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Reviews
Kolory zla. Czerwien (2024)
Colors of Evil: Red (Herring)
It's a nicely-crafted Polish serial killer thriller, similar in tone and premise to any number of relatively recent Scandi-noir procedurals. The pace is deliberate and it's used effectively to develop the characters; a particular victim and her family get lots of screen time but the movie doesn't get bogged down in pathos. There's nothing particularly surprising in the story but it's a well-executed take on a familiar formula with good performances, comprehensible character motivations and some deft flourishes. Overall this is nothing spectacular but it's a solid effort that hits the right notes and concludes in a satisfying way.
The Postcard Killings (2020)
Decent Serial Killer Procedural
The Postcard Killings is a workmanlike serial killer procedural. There's nothing especially spectacular here but there's also nothing that's glaringly bad. It's not a mystery insofar as we know who's responsible for the killings from virtually the first scene despite an abortive red herring; but the movie still does a nice job of maintaining tension as various investigative agencies try to close the net. The characters and their motivations generally make sense, the killings are fittingly outlandish and the resolution is apt even if not surprising.
I have a pet peeve about the Hollywood trope of American law enforcement officers abroad being portrayed as pugnacious bull-in-a-china-shop jerks to their accommodating but incompetent foreign counterparts and this movie plays into that trope a bit. But it's a minor gripe. Overall this is a decent and somewhat underrated movie that hits all the expected beats with becoming entirely predictable.
Tires (2024)
Refreshing Straightforward Comedy
It's a blue collar version of The Office in which the goofy employees of a tire store get into all kinds of wacky shenanigans at work. It's a lot more lowbrow, outrageous and unrealistic than The Office but it's very funny in its own way. The small cast is affable and they play off each other well, particularly Steve Gerber as a well-meaning but incompetent manager as Shane Gillis as his lazy, insubordinate and domineering cousin/employee. There's nothing particularly original here but it's well done. Some of the gags will probably offend various sensibilities but the show doesn't have an obvious agenda beyond trying to make you laugh. It's refreshing.
Super 8 (2011)
A Lackluster Remix of Spielberg Classics
Call it a homage if you want. This nostalgia-bait retrospective remixes the Steve Spielberg classics of the late 1970s and 1980s, including The Goonies, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E. T., and Jaws. The look and feel of the movie, at least in the early going, successfully recapture Spielberg's classic style.
The problem is that Super 8 muddles its sources without much apparent thought or care. The result is a movie that doesn't seem to know what it wants to be other than an exercise in throwback window-dressing. The character interactions are inauthentic. The finale is contrived and inane.
Doctor Who (2023)
Dr. What Even Is This?
"Watch Dr. Who," they said. "It's a British institution," they said. Yeah well then it must be one of the bad British institutions, like pudding made of meat or quartering troops in someone's house.
I guess it's supposed to be a kid's show but the tone and subject matter are all over the place. There's a strange mix of goofy camp and self-seriousness. The best analogy I can make is if someone took one of scripts for the 1960s Batman television show and shot and scored it like a legitimate crime thriller.
Maybe things were different in the past but it's really difficult to believe this show supposedly has a devoted fanbase or widespread cultural relevance.
The Little Things (2021)
Grows Into an Interesting Thriller
The first act of this serial killer procedural/thriller is pretty bad. It seems like the screenwriter was trying to characterize his mismatched cops as noirish laconic tough guys; but they're so laconic that there's a confusing disconnect between their words and actions. Rami Maleck, in particular, seems unsure about what his character is supposed to be. Since Maleck is great in other things I assume this was a problem of writing or direction. Regardless things improve considerably once Jared Leto's sinister suspect shows up and all the characters and their motivations become gradually more comprehensible. Like the best of its genre this movie poses some interesting questions without proffering easy answers.
