. . . that all local feline owners "bell their cats." Just as a few illegal alien pythons multiplied to the point that their offspring have eaten upwards of 98% of the native mammals and birds within Everglades National Park (which EPA Director "F. Scott Ruinit" is consequently renaming Great Dismal Swamp National Park), no wild birds are heard in towns or villages allowing free range cats to sneak up (with NO warning bells!) upon unsuspecting "prey," killing endangered species for the sheer joy of being Evil. SO YOU WANT TO HOLD YOUR WIFE points out that amid our rampant national epidemic of "post-partum depression" (featuring Moms drowning the kiddies in bathtubs, driving carloads of children into rivers, and discarding their babies at the deep ends of swimming pools), it's just as unfair to let Mommy ambush junior as it is to tolerate the pythons swallowing up all the pink flamingos, or to look the other way as Snowball gargles chickadees. At least give your tykes a fighting chance, HOLD YOUR WIFE urges, by keeping a bell swinging permanently from Mommy Dearest's neck!
