2/10
Will the last person out please slap McG.....HARD!
18 April 2004
What can one say about this movie? Words like peurile, pointless, ridiculous, inane and so on spring immediately to mind. One reviewer commented that it was entertainment for sufferers of Attention Deficit Disorder, and I can't argue with that. If anything, that's being kind. It's more like entertainment for three year olds. At least, the last time I saw such utterly ridiculous action scenes was in a Roadrunner cartoon when I was a kid. From the opening "truck containing helicopter falls off dam..." scene it just goes downhill all the way.

Now, when I was younger, I thought it would be cool if films had more music in them, some nice rock or even pop tunes here and there. But you can take things too far, and McZero has done exactly that here. Not just pop songs populate the film, but songs who's clever lyrics enhance the scene they're being played over.......not! You'll be cringing in embarrassment by the third or fourth song, trust me.

The best thing about the film was the guy playing Bosley, whom I hated at the start, but grew to like in direct proportion to my growing contempt at the rest of the film. He alone kept me watching to the end.

The angels were OK-ish, but the guy playing the "Irish" baddie needs some serious voice coaching. His accent was the worst Irish attempt I've seen since Burt Reynolds in Universal Soldier 3 (or was it 4?). Anyhow, he has all the menace of Scooby-Doo on Valium and overacts atrociously. There's one scene (I'll call it the Terminator 2 scene) where he looks off meaningfully to one side at the end of the scene. I can't really describe it, you have to see it. Suffice to say I could hardly breathe I was laughing so much.

And Demi Moore.....Well, let's just say that all the King's plastic surgeons and all the King's beauty therapists can't hide the fact that she is getting old. Nor can dating kids half her age or less, but we won't go there. If this is her comeback I doubt we'll be seeing much of her in the future.

All that McZero has done here is produce an endless music video with ludicrous action sequences interspersed throughout. That's it. There's bugger all plot, bugger all acting and pointless cameos from actors who really should know better.

Things I learnt from this film, contrary to accepted physics and common sense:

If you fall off a dam, there's enough time whilst you're falling to climb inside a helicopter, cold start it, then fly it to safety before being smashed to pieces.

Also, never have an accident on an off-road motorbike, as they automatically explode on impact.

"Irish" bad guys are fire-resistant.

A Kevlar vest will stop a .50 calibre handgun round at ten feet.

Desert Eagle's (the above mentioned handgun) have so little recoil and are so easy to handle that even an aging has-been actress can use one in each hand.

I could go on, but you've probably got the idea by now that I was far from impressed with this film. So let's just say that, if you're three years old this movie rocks! Otherwise it's a concrete block on it's way down to the bottom of the Ocean of Movie Obscurity. And deservedly so.

NOT recommended.
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