The Clovehitch Killer (2018)
Uneven Character Study of a Psychopath
The titular killer is closely modeled on Dennis Rader, the BTK killer, who led an ostensibly normal life as a family man and pillar of the community when he wasn't committing unspeakable acts of sadism and murder. There's no mystery and his identity is clear from the outset; but the movie still manages to sustain slow burning tension as it unravels his pathology and toys with just how far he'll go to keep his secrets. Unfortunately these chilling elements are ultimately undercut by the involvement of a couple of plucky teen amateur sleuths who try to take justice into their own hands. The finale ends up being contrived and reductive as a result.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
A Bizarre Disappointment
The best way to describe the premise of this movie is that it's the zombie version of Tim Burton's dud Mars Attacks! It's a smirking recreation of earnest genre films of yesteryear and it features an ensemble cast of A-listers who show up for extended cameos and are given very little to do. It's apparently supposed to be dark and dryly funny, although it never manages to be more than slighly amusing in a few scenes. It also takes a few stabs at fourth-wall-breaking absurdism but it's so ham-fisted and underutilized that it feels more like an afterthought than a coherent idea. By the time this movie sputtered to its finale without ever having gotten out of second gear I realized the only real joke in the whole production was on people like me who spent time and/or money to watch it.
IF (2024)
Kind of A Mess
Despite an A-list cast and a fun premise this movie is an incoherent disappointment. The tone is all over the place. It goes from dour to goofy to trying-too-hard-to-be-whimsical and back. The pacing is also inconsistent; and the entire middle third of the movie seems like padding to elongate a simple story. The big and very predicatble plot twist is basically Fight Club for kids, but without the dark humor or incisive commentary. There are parts of the movie that are colorful and kinetic but I doubt even young children will get much out of it because the story and characters are dull and unrelatable.
Malignant (2021)
They Couldn't Decide Whether They Were Serious
This movie has a goofy premise, ridiculous dialogue, stilted performances, a twist that's both bonkers and predictable, and cringe-so-hard-you'll-laugh action. It's a recipe for campy satire. But the direction, editing and score all seem genuinely earnest. Imagine if Evil Dead 2 or Pirhana 3D was directed and played as straight horror and you'll get a sense for this movie's bizarre tonal incongruity. If it was intended as satire then it's too deadpan for the audience to be in on the joke. If it was intended to be serious, and I suspect it was, then it's one of the most inept horror movies ever made.
Upgrade (2018)
Low Budget SciFi Action Done Well
In a near future the quadriplegic survivor of an assault gets a chance at revenge when he receives a prototype spinal implant from a reclusive tech genius.
I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of this movie, especially considering the budget. The cinematography is good; the pace is brisk; and the script is efficient and often darkly funny without lapsing into camp. The bursts of action are intense and efficient. The premise and the concerns about abdicating responsibility to technology aren't especially original but they're used effectively. Overall a good find among the recent offerings that have popped up on Netflix.
Bodkin (2024)
They couldn't stick the landing
Bodkin focuses on a trio of clashing personalities who are investigating disappearances in rural Ireland for a podcast. The early episodes are engrossing and dryly funny, particularly in the contrast between reality and the stereotypical American perception of Ireland as an idyllic ancestral utopia. As the series progresses the tone becomes darker and the narrative fragments. It gets progressively less funny but it remains engrossing. And then there's the seventh and final episode, an unsatisfying disappointment that wraps everything up with a goofy setpiece, fails to provide closure on the fate of the most interesting character, and steals its denoument directly from B. J. Novak's Vengeance.
The Accountant (2016)
Distasteful
Ben Affleck is a mathematics prodigy who freelances as an accountant for some of the world's most notorious criminal organizations. He also happens to be a highly skilled assassin. Then some bad stuff happens and yada, yada, yada, he's a one-man army out for justice, etc. All fine and dandy. It's got decent action, a good pace and some excellent supporting performances.
The problem is that Affleck's character is also supposed to be severely autistic. (He later says he has a high-functioning form of autism, but that's not what's depicted in flashbacks to his childhood.) The movie endorses the bizarre Hollywood trope of treating autism as some sort of intellectual superpower. (See also The Predator.) It also posits that autism is something one can control through, of all things, exposure therapy. It's not helped by Affleck's inconsistent performance. His character goes from having a flat affect and body language to being highly expressive from scene to scene, as if the manifestations of autism can be overcome through focus and/or exposure to particular stimuli.
I imagine the filmmakers had good intentions; but regardless the results are exploitative and distasteful.
