This alleged comedy horror – meekly retitled from Bloodsucking Bastards – begins as an Office Space wannabe white collar satire and ends up painting the workspace red.
The Cabin in the Woods' Fran Kanz plays Evan, acting sales manager at a company which is purportedly a drab place to work even though its employees are able to play video games and watch porn at their desks. Evan has recently screwed things up with the hot HR manager, Amanda (Emma Fitzpatrick). He's mercilessly mocked by his smartass colleagues, including best bud Tim (Joey Kern). The banter reaches breaking point when a git from high school, Max (Pedro Pascal), waltzes in and steals Evan's promotion. But there's more to Max than meets the eye. Turns out he's planning to create a vampire army out of the office staff. Can Evan and co wield chair leg stakes and save the day?
With its high concept promise it goes out of its way to be liked, but even as a basic concept the movie doesn't work. If the plan is to farm a staff that will function without free will, why crazed vampires and not docile zombies?
The try-hard attitude is evident from the first abrasive note of the techno-inflected opening credits and continues right through to the end, a long 80 minutes later. The bleak, fluorescent-lit office has been satirically explored so many times now that smug bosses shooting finger guns or stony faces listening to elevator muzak just isn't funny anymore.
The script from first-time writer Ryan Mitt is a cringer. If you're not on board straight away with the juvenile quickfire banter then this isn't the film for you. When it's not being cruel (the fat girl in the office is bullied, pure and simple) it's insufferably sarcastic in the least appealing internet forum manner: equal doses mocking and macho and inane. You know when guys in real life make each other laugh and then one of them suggests they should write a sitcom? This is what happens.
The lack of sincerity and conviction is fatal. There are good self- referential meta-horrors around (indeed, when we glimpse Matthew Lillard late on, we're reminded of a great one from 20 years ago), but this isn't one of them.
Between the bland and claustrophobic camera-work and the scrappy editing, we get no laughs or scares, and the occasional decent prosthetics can't make amends for the lack of inventiveness. Remember those great slapstick action scenes from Edgar Wright's Three Cornettos trilogy? Yeah, you'll be remembering them as you stare blankly at the dullness unfolding in the final act.
It's an absolute horror show, and not in a good way. Avoid.
The Cabin in the Woods' Fran Kanz plays Evan, acting sales manager at a company which is purportedly a drab place to work even though its employees are able to play video games and watch porn at their desks. Evan has recently screwed things up with the hot HR manager, Amanda (Emma Fitzpatrick). He's mercilessly mocked by his smartass colleagues, including best bud Tim (Joey Kern). The banter reaches breaking point when a git from high school, Max (Pedro Pascal), waltzes in and steals Evan's promotion. But there's more to Max than meets the eye. Turns out he's planning to create a vampire army out of the office staff. Can Evan and co wield chair leg stakes and save the day?
With its high concept promise it goes out of its way to be liked, but even as a basic concept the movie doesn't work. If the plan is to farm a staff that will function without free will, why crazed vampires and not docile zombies?
The try-hard attitude is evident from the first abrasive note of the techno-inflected opening credits and continues right through to the end, a long 80 minutes later. The bleak, fluorescent-lit office has been satirically explored so many times now that smug bosses shooting finger guns or stony faces listening to elevator muzak just isn't funny anymore.
The script from first-time writer Ryan Mitt is a cringer. If you're not on board straight away with the juvenile quickfire banter then this isn't the film for you. When it's not being cruel (the fat girl in the office is bullied, pure and simple) it's insufferably sarcastic in the least appealing internet forum manner: equal doses mocking and macho and inane. You know when guys in real life make each other laugh and then one of them suggests they should write a sitcom? This is what happens.
The lack of sincerity and conviction is fatal. There are good self- referential meta-horrors around (indeed, when we glimpse Matthew Lillard late on, we're reminded of a great one from 20 years ago), but this isn't one of them.
Between the bland and claustrophobic camera-work and the scrappy editing, we get no laughs or scares, and the occasional decent prosthetics can't make amends for the lack of inventiveness. Remember those great slapstick action scenes from Edgar Wright's Three Cornettos trilogy? Yeah, you'll be remembering them as you stare blankly at the dullness unfolding in the final act.
It's an absolute horror show, and not in a good way. Avoid.