#1 A Movie should have a Plot That Actually Makes Sense
Right. Two aliens land on earth to collect a team that had been sent down long ago to study and watch us. I get that. Some of the team has gone "native" and doesn't want to go back I get that too. But why were they all sent to London? We don't know. Why don't they want to go back? We don't really know? Why are they all being forced back? Don't know. Why can some remember who they were and some can't? Ibid. WTF is going on with the alien support group??? Don't even get me started. Why did the alien's daughter dissolve? What was up with her face??? Why WHY WHY ????
#2 A movie should not conflate style with substance (aka "A Movie is not a Perfume Commercial")
That's right - a perfume commercial. In the middle of the far too sparse dialog there appears throughout the movie sudden shifts in imagery with a musical score tuning you in that something significant is being shown. Except it's not. What was the significance of the Japanese lady who's face is half formed out of pebbles( or something) that keeps popping up? Why was there an image of a turkey's head which kept popping up throughout the movie? At least I think it was a turkey. It might have been a vulture. Or maybe a turkey vulture - I Just Don't KNOW ! Why Shezad Dawood ? Why are you showing me this image. Surely it must mean something? It doesn't. It doesn't mean anything at all. It's just there. Damn you turkey-vulture! You mean nothing to me !
#3 A Chase Scene With Bicycles Chasing Down A Car Is Not Unique - Merely Inane
There is a car chase scene. The car is being chased by alien-hybrid kids on bicycles. That's right - on bicycles. Not even racing bicycles but the kind of high-riser your little sister might have. I'm pretty sure that I saw tassels. I think the chase scene lasts a good ten minutes. One of the characters actually says (anxiously) , "They're getting closer!" Ten minutes. I can say no more.
I could go on but I don't have the heart. I'm pretty sure there were some scenes meant to have comedic value. An alien goes into a bar and gets drunk ... ha ha. Such scenes fell flat. This is they type of movie that some people are going to be afraid to critique properly because it seems somehow avant-garde and they perhaps might be afraid of being outed for an idiot but I am here to tell you that the turkey-vulture has no clothes and that this movie is a piercing waste of one's time.
Right. Two aliens land on earth to collect a team that had been sent down long ago to study and watch us. I get that. Some of the team has gone "native" and doesn't want to go back I get that too. But why were they all sent to London? We don't know. Why don't they want to go back? We don't really know? Why are they all being forced back? Don't know. Why can some remember who they were and some can't? Ibid. WTF is going on with the alien support group??? Don't even get me started. Why did the alien's daughter dissolve? What was up with her face??? Why WHY WHY ????
#2 A movie should not conflate style with substance (aka "A Movie is not a Perfume Commercial")
That's right - a perfume commercial. In the middle of the far too sparse dialog there appears throughout the movie sudden shifts in imagery with a musical score tuning you in that something significant is being shown. Except it's not. What was the significance of the Japanese lady who's face is half formed out of pebbles( or something) that keeps popping up? Why was there an image of a turkey's head which kept popping up throughout the movie? At least I think it was a turkey. It might have been a vulture. Or maybe a turkey vulture - I Just Don't KNOW ! Why Shezad Dawood ? Why are you showing me this image. Surely it must mean something? It doesn't. It doesn't mean anything at all. It's just there. Damn you turkey-vulture! You mean nothing to me !
#3 A Chase Scene With Bicycles Chasing Down A Car Is Not Unique - Merely Inane
There is a car chase scene. The car is being chased by alien-hybrid kids on bicycles. That's right - on bicycles. Not even racing bicycles but the kind of high-riser your little sister might have. I'm pretty sure that I saw tassels. I think the chase scene lasts a good ten minutes. One of the characters actually says (anxiously) , "They're getting closer!" Ten minutes. I can say no more.
I could go on but I don't have the heart. I'm pretty sure there were some scenes meant to have comedic value. An alien goes into a bar and gets drunk ... ha ha. Such scenes fell flat. This is they type of movie that some people are going to be afraid to critique properly because it seems somehow avant-garde and they perhaps might be afraid of being outed for an idiot but I am here to tell you that the turkey-vulture has no clothes and that this movie is a piercing waste of one's time.