Madame Web (2024)
My Mom Was In The Amazon Watching Madame Web Right Before She Died Of Boredom
Yes, it's really that bad. I can't fault the cast because they had nothing with which to work. Otherwise every aspect of this movie is beneath contempt. The script, first and foremost, is atrocious. The plot is goofy and the dialogue is inane expositional tripe. The direction is awful too. There's a self-serious earnestness to everything that makes the dreadful dialogue even more grating. The action scenes look cheap and the action is tepid. It's also obvious they overdubbed the villian's dialogue and didn't even bother to try to match it with the actor's mouth. I guess by that point in production some sound editor figured the movie couldn't be any worse anyway and stopped trying. 2 stars because if this movie is very lucky it'll be a future so-bad-it's-good classic like Plan 9 From Outer Space or The Room.
Blue Velvet (1986)
This Couldn't Get Made Today ...
... at least not by a Hollywood studio. It may be David Lynch's last movie with coherent, mostly linear narrative. Nearly 40 years later it's also still his most disturbing. It's a look at the nasty, teeming underbelly of the apple-pie-and-baseball facade of small town America. It's frank and casually brutal in its depictions of sadism, masochism and degeneracy. The images are disturbing and their implications even more so. Kyle McLaughlin and Laura Dern give stilted performances but I think that was intentional - as inhabitants of the manicured lawn facade there's something forced and unnatural about them. Meanwhile Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rosselini steal the show in the roles of people who have no illusions about who and what they are. Overall a disturbing but fascinating movie.
Twister (1996)
Good Cheesy Fun
It's a great big slice of unapologetically campy effects-driven cheese. Nebbish television weatherman Bill gets drawn back into his former life as a balls-out tornado tamer thanks to ex-wife Jo and her loveable band of scrappy underdog stormchasers. Meanwhile fraudster Dr. Jonas leads his own team of well-funded stormchasers as he attempts to steal credit for Bill and Jo's invention. Dr. Jonas is slimy but the real antagonist here is the weather, a premise that's precisely as ridiculous as it sounds. The characters are broad caricatures, the dialogue is triumphantly corny and the effects are epically over-the-top. Enjoy it for what it is.
Prisoners (2013)
Somewhat Let Down By Its Script
Half of this movie is a tense and atmospheric thriller/crime procedural that benefits from excellent performances, a fittingly dour tone and some far-fetched but entertaining red herrings. The actions of a vigilante priest are particularly incredible; and the villain's master plan doesn't make much sense. But the resolution of the mystery and the way the puzzle pieces fit together are still satisfying.
The other half of this movie is a morality play about the lengths to which seemingly good people will go when they think they have a justification to do evil. However the script lacks the courage to take this idea to its logical extreme. By the end Hugh Jackman's avenging dad has done horrible things for which he will do some form of penance (jail or worse.) But he's never forced to confront the possibility that he imprisoned and brutalized a truly innocent man. Instead his decisions are largely redeemed when we discover that Jackson's prisoner - while undoubtedly also a victim and mentally imparied - did in fact kidnap Jackman's daughter and does indeed know where she is. If the script wasn't willing to go all in on the potentially horrific implications of Jackman's choices then the movie would've worked better if it omitted them entirely.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Lacking The "It" Factor
On paper this has most of the elements to be a rollicking Indiana Jones adventure, but the viewing experience is flat and underwhelming. It's difficult to pinpoint exactly where things went wrong. An overreliance on goofy CGI certainly didn't help. Neither did the rather lame villains, the grating characters of Mutt and George McHale, the ludicrous action setpieces, or the fact you had squint really hard to picture 64-year-old Harrison Ford as a swashbuckling brawler. Whatever flaws were responsible, this movie lacked the inimitable "it" factor of its predecessors (even the comparatively lackluster Temple of Doom): a sense of fun. It's not the dour outright character assassination that was Dial of Destiny, but it also doesn't belong in the same franchise as the excellent 1980s Indy trilogy.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
The Weakest of The Trilogy
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull belongs in another franchise. Dial of Destiny barely even qualifies as a movie. The leaves Temple of Doom with the ignominious distinction of being the weakest entry in the Indiana Jones trilogy, following on the heels of the masterpiece that was Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Temple of Doom isn't bad so much as underwhelming. Despite the most graphic depictions of violence in the series it's got a goofier, more juvenile tone. Harrison Ford is as gruffly charismatic as ever but his character is reduced to some silly shenanigans. Ke Huy Quan makes the perfect kid-friendly sidekick whereas Kate Capshaw's damsel is just annoying. The action is cartoonish, the villains are pantomime caricatures and the supernatural mcguffin is lame. Fortunately the filmmakers were smart enough to course correct and redeem the series in The Last Crusade.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
A Fitting Send-Off For A Legendary Character
It's a welcome return to form for Indiana Jones after the frivolous dip in quality that was The Temple of Doom. As the final film in the trilogy* it deftly recaptures the adventure, the action, the brisk pace, the compelling characters, the humor and the triumph of the superlative Raiders of the Lost Ark. The interactions between Indy and his father are one of the movie's highlights and ground the plot in an emotional center that never feels smarmy or cloying. There's a bittersweet nostalgia in watching Indy literally ride off into the sunset at the end of his final adventure.
