Step Brothers (2008)
1/10
Disgustingly abysmal.
31 January 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I hate this movie. It is degrading to the intelligence of anyone who actually condescends to watching it, it offers nothing of worth in any category and it loses itself in a festering ball of pathetic, sorry ass-felching crap that I would rather have a root canal than watch again. It's about two thirty or forty year old guys who live with their single parents. When the parents end up meeting at a business conference of sorts, the two men are forced to try and get along. Well, they don't, and what follows is a gamut of immature genitalia jokes, farting jokes, masturbation jokes and, to top it all off, Will Ferrell's balls rubbing on a drum set. I swear I'm not making that up.

So, yeah, the jokes are by far the worst part. Will Ferrell had a hand in writing this screenplay, and to that I say, don't let this man touch any more scripts. Seriously, this is awful. Do you still think jokes about penises and masturbating are hilarious? Do you like watching grown men cry and shout curses at each other at the top of their lungs? Well, then, you're a disgrace to humanity, and this movie is for you! Every moment of this godforsaken piece of cinematic bowel cancer is just painful, every last minute of it. It's clear that there is a story trying to happen here, but when you have dialogue about wanting someone to crawl into your vagina and live there, well, it's a bit hard to let it blossom. I swear, I'm not making that up, either.

The worst part about this movie is that our two main characters are supposed to be likable, more so than Will Ferrell's brother character, played by Adam Scott. The brother is made out to be a horrible, obnoxious and rude person who takes pleasure in talking down to and humiliating his older brother, who, if I might remind you, is forty years old and living at home. Yeah, this movie wants us to feel sorry for Will Ferrell and his new buddy, but the problem is that they're even worse and more asinine than the brother is! It doesn't work as an inspirational coming-of-age story not just because the two characters are already OF age, but because we don't like the two main characters! They're insipid, shallow, rude assholes and I just wanted to shoot them for the better part of the story. It doesn't work as a comedy because nothing is funny, it's just sad.

Yeah, and there's one part where they try to bury each other alive, which is where the movie officially hits an all time low. It's like something you'd read out of a tabloid newspaper column after you've already read through everything worth reading. Or maybe like something off of one of the online 'weird news' categories. It's pathetic, and all it really does is make you embarrassed to still be watching this movie.

So then we get the end of the movie, which turns things around and sees the two guys reforming themselves and starting to live real lives. It is kind of nice, at least as an apology for the rest of the insufferable crap on here, but in the context of the movie? It's like two completely different films mashed together, and it's even kind of insulting that a movie that features insurmountable levels of grotesque and puerile farces against the film industry's integrity would actually try to have, in the same movie as the dialogue about crawling into a woman's vagina, a "moment" between the two brothers. Yes, we're expected now to put down our barf bags and pick up a tissue box. Good god.

Well, I don't buy it. This movie is wretched. It is unpleasant, it is unfunny and most of all it is mostly unwatchable. I've never seen anything quite so shameless. This whole movie is actively detestable and hateable. Never before have I seen a movie that made me feel quite this dirty. If you think this movie is funny then you have terrible taste in comedy. Utterly worthless tripe on every level.
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