King Cobra (1999 Video)
4/10
King Cobblers!
3 January 2004
I know, it's crap! But even so, I derived a HUGE amount of enjoyment from this stupid, stupid movie.

It starts off almost like its aiming to be a serious horror flick. But as the movie progresses, it just gets sillier and sillier and sillier. What's more, the cast all seem to realise it's getting increasingly ludicrous and camp it up ever more enthusiastically.

That's not to excuse the terrible acting, especially before the "camp" factor sets in. There's one scene with the doctor (Hildebrand) and the cop lady (Fallo) where she gives him a gift, they kiss and cuddle a bit, then he throws her off and launches into THE WORST monologue about how he can't get involved because he has his future to think about, and how he can never amount to anything in the small town and must go to the big city etc. etc. Truly vomit inducing stuff and all delivered so woodenly that I was rolling about with laughter.

It was after this scene (quite early on) that I realised what a treat this film was going to be (in terms of bad movie-ness). It has some stumbles, but its really a riot if you treat it as a big joke, as the cast seem to later on.

Pat Morita also gets one of the most protracted death scenes I've ever witnessed on film. Regardless of his immunity to poison, just how many six-inch fang bites can one man survive before he dies of blood loss, if nothing else? You'll find out in this film!

Things to watch out for:

1. The aforementioned awful monologue.

2. A cameo by Erik Estrada (of CHiPs fame) as a gay guy.

3. The sheriff, who spits tobacco into a cup constantly and has some of the best one-liners in the movie.

4. The snake, which is just ridiculously funny whenever you see it.

5. The "local hunters", who are just fun to watch whenever they are on screen.

6. Pat Morita, who looks constantly embarrassed to be in this film.

All in all, a silly movie for lovers of bad movies! It has all the horror cliches you'd expect, along with clumsy exposition, bad acting and poor effects. But it is fun, if you treat it as pure crap. Try and see it as a serious film, and you are doomed to disappointment.
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