''The Hellcats'' is another vile biker movie that was shown and commented on in MST3K. It reminded me a little of another movie, ''Wild Rebels'', but that one had at least a reasonable and somewhat follow-able plot. This movie however, doesn't. It falls flat on it's face and makes no sense at all. It's supposedly about bikers, the mafia, drugs, violence, free love, and takes place in the 60's.
*** Spoilers here ***
The movie starts at a graveyard, where bikers are paying their last respects to someone by entrusting the coffin with some of their prized possessions. Things he may need in life after death, you know, knives, keys, beads, a worn-out jacket, a giant bra... then we get introduced to the police, some mafia-type guys, and we cut to the opening credits. These alone are enough to make someone vomit violently. We are constantly zooming out on some horrible paintings that look to have been made by a 5-year old that just threw cans of paint at the canvas. The music is horrible lame.
The first major plot point comes when a guy and his girlfriend are having a romantic meet by the river. The guy gets sniped by some mafia guy. The guy's brother comes flying in, and he and the girlfriend infiltrate the biker gang for some reason. This gang consist of some guys with stupid nicknames like Sixpack, Snake and Hiney, and a bunch of supposedly tough, leather-clad women. One of them appears to be a pirate. Now don't make the mistake of thinking the women may make this movie worthwhile, because they don't. Another guy comes into their hide-out and tries to hit on one of them.
And here is where the movie officially starts to go south. We have been able to keep up until now, but that changes now. The bikers and the guy start to talk, but it looks like they are talking in code. For example, the guy seems to be saying: ''Bye sayyy... take your old lady hog and you move... I tell her blue... and he says not here you don't... and he spikes me 5 times on the wrist..'' Biker woman: ''You sound like a preacher.'' Biker: ''Yeah.. all mouth.'' WHAT? What did they just say? Before you can scratch yourself on the head, the guy pushes the biker over, then leaves. The bikers start a wild party, with lots of drinking, drugs, corny music, people kissing, dancing, spanking, men licking each other's nipples (yeah...). It all ends when one of the bikers gets a bad trip and starts talking about his mommy.
The movie plods along but I have lost track of the plot. Another guy comes by in the bar. Then we see bikers beating up a guy that was painting a woman in the forest. Another party with the bikers, with more stupid music, and this time out in the open. Another gang comes by and the leaders have a bike race, that ISN'T BEING SHOWN ON SCREEN. Instead, we get to see the bikers watch in terror. Then they have a chain fight. Then they play some kind of dangerous game involving two bikes driving in opposite direction and a man hanging in between them. After that is finally over, we cut to 2 guys in a house, playing chess, who seem to be keeping a heroin addicted woman as their slave. The biker women come by to buy drugs, and show their contempt.
After that we see one of the biker women have what must be the most unconvincing bike accident in cinema history. She rides along at like 20 mph, then hits a piece of metal and drives off the road. Bang, dead, face covered in blood. Then some of the bikers go visit the mafia one by one, and all get beaten up and tied up. Some guy threatens the bikers at their hide-out with a gun, but one of the women slaps his wrist with a belt and he drops it. Yeah, right. Then we get another unrelated scene, of a blonde woman getting strangled for no reason. This train-wreck of a movie ends with the bikers assaulting the mafia on a boat, freeing their comrades, and everyone lives happily ever after.
*** End spoilers ***
Bottom line: this movie sucks. The plot started out normally but became nonsensical and there was no real conclusion to the whole 'brother got killed' plot point. The acting was bad. The audio was even worse. Most of the time it was impossible to make out what they were saying, and if it was, it seemed to be random nonsense. The movie was padded with miles and miles of footage of people riding on bikes. And then another shot of bikers. And another. And another god forsaken biker riding on the highway. AARGH! The music was horrible, even for the 60's. The camera-work was 'unique'. The cameraman has very shaky hands, and he likes to zoom in and out a lot. For instance: during a biker party, he keeps zooming in and out on a dancing woman with her eyes closed. What was the point of that? Was it supposed to arouse the viewer or something? Well it didn't. Sometimes the camera just loses focus, too. Shoddy.
