So I'm reading this book called "Something's Alive on the Titanic," by Robert Serling, the same author who wrote "The President's Plane is Missing," "Air Force One is Haunted," and "Someone's Something is Something," except I made that last one up.
Anyway, the book is about a team of adventurers who dive to the Titanic, only to discover a monster down there. And we know this is true because of all those 1912 newspaper stories that quoted survivors saying, "Thank God the Titanic sunk, because there was a monster on it." See what I did there? I made that up, too.
Anyway again, I bring this book up not just because its plot is perfect for an Asylum film (if you're reading this, Barry Van Dyke, you're welcome), but because it inspired me to coin the phrase "rip-roaring stupidity."
And so here we have "Battle of Los Angeles," in which an alien ship literally the size of Los Angeles starts blowing up the city for no good reason, and the military responds by sending a few hot chicks in fighter jets to check it out.
Soon, the fate of the world is up to a half-dozen or so ragtag soldiers, because the rest of the U.S. military apparently has better things to do than save the world from an alien invasion.
Once the plot is established thus, the film requires only that you just sit back and enjoy the rip-roaring stupidity. For instance:
-- The impossibly gravelly-voiced sergeant who barks out phrases like "These ain't the Rooskies!" and stoically fires his service revolver at a squadron of flying saucers blasting lasers at him.
-- The tank-like robot with a machine gun on its head that looks like an amalgam of a Dalek and a vacuum cleaner that the aliens sent to kill a neighborhood of people. For some reason.
-- The platoon leader who clings to life despite clearly being shot about 9,000 times by the Dalek vacuum.
-- The fighter pilot who can't seem to shake the flying saucer on her tail until she bravely ejects, taking out the alien ship when her plane's windshield flies into it.
-- The World War II pilot who shows up in a Corsair 68 years after being abducted by the aliens, who seems really, really cool until later in the movie, when we find out something very, very stupid about him.
-- The samurai babe. 'Nuff said.
We're soon introduced to one of the aliens and learn the real reason they're here, and to be honest, it's a rather nifty one (which I won't spoil for you here, but is easily learned on Wikipedia).
"Battle of Los Angeles" is a mockbuster of the mainstream film "Battle: Los Angeles," and if you dolled out good money at the theater for the latter when the former was a buck at Redbox, find someone to stooge-slap you. Thanks to The Asylum, rip-roaring stupidity doesn't have to cost a fortune.
Anyway, the book is about a team of adventurers who dive to the Titanic, only to discover a monster down there. And we know this is true because of all those 1912 newspaper stories that quoted survivors saying, "Thank God the Titanic sunk, because there was a monster on it." See what I did there? I made that up, too.
Anyway again, I bring this book up not just because its plot is perfect for an Asylum film (if you're reading this, Barry Van Dyke, you're welcome), but because it inspired me to coin the phrase "rip-roaring stupidity."
And so here we have "Battle of Los Angeles," in which an alien ship literally the size of Los Angeles starts blowing up the city for no good reason, and the military responds by sending a few hot chicks in fighter jets to check it out.
Soon, the fate of the world is up to a half-dozen or so ragtag soldiers, because the rest of the U.S. military apparently has better things to do than save the world from an alien invasion.
Once the plot is established thus, the film requires only that you just sit back and enjoy the rip-roaring stupidity. For instance:
-- The impossibly gravelly-voiced sergeant who barks out phrases like "These ain't the Rooskies!" and stoically fires his service revolver at a squadron of flying saucers blasting lasers at him.
-- The tank-like robot with a machine gun on its head that looks like an amalgam of a Dalek and a vacuum cleaner that the aliens sent to kill a neighborhood of people. For some reason.
-- The platoon leader who clings to life despite clearly being shot about 9,000 times by the Dalek vacuum.
-- The fighter pilot who can't seem to shake the flying saucer on her tail until she bravely ejects, taking out the alien ship when her plane's windshield flies into it.
-- The World War II pilot who shows up in a Corsair 68 years after being abducted by the aliens, who seems really, really cool until later in the movie, when we find out something very, very stupid about him.
-- The samurai babe. 'Nuff said.
We're soon introduced to one of the aliens and learn the real reason they're here, and to be honest, it's a rather nifty one (which I won't spoil for you here, but is easily learned on Wikipedia).
"Battle of Los Angeles" is a mockbuster of the mainstream film "Battle: Los Angeles," and if you dolled out good money at the theater for the latter when the former was a buck at Redbox, find someone to stooge-slap you. Thanks to The Asylum, rip-roaring stupidity doesn't have to cost a fortune.