Tom Laughlin directed this.
Yep, good-old Billy Jack; the Master Gunfighter himself. And no, this one doesn't clock in at over three hours - it just FEELS like it.
"The Touch of Satan" is awash in stupid people. But not just any stupid people: slow, boring, lethargic and stupid people. From as far back as the 1800's to the 1970's, they all act the same - bored stiff. Even a batch of witch-burners chanting out "burn the witch...burn the witch....", exactly the way I wrote it. No exclamation points, no shouting, they just...say it. Hey Tom, give the cast some coffee, will ya?!
Some nondescript guy drives into this stupid, bored town and falls in love with a 200 year-old woman who doesn't look a day over 20 (or maybe 30 - okay, 39), in spite of having a haggard old woman living with her that pitchforks, meathooks or squeals at people at the most inconvenient times. There's a little blood, some nudity and a weird ending sequence where the credits and the end score both skip ahead a little. Coincidence, or...THE TOUCH OF SATAN? Aaah, who cares?
Oh, and a lot of dramatic pauses. I mean A LOT OF DRAMATIC PAUSES. Take them out, this crummy flick wouldn't even last twenty minutes. I know, they were trying to make it more dramatic and cerebral, blah blah blah. Great, if only this film had a brain to BE cerebral with!
Even Mike and the robots struggle along in this one. Favorite scene: their "whacka-chaka" sing-along with the beginning theme (very '70s, trust me).
No stars, not a single stinkin' one, for "The Touch of Satan". Only five for the MST3K version.
Hey "Satan", go "Touch" someone else.
Yep, good-old Billy Jack; the Master Gunfighter himself. And no, this one doesn't clock in at over three hours - it just FEELS like it.
"The Touch of Satan" is awash in stupid people. But not just any stupid people: slow, boring, lethargic and stupid people. From as far back as the 1800's to the 1970's, they all act the same - bored stiff. Even a batch of witch-burners chanting out "burn the witch...burn the witch....", exactly the way I wrote it. No exclamation points, no shouting, they just...say it. Hey Tom, give the cast some coffee, will ya?!
Some nondescript guy drives into this stupid, bored town and falls in love with a 200 year-old woman who doesn't look a day over 20 (or maybe 30 - okay, 39), in spite of having a haggard old woman living with her that pitchforks, meathooks or squeals at people at the most inconvenient times. There's a little blood, some nudity and a weird ending sequence where the credits and the end score both skip ahead a little. Coincidence, or...THE TOUCH OF SATAN? Aaah, who cares?
Oh, and a lot of dramatic pauses. I mean A LOT OF DRAMATIC PAUSES. Take them out, this crummy flick wouldn't even last twenty minutes. I know, they were trying to make it more dramatic and cerebral, blah blah blah. Great, if only this film had a brain to BE cerebral with!
Even Mike and the robots struggle along in this one. Favorite scene: their "whacka-chaka" sing-along with the beginning theme (very '70s, trust me).
No stars, not a single stinkin' one, for "The Touch of Satan". Only five for the MST3K version.
Hey "Satan", go "Touch" someone else.