Oh well. That was... erm, fun? Though there's not much that's terribly bad about it, there's nothing to raise it above serviceable either.
This is firmly one of those "vampires as lustful sensuous types" sort of films, though most of this is confined to the first 20 or so minutes, which grants us several scenes of rampant vampire sex. Sort of. Well, all right, the beginning has the main vampire Count (who looks disturbingly like a cross between Chris de Burgh and David Essex) rolling about (always seen from the waist up, however) with a nude woman, kissing her here, there and everywhere via cunning mix-n'-fade shots. Their little bit of nookey is however interrupted by the descending of flaming-torch wielding villagers, led by a schoolmaster played by Laurence Payne (looking strangely attractive here though I can't put my finger on why, and probably have no wish to). After the Count dispatches most of them in a vaguely gory manner, he gets staked before he can lay his murderous hands on Thorley Walters (hurrah!) There then follows a "Burn the castle!" bit and a scene where the woman he was having it away with (who's also the schoolmaster's wife - you getting all this?) is whipped and runs back into the castle to hide in a crypt to weep over the body of the vampire Count, who vows that all the children shall die to grant him life, or somesuch bobbins. And all of this is within the first twelve minutes - and then we actually see the opening credits.
Though this might seem all rather pacey and interesting, it isn't really for the duration. Unlike "Twins of Evil" and "Hands of the Ripper", most of the characters are sketchy at best, and acting talent lies in but a handful of them. The premise is a bit ho-hum - vampires try to revive dead lord whilst entertaining populace with a creepy circus - and there's far too much to-ing and fro-ing, with characters running off to do this and that, then arriving back where they were not much better off than they were before (the village doctor decides he should leave to find a cure for the "illness" that is spreading amongst the villagers, asks the mayor for a signed document to let him get past the roadblock, and then forgets about it anyway and decides to ride off and get shot at). The circus acts themselves get a bit wearying after a while, and there's a very odd bit where a man with a whip dances with a naked woman covered in paint, who looks like a lizard tiger... thing, in a way which is curiously erotic, unsettling, and silly all at the same time. The villagers are also a rather thick lot; despite being terrified of vampire legends and the "events that happened fifteen years ago," they happily watch various acrobats flinging themselves through the air, turning into bats, and don't get suspicious at all. And a panther turns into a man with an Alan Davies wig. Hmmm.
Whilst all this malarkey goes on, several bodies are found in the woods, lacerated beyond recognition. Cue the following dialogue: "It must have been the men at the road blocks!" Yes... the men... with their rifles... of course...
"It was those jungle animals from the circus!" "But they're all caged, it couldn't have been them!" Somebody give the boy a slap...
There's a fair bit of violence, including a rather graphic bit where a bloke gets shot in the chest and his back blows out rather nauseatingly. And most of the young women take their tops off at some stage with the unfortunate exception of Ms. Lalla Ward, appearing here as a vampire twin (a twin of evil, you might say, ha ha), baring her fangs (hence my cunning summary title - ho ho ho) in what was her first professional acting role after leaving drama school. Despite wearing a terrible dancers costume for much of it, she still looks rather attractive (especially when doing her vampire bit), though sounds oddly dubbed (though she isn't), her voice nothing like the sharp tones of Romana of "Doctor Who" a few years later.
The film runs around in circles for a while, and then ends rather predictably. I can't say too much more as there are some twists to be found and a few rather shocking, yet hilarious, death scenes. However, overall I didn't really enjoy it all that much, and have probably made it seem more interesting than it really is. Still, it has various "Doctor Who" actors (three cast members from "The Leisure Hive" alone, including Lalla Ward) and Dave Prowse as a strongman, so, um... er...
Oh, and there's one bit that really puts the icing on the cake and makes it an all-round bad 'un, though I'll leave a spoiler space, so beware...
SPOILER ....
....
