The mere concept that my life and that of my family being portrayed by actors has always been a source of great amusement to me. My brother Hercules has taken a shine to a few of the men to have portrayed him, but I have yet to take an interest in any of the one-dimensional Hollywood clones who has yet played me. Suzanne Somers, I don't think so! Ursula Andress, uh, no! Lisa Kudrow, yeah, right! Alex Tydings, uh, let's not go there. Oh, Marilyn (Munroe), you died too early! I could have petitioned you into Olympus had you played me. The only actress today worth my left finger would be Reese Witherspoon, but when I think of Vanna White, I just want to scream my head off. To tell the truth, I think a movie based on my life today and what my family is now doing could be the basis for a very interesting movie. I mean, who would believe that Hermes likes to race cars, or my old boyfriend Thor still goes chasing monsters with my brother, Hercules, or that Anubis flies planes. There's a casino in Wyoming where the Native American gods always hold a room open for me, but if another Hollywood screenwriter creates another Twentieth Century gods film and only features the immortals of Olympus, he's going to have a couple thousand angry retired deities at his door. To be fair, the little letter turner is kind of attractive as mortals go, but she plays me as kind of a dim bulb with the modern world. Come on! Even my ex-husband Hephaestus has been impressed with some of the inventions you mortals have created. I've kept in touch with my mortal descendants and I'm very hip on the ever-changing lingo and technology. David Naughton is cute as my little obsessed foil in the movie, but David Leisure is only fair as the comic relief. Little Richard bangs out his role the same way he does with his little piano, but I've known Sumerian gods with smaller egos. To tell the truth, the whole movie is really dated and the production is so high school. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to put another curse on those "Sex in the City" douche bags....
Review of Goddess of Love
