I have the doubtful distinction of having seen "Hook" three times. For the life of me I can't say how this happened. Still, it's something to brag about in later years; for I very much doubt that even the misguided people who saw it a second time managed to see it a third time.
What made me do it, you ask? Well, it's like many fatalistic human impulses. I continued to watch out of disbelief: for it seemed that something which was never very good managed to disintegrate more rapidly the more I stared at it. Since I expect that no-one else in the world has seen it three times, I feel especially qualified to say what's wrong with it.
Everything. It's ugly. The Lost Boys are loathsome (and so very 1980s). Julia Roberts is a ridiculous tinkerbell. A hessian sack would have made a more flattering costume. It's never clear to what extent magic is involved in the plot - whether, for instance, Peter's son forgets his father due to enchantment or for emotional reasons. (It makes a HUGE difference to the story.) The plot is lame and contrived. The messages inherent in "Close Encounters", "Jurassic Park", "E.T." and "Empire of the Sun" - that only the especially depraved and wicked dislike children, that even the most appalling children are God's own angels - are rammed down the throat with excessive force here.
But worst of all is the bitsiness. I didn't have my stopwatch out (on any of the three occasions), but I think that "Hook" has the shortest romantic interlude of any film ever made. It's between Peter Pan and Tinkerbell ... "Tinkerbell - you're big!" "Yes, and I've always loved you." "Oh - then I suppose I should kiss you." "No - you should really rescue your children." "Okay." -It whips by! And it's a scene that has no reason to exist; and, like every other scene, no relation to the scenes around it. The entire film is like Spielberg's conception of Neverland: snow here, desert a metre away, sex just two paces to the left, childhood innocence two paces to the right ... all self-contained units, all tossed into the bowl hap-hazardly in the belief that a salad with every ingredient will taste better than a salad with just three or four.
Anyone for a strawberry shortcake, gherkin and watercress salad?
What made me do it, you ask? Well, it's like many fatalistic human impulses. I continued to watch out of disbelief: for it seemed that something which was never very good managed to disintegrate more rapidly the more I stared at it. Since I expect that no-one else in the world has seen it three times, I feel especially qualified to say what's wrong with it.
Everything. It's ugly. The Lost Boys are loathsome (and so very 1980s). Julia Roberts is a ridiculous tinkerbell. A hessian sack would have made a more flattering costume. It's never clear to what extent magic is involved in the plot - whether, for instance, Peter's son forgets his father due to enchantment or for emotional reasons. (It makes a HUGE difference to the story.) The plot is lame and contrived. The messages inherent in "Close Encounters", "Jurassic Park", "E.T." and "Empire of the Sun" - that only the especially depraved and wicked dislike children, that even the most appalling children are God's own angels - are rammed down the throat with excessive force here.
But worst of all is the bitsiness. I didn't have my stopwatch out (on any of the three occasions), but I think that "Hook" has the shortest romantic interlude of any film ever made. It's between Peter Pan and Tinkerbell ... "Tinkerbell - you're big!" "Yes, and I've always loved you." "Oh - then I suppose I should kiss you." "No - you should really rescue your children." "Okay." -It whips by! And it's a scene that has no reason to exist; and, like every other scene, no relation to the scenes around it. The entire film is like Spielberg's conception of Neverland: snow here, desert a metre away, sex just two paces to the left, childhood innocence two paces to the right ... all self-contained units, all tossed into the bowl hap-hazardly in the belief that a salad with every ingredient will taste better than a salad with just three or four.
Anyone for a strawberry shortcake, gherkin and watercress salad?