Leggy lawyer Cindy Crawford is attempting to get sleazy lawyer Dan Hedaya to admit that his client owns a certain boat.
Crawford shows Hedaya a picture of a boat. "Never heard of the *Tortuga*," he says.
"I didn't say the name," says Crawford.
Ha! Gotcha! Isn't she clever? Even though there was no reason--NONE--for Hedaya to say the name of the boat, he said it anyway. I mean, it doesn't even make any *sense* for him to say the name of the boat at this point. In the situation, it's virtually a *non sequitur*.
But he said it anyway! That's just how brilliant Ms. Crawford's character is.
And you know what? That's only a minor idiocy, like having Billy Baldwin claim that he's been on hold for 20 minutes when we can clearly hear that he's at the very beginning ("press 1, press 2") of one of those automated phone systems.
It gets worse...oh, so much worse. I mean, Cindy Crawford plays a brilliant lawyer, for God's sake!
Then there's the "infrared scope" scene, the stupidity of which is beyond my descriptive powers.
And am I wrong, or was "They did it on computers!" a really lame explanation for all this, even back in 1995?
And I have given up trying to understand how the bad guy's plan is supposed to work--I mean, what is killing one lawyer supposed to accomplish? Is the idea that she's the only lawyer in Florida who could get a judge to enforce an outstanding court order? Or is she supposed not to have put any of this information in her law firm's files? Or mentioned it to anyone else? Or filed any court papers? Or employed a single clerk or investigator on the case? You know, I really don't think these guys understand how the world works.
And since their plan is going to be completed in a very short time anyway, does it even matter? Wouldn't it have been smarter just to have sleazy lawyer Hedaya stall for a couple of days if necessary? It just doesn't make any sense!
And I absolutely refuse, for the sake of my own mental health, to even go into this "federal maritime court" nonsense.
It comes as no surprise to learn that idiot screenwriter Charlie Fletcher has only one other credit. Whether this is because he's too stupid even to gain employment in Hollywood, or smart enough to have changed his name, I don't know.
Idiot director Andrew Sipes (whose cinema career seems to have come to an abrupt and deserved end after he helmed this, his one and only movie) tries to add "excitement" to the first couple of "action" scenes by doing flash pans accompanied by "SHOOM!" noises, although he abandons this after the first couple of scenes and moves on to the even more clichéd slow-motion.
If anyone had been stupid enough to give Ed Wood a $50-million-dollar budget (and if anyone had been, it would have been idiot producer Joel Silver), this is the movie he would have made. If you enjoy repeatedly shouting "Oh, come ON!" at the screen, then you'll like this movie. If you want intelligent scripting, competent acting, exciting action, and skillful direction, look elsewhere.
Crawford shows Hedaya a picture of a boat. "Never heard of the *Tortuga*," he says.
"I didn't say the name," says Crawford.
Ha! Gotcha! Isn't she clever? Even though there was no reason--NONE--for Hedaya to say the name of the boat, he said it anyway. I mean, it doesn't even make any *sense* for him to say the name of the boat at this point. In the situation, it's virtually a *non sequitur*.
But he said it anyway! That's just how brilliant Ms. Crawford's character is.
And you know what? That's only a minor idiocy, like having Billy Baldwin claim that he's been on hold for 20 minutes when we can clearly hear that he's at the very beginning ("press 1, press 2") of one of those automated phone systems.
It gets worse...oh, so much worse. I mean, Cindy Crawford plays a brilliant lawyer, for God's sake!
Then there's the "infrared scope" scene, the stupidity of which is beyond my descriptive powers.
And am I wrong, or was "They did it on computers!" a really lame explanation for all this, even back in 1995?
And I have given up trying to understand how the bad guy's plan is supposed to work--I mean, what is killing one lawyer supposed to accomplish? Is the idea that she's the only lawyer in Florida who could get a judge to enforce an outstanding court order? Or is she supposed not to have put any of this information in her law firm's files? Or mentioned it to anyone else? Or filed any court papers? Or employed a single clerk or investigator on the case? You know, I really don't think these guys understand how the world works.
And since their plan is going to be completed in a very short time anyway, does it even matter? Wouldn't it have been smarter just to have sleazy lawyer Hedaya stall for a couple of days if necessary? It just doesn't make any sense!
And I absolutely refuse, for the sake of my own mental health, to even go into this "federal maritime court" nonsense.
It comes as no surprise to learn that idiot screenwriter Charlie Fletcher has only one other credit. Whether this is because he's too stupid even to gain employment in Hollywood, or smart enough to have changed his name, I don't know.
Idiot director Andrew Sipes (whose cinema career seems to have come to an abrupt and deserved end after he helmed this, his one and only movie) tries to add "excitement" to the first couple of "action" scenes by doing flash pans accompanied by "SHOOM!" noises, although he abandons this after the first couple of scenes and moves on to the even more clichéd slow-motion.
If anyone had been stupid enough to give Ed Wood a $50-million-dollar budget (and if anyone had been, it would have been idiot producer Joel Silver), this is the movie he would have made. If you enjoy repeatedly shouting "Oh, come ON!" at the screen, then you'll like this movie. If you want intelligent scripting, competent acting, exciting action, and skillful direction, look elsewhere.