Don't watch without MST3K commentary on. 1 out of 10.
*** Spoilers here ***
The movie starts at a graveyard, where bikers are paying their last respects to someone by entrusting the coffin with some of their prized possessions. Things he may need in life after death, you know, knives, keys, beads, a worn-out jacket, a giant bra... then we get introduced to the police, some mafia-type guys, and we cut to the opening credits. These alone are enough to make someone vomit violently. We are constantly zooming out on some horrible paintings that look to have been made by a 5-year old that just threw cans of paint at the canvas. The music is horrible lame.
The first major plot point comes when a guy and his girlfriend are having a romantic meet by the river. The guy gets sniped by some mafia guy. The guy's brother comes flying in, and he and the girlfriend infiltrate the biker gang for some reason. This gang consist of some guys with stupid nicknames like Sixpack, Snake and Hiney, and a bunch of supposedly tough, leather-clad women. One of them appears to be a pirate. Now don't make the mistake of thinking the women may make this movie worthwhile, because they don't. Another guy comes into their hide-out and tries to hit on one of them.
And here is where the movie officially starts to go south. We have been able to keep up until now, but that changes now. The bikers and the guy start to talk, but it looks like they are talking in code. For example, the guy seems to be saying: ''Bye sayyy... take your old lady hog and you move... I tell her blue... and he says not here you don't... and he spikes me 5 times on the wrist..'' Biker woman: ''You sound like a preacher.'' Biker: ''Yeah.. all mouth.'' WHAT? What did they just say? Before you can scratch yourself on the head, the guy pushes the biker over, then leaves. The bikers start a wild party, with lots of drinking, drugs, corny music, people kissing, dancing, spanking, men licking each other's nipples (yeah...). It all ends when one of the bikers gets a bad trip and starts talking about his mommy.
The movie plods along but I have lost track of the plot. Another guy comes by in the bar. Then we see bikers beating up a guy that was painting a woman in the forest. Another party with the bikers, with more stupid music, and this time out in the open. Another gang comes by and the leaders have a bike race, that ISN'T BEING SHOWN ON SCREEN. Instead, we get to see the bikers watch in terror. Then they have a chain fight. Then they play some kind of dangerous game involving two bikes driving in opposite direction and a man hanging in between them. After that is finally over, we cut to 2 guys in a house, playing chess, who seem to be keeping a heroin addicted woman as their slave. The biker women come by to buy drugs, and show their contempt.
After that we see one of the biker women have what must be the most unconvincing bike accident in cinema history. She rides along at like 20 mph, then hits a piece of metal and drives off the road. Bang, dead, face covered in blood. Then some of the bikers go visit the mafia one by one, and all get beaten up and tied up. Some guy threatens the bikers at their hide-out with a gun, but one of the women slaps his wrist with a belt and he drops it. Yeah, right. Then we get another unrelated scene, of a blonde woman getting strangled for no reason. This train-wreck of a movie ends with the bikers assaulting the mafia on a boat, freeing their comrades, and everyone lives happily ever after.
*** End spoilers ***
Bottom line: this movie sucks. The plot started out normally but became nonsensical and there was no real conclusion to the whole 'brother got killed' plot point. The acting was bad. The audio was even worse. Most of the time it was impossible to make out what they were saying, and if it was, it seemed to be random nonsense. The movie was padded with miles and miles of footage of people riding on bikes. And then another shot of bikers. And another. And another god forsaken biker riding on the highway. AARGH! The music was horrible, even for the 60's. The camera-work was 'unique'. The cameraman has very shaky hands, and he likes to zoom in and out a lot. For instance: during a biker party, he keeps zooming in and out on a dancing woman with her eyes closed. What was the point of that? Was it supposed to arouse the viewer or something? Well it didn't. Sometimes the camera just loses focus, too. Shoddy.
Don't watch without MST3K commentary on. 1 out of 10.