I got a great idea: British films are sooo bad, what if we gather all the great actors we've got in one place - English, Welsh, Scottish, Irish, scouse, brummie, cockney, yeah? Mix em all up like in one big impossible family? It's gonna be a scream. OK, so we pitch the idea and some idiot gives us the green light. Man, this is gonna be bigger than the Boondock Saints. So we get the cast - and what a cast! - and we get the director, locations, mobile café, the works. Dammit! Who brought the story? What, no one? We're gonna have to make it up as we go along? What if it turns out to be a horrible, embarrassing mess, a waste of time and the collective talents of the UK's finest thesps? Whaddayamean, it couldn't happen again: when was the last time you paid to watch a British film? Guess what? It did happen again. Makes you want to crawl away and die of humiliation, don't it? Question: Who on God's planet finances British films? It has to be the same people who 'run' English football. Don't they watch movies? Don't they want to make money? See the papers this weekend (Aug 19 2006)? Bollywood consistently outperforms - make that trashes out of sight - British films in the UK. The subcontinental fools! Has no one told them how last century it is to make entertaining films that people actually want to see? You want to know what a bunch of relative unknowns can do with a script written with love, care and respect for its audience? Go watch Serenity.