... THEY KILLED THORLEY WALTERS!!! AUUUUUGHHHHH!!! BASTARDS!!! BAAAASSSSSSTAAAAARRRRDDDDSSS!!!!! *sob*
This is firmly one of those "vampires as lustful sensuous types" sort of films, though most of this is confined to the first 20 or so minutes, which grants us several scenes of rampant vampire sex. Sort of. Well, all right, the beginning has the main vampire Count (who looks disturbingly like a cross between Chris de Burgh and David Essex) rolling about (always seen from the waist up, however) with a nude woman, kissing her here, there and everywhere via cunning mix-n'-fade shots. Their little bit of nookey is however interrupted by the descending of flaming-torch wielding villagers, led by a schoolmaster played by Laurence Payne (looking strangely attractive here though I can't put my finger on why, and probably have no wish to). After the Count dispatches most of them in a vaguely gory manner, he gets staked before he can lay his murderous hands on Thorley Walters (hurrah!) There then follows a "Burn the castle!" bit and a scene where the woman he was having it away with (who's also the schoolmaster's wife - you getting all this?) is whipped and runs back into the castle to hide in a crypt to weep over the body of the vampire Count, who vows that all the children shall die to grant him life, or somesuch bobbins. And all of this is within the first twelve minutes - and then we actually see the opening credits.
Though this might seem all rather pacey and interesting, it isn't really for the duration. Unlike "Twins of Evil" and "Hands of the Ripper", most of the characters are sketchy at best, and acting talent lies in but a handful of them. The premise is a bit ho-hum - vampires try to revive dead lord whilst entertaining populace with a creepy circus - and there's far too much to-ing and fro-ing, with characters running off to do this and that, then arriving back where they were not much better off than they were before (the village doctor decides he should leave to find a cure for the "illness" that is spreading amongst the villagers, asks the mayor for a signed document to let him get past the roadblock, and then forgets about it anyway and decides to ride off and get shot at). The circus acts themselves get a bit wearying after a while, and there's a very odd bit where a man with a whip dances with a naked woman covered in paint, who looks like a lizard tiger... thing, in a way which is curiously erotic, unsettling, and silly all at the same time. The villagers are also a rather thick lot; despite being terrified of vampire legends and the "events that happened fifteen years ago," they happily watch various acrobats flinging themselves through the air, turning into bats, and don't get suspicious at all. And a panther turns into a man with an Alan Davies wig. Hmmm.
Whilst all this malarkey goes on, several bodies are found in the woods, lacerated beyond recognition. Cue the following dialogue: "It must have been the men at the road blocks!" Yes... the men... with their rifles... of course...
"It was those jungle animals from the circus!" "But they're all caged, it couldn't have been them!" Somebody give the boy a slap...
There's a fair bit of violence, including a rather graphic bit where a bloke gets shot in the chest and his back blows out rather nauseatingly. And most of the young women take their tops off at some stage with the unfortunate exception of Ms. Lalla Ward, appearing here as a vampire twin (a twin of evil, you might say, ha ha), baring her fangs (hence my cunning summary title - ho ho ho) in what was her first professional acting role after leaving drama school. Despite wearing a terrible dancers costume for much of it, she still looks rather attractive (especially when doing her vampire bit), though sounds oddly dubbed (though she isn't), her voice nothing like the sharp tones of Romana of "Doctor Who" a few years later.
The film runs around in circles for a while, and then ends rather predictably. I can't say too much more as there are some twists to be found and a few rather shocking, yet hilarious, death scenes. However, overall I didn't really enjoy it all that much, and have probably made it seem more interesting than it really is. Still, it has various "Doctor Who" actors (three cast members from "The Leisure Hive" alone, including Lalla Ward) and Dave Prowse as a strongman, so, um... er...
Oh, and there's one bit that really puts the icing on the cake and makes it an all-round bad 'un, though I'll leave a spoiler space, so beware...
SPOILER ....
....
... THEY KILLED THORLEY WALTERS!!! AUUUUUGHHHHH!!! BASTARDS!!! BAAAASSSSSSTAAAAARRRRDDDDSSS!!!!! *sob*