that he heard screaming in the woods the professor ignores him: despite several people missing already. (I see potential for a sketch there: "Screams? Extra corpses? Come on, stop talking nonsense. You're all dummies and I hate you and nothing you say makes any sense."
9. Just make sure everyone is an imbecile, alright? Except the zombies, who are supposedly really dumb but somehow outwit the humans most of the time.
10. Make sure that a zombie - when walking slowly - is faster than a student who's running. Make sure your zombie can catch a running human even if he crawls on all four, let alone walks slowly.
11. Make sure that the humans behave even more stupidly once they finally realize they're under attack. For example, allow one of the students to ATTACK the ex-con after the ex-con tells him that they're all under attack. Makes sense, right? It's sort of like a policeman telling you there's a serial killer on the loose, and you react by punching the policeman for telling you that.
12. Make sure the humans are so incompetent that they wound each other in some classic "friendly fire" nonsense. Katherine Isabelle (looking hot as always) wounds her boyfriend in the back in a very idiotic scene.
13. Make sure the humans can't figure out that it's the head they need to shoot or destroy - even when they'd already figured it out! Isabelle says "if I become one of them, shoot me in the head", but an hour later she can't seem to hit the head even from very close range. We can't quite figure out: is she an imbecile or is she just such a lousy shot that she can't hit a huge zombie cranium from a meter's distance, shot after shot?
It's also interesting that the movie suggests that being a forensic student means that your accommodations consist of a bed with animal carcasses lying on it. So medical students are immune to extreme lack of hygiene?
And must the zombies pose? Whenever a zombie has ample time (or he thinks he does) to attack and kill a human, he sort of poses for a few seconds, growls in a show-off kind of way, almost does a rap pose, and THEN attacks. Why do we have to even have zombies be so self-aware these days? Will zombies start becoming hipsters too? Will they start releasing rap albums? Reading beatnik "poetry"? Wearing funny hats?
There's plenty of stupid stuff in this zombie flick, but it's watchable, not least of all because Katherine Isabelle isn't just anyone. Yes, she's a nepotist, but she's a very sexy nepotist, a rarity.
2. Make sure that when the equipment does work, it works only when there's no danger.
3. Make sure that when the equipment does resume working after it's been fixed, only the ex-con (whom everyone treats like a child and whom nobody believes a word he says) gets to see a zombie on the TV monitor.
4. You make sure that all the forensic-science students are imbeciles who treat each other as imbeciles hence don't ever take each other seriously when any of them show any concern for their safety - and this despite the group being in the middle of nowhere on a forest island where unpredictable things CAN happen (as even any small child knows).
5. You make sure the zombies all learned their walking and sneaking techniques at the military zombie boot-camp so they can sneak up on humans who only spot the zombie when he's just a meter away from them - or already gnawing at their leg or arm. The zombies don't even have to try to sneak up: they're just given that gift by default - because the writer had to resort to weak plot-devices because he couldn't think of a smart or logical way of endangering the humans.
6. You make sure the professor treats his students as utter imbeciles, so that when a female student informs him that she saw a 4th corpse - when there are only supposed to be three - he reacts with "impossible!", dismissively ignoring her factual statement and both of them going on with the work as though she had never noticed anything. Did he consider this to be a hallucination? He trusts his students so little, that he can't even believe their ability to identify a corpse. (They're forensic students even, just keep that in mind though.) I seriously doubt real forensic professors and students are anywhere nearly as childish and stupid as that.
7. Make sure that the students reciprocate the professor's lack of respect in their intelligence by not showing any respect or trust in the professor, which allows the students to draw conclusions as idiotic as "the professor must have tinkered with the corpse do mess with us". By "tinkered" they mean pull out all its innards outside while they're were away. Yes, that's what forensic professors do on field trips: they goof off.
8. Make sure the professor is so delusional, arrogant - as well as stupid - that when a student tells him that he heard screaming in the woods the professor ignores him: despite several people missing already. (I see potential for a sketch there: "Screams? Extra corpses? Come on, stop talking nonsense. You're all dummies and I hate you and nothing you say makes any sense."
9. Just make sure everyone is an imbecile, alright? Except the zombies, who are supposedly really dumb but somehow outwit the humans most of the time.
10. Make sure that a zombie - when walking slowly - is faster than a student who's running. Make sure your zombie can catch a running human even if he crawls on all four, let alone walks slowly.
11. Make sure that the humans behave even more stupidly once they finally realize they're under attack. For example, allow one of the students to ATTACK the ex-con after the ex-con tells him that they're all under attack. Makes sense, right? It's sort of like a policeman telling you there's a serial killer on the loose, and you react by punching the policeman for telling you that.
12. Make sure the humans are so incompetent that they wound each other in some classic "friendly fire" nonsense. Katherine Isabelle (looking hot as always) wounds her boyfriend in the back in a very idiotic scene.
13. Make sure the humans can't figure out that it's the head they need to shoot or destroy - even when they'd already figured it out! Isabelle says "if I become one of them, shoot me in the head", but an hour later she can't seem to hit the head even from very close range. We can't quite figure out: is she an imbecile or is she just such a lousy shot that she can't hit a huge zombie cranium from a meter's distance, shot after shot?
It's also interesting that the movie suggests that being a forensic student means that your accommodations consist of a bed with animal carcasses lying on it. So medical students are immune to extreme lack of hygiene?
And must the zombies pose? Whenever a zombie has ample time (or he thinks he does) to attack and kill a human, he sort of poses for a few seconds, growls in a show-off kind of way, almost does a rap pose, and THEN attacks. Why do we have to even have zombies be so self-aware these days? Will zombies start becoming hipsters too? Will they start releasing rap albums? Reading beatnik "poetry"? Wearing funny hats?
There's plenty of stupid stuff in this zombie flick, but it's watchable, not least of all because Katherine Isabelle isn't just anyone. Yes, she's a nepotist, but she's a very sexy nepotist, a rarity.