KilRydLoad Review of The Butcher

The Butcher (2006)

Just 'cause it says Lionsgate, don't assume that means it's good

[1/10 · 11 April 2007]

Boy, oh, boy, did I learn that recently with this piece of crap! I mean, what the heck, they're being chased by a deranged killer, and one of the chicks starts singing a lullaby in the house?!?!?!!? I mean, you would think the baby crib dangler made of dead black crows would freak her out, but, no...she starts singing a lullaby she remembers from her childhood...all the while looking at a baby crib dangler made of dead black crows while being chased by a chainsaw killer...exactly how I'd react in that same situation! Or anybody, for that matter! I did like the part, though, when that dyke's body splits in half just because she smashes into a tree branch, that part was both stupid and hilarious at the same time! Yeah, smash into a tree branch while showing your tits outside a vehicle's moon roof, that will cause your body to split in half!! I about fell over on my rear end laughing when that part came up! And then, after she splits in half and all the characters are on the run from the big, bad killer, the guy in the Stifler role ends up in the killer's barn looking in his fridge for a tall, cool one! Yeah, that's exactly what I would do if a chainsaw killer were chasing me, go look in his barn fridge for a beer! And the whole while he's doing it, it's like he's all calm, cool, and collected!! I don't know if IMDb.com would consider what I've written here a spoiler, that's why I checked "Contains Spoiler," so as not to be blacklisted, just to be on the safe side. Another idiotic part of the movie (possible spoiler) is when the cop gets killed, the dude and the blonde get the keys to his police vehicle off his key chain attached to his belt loop...and...they...RUN. Like...the police jeep...is right there as they leave the house trying to escape from the chainsaw killer...jeep is not damaged in any way, shape, or form...and still...they run. On foot. No explanation even given as to why. Oh, man, I should have known...this is a new release to Family Video, and the fact that it had already been moved to the 2 for $1 rack had red flags going off in my head, but I thought, "Naw, it's Lionsgate, surely it rocks!" Wrong! I saw another Lionsgate film recently that sucked, too, but IMDb.com guidelines say to stick to the movie you're reviewing and not comment on other films. I'll be sure to come check out IMDb.com every time from now on if I want to read reviews on a movie, Lionsgate or not. Stay away from this stinker! Two thumbs way down!