* I'm aware that they eventually made two more installments but both are, in their own ways, atrocious and should not be viewed by anyone.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
One Of The All-Time Greats
It was released over 40 years ago and set a standard for action/adventure movies that's yet to be equalled. By now some of the effects appear dated, but otherwise this movie is superlative in every aspect: plot, dialogue, characters, performances, stunts, score, humor, pace and direction. It deftly balances a light tone with some fairly dark implications to provide characters that seem both relatable and unpredictable. Harrison Ford and Karen Allen have disreputable charisma to burn in the lead roles. The villains, too, are sophisticated in their amalgamation of menance and banality. They're not supervillians with grandiose plans for personal domination but rather functionaries ruthlessly pursuing their objectives. The movie is engaging from start to finish and showcases Steven Spielberg at the top of his game.
The Mummy (1999)
Just Fun
I saw this again in the theater for its 25th anniversary re-release and it still holds up. It's a big-budget adventure featuring a likeable cast, kinetic action and PG-13 horror. The story is predictable but it's still charming and it has what feel like genuine stakes for the protagonists. It's been compared to the superior Raiders of the Lost Ark, although the comparisons aren't entirely apt. Raiders was a bit darker in tone and the characters were more nuanced. In contrast The Mummy is a bit more affable and character morality is clearly delineated from the outset. What both movies have, and what their many imitators lack, is an inimitable quality: a sense of engaging and satisying fun that pervades the proceedings.
Late Night with the Devil (2023)
Great Start, Loses Steam Toward The End
In the 1970s a struggling television host tries to boost his sagging viewership with a supernatural Halloween special. What starts as a cynical ratings gambit becomes decidedly more sinister when possibly-genuine phenomena begin.
This has a cool original premise and an immersive period setting. David Dastmalchian nails the lead role and gives his talkshow host character a compelling combination of affability, incredulity and understated ruthlessness. The first half of the movie, in particular, perfectly balances the relatable with the vaguely-unsettling. After a strong start the plot starts to meander and the finale is underwhelming. It's not bad, but it's also not worthy of the expectations set by the first half.
Black Christmas (2019)
The Only Horror Here Was The Script
For the first half of its runtime I was pretty sure this movie was an inept troll job intended to hyperbolize the inanity of academic feminism. Around the time I realized the filmmakers were serious this movie somehow became even worse; it went from an incompetent slasher to an atrocious supernatural horror. ("Horror" in this case describing the genre conventions. Nothing remotely horrifying actually happened in this lame, tedious, flaccid excuse for a film.) It's startling that anything this bad could've been made, let alone released, and it's not even fun enough to warrant a so-bad-its-good watch.
Red Rose (2022)
An Anachronistic Oddity
English highschoolers are menaced by a malevolent cell phone app in this horror series. Despite some plot holes and overblown depictions of teen angst it does a decent job of maintaining intrigue and menace through the first half of the season. The premise is anachronistic. Although phone apps are relatively more recent, the premise feels like a throwback to the 1990s when computer technology and those adept at manipulating it were regarded with both awe and suspicion. As the series progresses deeper into the technological weeds and various malefactors are exposed it becomes more outlandish and less compelling.