This movie is a herald of the end times, I'm sure. I can't account for how else well over 100 people involved in the execution of this movie got together and not a single one of them set the film negatives aflame to save the rest of the world from experiencing it. There's no justifiable reason for such heinous and callous disregard for the DVD viewing public.
For a good portion of this movie, which somehow hypnotized me, like crap dangling from a string methodically waving back and forth, I was expecting the joke to finally be revealed and then feel comfortable laughing because I finally got it. Alas, there is nothing to get. As near as I can figure no one made this movie as a joke. This was seriously what they intended as a finished product. The mind boggles.
The film opens with a cartoon about Little Red Riding Hood making hot dogs out of dogs. At least, that's what it looked like. Why? How the hell should I know? It has nothing to do with the rest of the movie beyond someone's awful attempt to randomly insert hot dogs in as many scenes as possible.
Then, to get things started with a bang, what is actually the worst of all 5 stories begins the movie. That means nothing to you right now, but try to look at it this way. Say you got shot 5 times in the gut. Pick the worst one. That's the equivalent of how this works. There is no good story, but there are bad ones. And "Alice" was clearly the worst, as not only does it suffer from some of the worst acting ever smeared on celluloid, it also (as a treat for viewers) makes less sense than a drunk with a speech impediment trying to sing the score of the HMS Pinafore backwards in Swahili. The story barely manages to come close to proper structure at any time, events occur without any attempt at an explanation and then are interrupted by new events with even less explanation. If anyone at all liked this story, they should be banished. Banished to some abandoned oil platform and forced to live the rest of their lives in solitude so as not to infect the gene pool. Perhaps the producers of this film could join them, but that's it.
The remaining stories all suffer the same substandard acting, even going so far as to recycle the same terrible actors from the first story, something to cause the bile to rise in any sane viewer, especially after the idiotic gun scene in Alice.
Some brain trust pooled their collective intellectual resources and tried to link the stories together, possibly figuring that the lack of sense in any individual story could be made stronger with haphazard links between them all. Aside from the fact their timelines suffer due to no one in editing taking the time to pay attention to what happens when, this serves to pad on several minutes of extraneous crap to a movie that is already built sky high on a majestic mountain of crap as it is. No one really needed to know that the hooker left the building from the 2nd story and crossed paths with the guys from the 4th story, then met the guy who shows up in the 5th story who couldn't make less sense as a character if he had a tiara made of tiny pink elephants on his head that told dirty limericks.
For those with the fortitude, it might be fun to try to watch this movie and some Uwe Boll opus like House of the Dead back to back, just to see if the human mind is capable not only of experiencing such an abundance of poor film making but discerning which one sucks more. I suspect, like being exposed to a noxious odour for too long, your mind will simply not allow it and the two films will merge into one long, awful experience in your subconscious that your brain will try to convince you was not real anyway and just the product of some bad meat you ate.
Just don't watch this movie. Don't do it. It won't take you any place good. It's bad. Bad bad bad.
For a good portion of this movie, which somehow hypnotized me, like crap dangling from a string methodically waving back and forth, I was expecting the joke to finally be revealed and then feel comfortable laughing because I finally got it. Alas, there is nothing to get. As near as I can figure no one made this movie as a joke. This was seriously what they intended as a finished product. The mind boggles.
The film opens with a cartoon about Little Red Riding Hood making hot dogs out of dogs. At least, that's what it looked like. Why? How the hell should I know? It has nothing to do with the rest of the movie beyond someone's awful attempt to randomly insert hot dogs in as many scenes as possible.
Then, to get things started with a bang, what is actually the worst of all 5 stories begins the movie. That means nothing to you right now, but try to look at it this way. Say you got shot 5 times in the gut. Pick the worst one. That's the equivalent of how this works. There is no good story, but there are bad ones. And "Alice" was clearly the worst, as not only does it suffer from some of the worst acting ever smeared on celluloid, it also (as a treat for viewers) makes less sense than a drunk with a speech impediment trying to sing the score of the HMS Pinafore backwards in Swahili. The story barely manages to come close to proper structure at any time, events occur without any attempt at an explanation and then are interrupted by new events with even less explanation. If anyone at all liked this story, they should be banished. Banished to some abandoned oil platform and forced to live the rest of their lives in solitude so as not to infect the gene pool. Perhaps the producers of this film could join them, but that's it.
The remaining stories all suffer the same substandard acting, even going so far as to recycle the same terrible actors from the first story, something to cause the bile to rise in any sane viewer, especially after the idiotic gun scene in Alice.
Some brain trust pooled their collective intellectual resources and tried to link the stories together, possibly figuring that the lack of sense in any individual story could be made stronger with haphazard links between them all. Aside from the fact their timelines suffer due to no one in editing taking the time to pay attention to what happens when, this serves to pad on several minutes of extraneous crap to a movie that is already built sky high on a majestic mountain of crap as it is. No one really needed to know that the hooker left the building from the 2nd story and crossed paths with the guys from the 4th story, then met the guy who shows up in the 5th story who couldn't make less sense as a character if he had a tiara made of tiny pink elephants on his head that told dirty limericks.
For those with the fortitude, it might be fun to try to watch this movie and some Uwe Boll opus like House of the Dead back to back, just to see if the human mind is capable not only of experiencing such an abundance of poor film making but discerning which one sucks more. I suspect, like being exposed to a noxious odour for too long, your mind will simply not allow it and the two films will merge into one long, awful experience in your subconscious that your brain will try to convince you was not real anyway and just the product of some bad meat you ate.
Just don't watch this movie. Don't do it. It won't take you any place good. It's bad. Bad bad bad.