6/10
Just how far will a person go for love?
20 February 2004
Warning: Spoilers
Spoiler Just how far will a person go for love? It's a standard theme in many movies, from "A Star Is Born" to "The Fluffer." It's also the theme of "Bulgarian Lovers."

Based on the 1996 book by the veteran Spanish gay fiction author Eduardo Mendicutti and adapted for the screen by writer-director Eloy de la Iglesia and writer-star Fernando Guillen Cuervo, the story is about the love life of an architect named Daniel. Daniel is part of a group of wild, promiscuous and rather queeny homosexual men in Madrid. The influx of Eastern European men -- almost all of them sexy, penniless, starving and willing to engage in some meaningless straight-trade sex for a meal and roof over their heads -- has perked up the group's sex life. Daniel is on the lookout for the perfect man: Handsome, muscular, hairy and hung. He finds him in the Bulgarian, Kyril.

But the standard problems with straight-trade men crop up. Kyril doesn't kiss. Although he's a demon in bed (there is a very funny scene where -- as the two make love for the first time -- Kyril constantly looking at his watch as Kyril's savage love-making makes Daniel desperate for it to end. Kyril cares little for Daniel except for the things Daniel can do for him (feed him, clothe him, house him). And Kyril regales Daniel with tales of his Bulgarian fiancee, Kalina.

Life drifts along for Daniel and Kyril, and that's the first problem with this movie. Although actor Dritan Biba (Kyril) is drop-dead gorgeous and delivers several full-frontal nude scenes, there is little about the relationship between Daniel and Kyril to keep an audience's attention. The character of Kyril is written to be wooden, emotionally closed off and secretive. Subsequently, the performance given by Biba is about as interesting as watching paint dry. I found myself wishing for more sex scenes, just to keep my attention.

Kyril's desire for money and then more money leads him to engage in a number of shady deals. He co-opts Daniel by having him hold on to large packages, co-sign loans, and "fix" Kyril's immigration papers so that he can stay in Madrid legally. Kyril even has Daniel consult for a Bulgarian oil magnate with organized-crime connections. The problem is that the audience knows how this is going to turn out: Kyril is going to do something horrific, Daniel is going to abet his crime despite his better angels, and Daniel will end up alone.

Matters take an even worse turn at the film's mid-point when Kalina, Kyril's fiancee, shows up in Madrid. Daniel is shoved aside as the two lovers reunite. Daniel attempts to take up with another Bulgarian, the beautiful (aren't they all?) Emil. But home-intruders break in and interrupt their love-making. Were these men Mafiosa? Or were they sent by Kyril to break up the burgeoning love affair between Daniel and Emil? We never really know. But the gorgeous Emil quickly disappears.

The film takes a bit of a sidelight when Kyril is beaten (by his shady business partners, or just street ruffians?) and is hospitalized. Daniel demands that Kyril give up all his shady dealings, but Kyril refuses. Instead, Kyril announces that he, Daniel and Kalina must return to Bulgaria for Kyril and Kalina's wedding.

The Bulgarian sequences are relatively uninteresting. Little of consequence occurs. Daniel naturally is insanely jealous of Kalina, and tries to break off his relationship with Kyril. Kyril ruthlessly seduces him, however. Daniel complains that he is as much Kyril's wife as Kalina is, and that Kyril should dance with him as he danced with Kalina at the wedding. Kyril does so. That alone assuages Daniel's anger, and all is well again. I practically groaned out loud when this happened. Developments like this are so completely predictable. Daniel's narrated rationales for his decisions are uninspired and unoriginal.

The lone plot development is that Daniel meets and is attracted to Kyril's young, handsome, over-sexed cousin, Robi. Robi, it seems, is a budding homosexual. He attempts to seduce Daniel, but Daniel rushes back into Kyril's arms.

Back in Madrid, Daniel is once again shoved aside. To make Daniel happy, Kyril and Kalina spend time with Daniel at the country home where Daniel's parents live. But soon thereafter Kyril is arrested and jailed for smuggling. Kyril tells Daniel that he stashed a bag at Daniel's parents' house. If Daniel retrieves the bag and delivers it to the shady Bulgarian oil magnate, Kyril will be released from jail.

Daniel does so -- of course. And, naturally, the bag contains something so horrific that it could, quite literally, end the world. Daniel tells us in voiceover that the "refugees from catastrophe will turn Paradise into Hell." But these moral musings lead absolutely nowhere. The besotted Daniel still delivers the package, and Kyril is freed.

Daniel ends his relationship with Kyril. But not for long. Several weeks later, bereft, Daniel locates Kyril once again. He loans Kyril a large amount of money and tells him to leave the country. The only caveat is that Daniel asks Kyril to call him "once in a while." Kyril never does, of course.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to have gotten out of this film. The trajectory of Daniel and Kyril's relationship is predictable. Daniel's voiceover narration doesn't provide any insight into Daniel's motivations, and is rather poorly written (perhaps this is due to the English translation, but I doubt it). Cuervo's depiction of Daniel is rather lackluster. He plays Daniel as pathetic and spineless, and it doesn't make for an interesting performance.

Perhaps if Daniel were on some personal journey, we'd care more. Perhaps if Kyril weren't such a completely nasty person, we'd care more. Perhaps if Daniel discovered something about himself, the film would be worth watching. Even if the film decided to take the "film noir" track and depict Daniel as caught up by forces beyond his control... Perhaps if the film depicted love as something so powerful and overwhelming that it could not be opposed, even if it led to nuclear holocaust, we'd be more willing to spend 2 hours in the theater. But the film never goes anywhere beyond the standard straight-trade relationship.

Compounding the problem is some average cinematography and editing, lackluster production design and unimaginative locale shots. The supporting cast is memorable for the outrageousness of the characters.

In the final analysis, "Bulgarian Lovers" contains some stunning eye-candy. The Bulgarians are gorgeous, and most of them get naked at one point or another. But the film's heart and soul is missing. In a way, the film mirrors the very nature of the straight-trade Bulgarian lovers that it depicts: Beautiful, but empty.
20 out of 24 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed