Space Thing (1968)
3/10
Say sleaze!
1 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
It's the year 2069; Col. Granilla is a Planetarian, an alien in human disguise so that he can infiltrate the space ship of Captain Mother, whose crew is basically made up of females that like to strut around in little clothing. These Terranians really confuse and disgust him in the way they perform their intimate ways, as most of the girls have really got it for Granilla and the feisty lesbian Captain Mother doesn't like the idea of her girls getting it on with men. So he becomes caught up in a tussle between Captain Mother, a couple girls and one of the two men who's incredibly jealous of his intentions. But there's more a greater purpose for him being on the ship and that's to stop them reaching his planet.

Oh boy this should be a true stinker, just look at the film's outline. True I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but this inter-galactic, exploitation z-grade production has some sort of trashy appeal to it, because you won't see anything quite like it. That appeal would be in the slightest of doses, though. This surely would've been rated one of the worst films of all time if not for its exploitative context which is why it probably went by unnoticed. It's bad, real bad but entertaining in certain aspects of this awfulness and amateur set-up. On this occasion I would say its one of those times when the commentary on the DVD outdoes the actual feature. The producer David F Friedman spends the beginning talking up how bad it is and I tend to agree with him when he claims that 'Plan 9 from Outer space' has a new contender, and it really makes Plan 9 look like an epic, yep that's true. I'm not exaggerating! What we get here is buckets of female nudity and soft-core sexual acts. There's definitely no innuendo going one here!

To begin with is a drawn out prologue involving man reading Sci-fi stories while his wife is complaining about that's all he does and she's sexually depraved. Well, not too long we get our first sexual play and then it moves into its nude space story that he might be dreaming about. It's either focusing on its cheap looking sets or that of the woman who are basically in little clothing, if none at times. Oh that might be great, but hell at times it got a bit tedious with the same old shots and actions occurring. Really, there's little if no plot but to stage one sexually passionate act and some ladies walking and lazing about in the nude after another. They seem to find an opportunity to just shove it in the film. Although don't expect it to be rather erotic, because it doesn't really have that effect. But who's to complain when the woman involved in this skin flick are rather ravishing to say the least. That especially goes to the busty Captain Mother who loves her lesbian action and (tamely) sadistic pleasure. Also were given a tongue in cheek narration, which flows throughout the feature and actually will raise a chuckle if you let it. I thought this one was of its better things, among the bad. The goofy script is better off, as it plays for a comedy and it does have some moments. The way this comes across as, it's like a parody on people having sex for the first time. Well, more so a parody on sex and love education for aliens. But the actual plot is nothing but little set pieces, which are set-up to prolong the running time, that's why some do come across rather repetitive and tedious. Really nothing does come off together. Well, it's mentioned on the commentary that they had a time limit to reach and with no real story, it was always going to be a hard ask to complete.

The budget really shows. Cheap, that's very cheap. That's even if they had one? If I remember correctly the producer said on the commentary the budget was something just under $40. Yeah, I can believe that! As technically the shaky foundation is household items, with cardboard and model sets. Some props are just laughably bad that it looks all primitive with toys and conjured up items hanging by strings. The imagination truly blew me away… I wish. The only thing that had an ounce of freshness might have been how they staged the opening credits. But everything else is just plain horrifyingly inane from the soundtrack that's all over shop that it resembles that of cheesy elevator music to the disjointed and weirdly style of editing and the very intrusive camera-work that didn't venture away from its few and usual frames and angles. The constant heavy breathing during moments involving the characters getting it on had me questioning was that on camera or behind it? Both I say. The effects (maybe that's a overstatement?) are another story, as the explosion to end the story off seem to be out of time by already being on fire before exploding. It's a whopper! Also that spaceship, called the erection was a dish… I think (?) and sometimes seamlessly it didn't fit the size ratio that it's supposed be when on screen. There's even a moment involving a person going out to see if a planet is safe enough for them to leave their spaceship, but when he leaves the ship by it's door, there's no airlock. Therefore, possibly releasing dangerous gases into ship. Oh heck, forget about this as it was the limitations that caused this trash, but lovable trash… to some agrees;) Maybe I spent too much time on this, so I'll wrap it up.

Nude in space with gallons of tempting female flesh and campy dialogue, that's about it. Nothing more and nothing less.
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