lowdowndeeper Reviews

The Choke (2006)

Far better than The Coroner

[5/10 · 4 December 2007]

If anyone else have had the misfortune to watch the Juan A. Mas (among others) directed "The Coroner" from 1999 they will understand that I almost decided not to watch "The Choke" after knowing Juan A. Mas had something to do with it. But I must say things have gotten very better. Mr. Mas made a giant leap forward. The Choke is a good suspense packed film with a nice twist to it. The actors are okay though the lines are somewhat forced. But that's not their problem. Also hats off to the writers for making a script in 6 days (I was told in the DVD extras). Worth a watch on a Sunday evening with a bag of potato chips nearby. I give this film 5/10 - and I wish Mr. Mas and all involved in this the best. You've done a rather nice job.

Campfire Stories (2001)

This hurts

[2/10 · 15 December 2005]

I should have known better. But I rented this and soon found myself watching. Everything is utterly wrong in this film - the dialouge, the cast (especially David Johansen) and plots of these little, insignificant stories. Getting back to David Johansen. Why him and why The (new) Misfits? Is this film an ode to long gone punk rock stars? Well, I can tolerate that but I thought this was a little like Creep Show. But it's even more stupid than that. The first two stories are told clumsily and hurried so we can all sit back and watch the final story which takes up far, far too much of the total playing time of an hour and a half. Everything about this is horrible and I didn't even have a laugh like I usually do when a watch things like these. 2 out of 10. And that's only because the cgi effects are so corny that they made me smile for a second or two.

Demon Warrior (1988)

Funny

[2/10 · 3 July 2005]

When I was 13 or so I was lucky enough to find this film. It was part of an endless Danish series of really cheesy stuff. This however was the cheesiest I ever owned - but I guess I sold it, too bad. Well what to write... Better than "Manos: the hands of fate" and worse than "Critters 4". But it's definitely worth an hour and a half since this was made by people who wanted to make it. The acting isn't that terrible compared to several other eighties trash - in fact I kind of like the old man even though he did'NWT look that Indian to me. But I guess you can't have everything... Do yourselves a favour and look this up...

Hated: GG Allin & the Murder Junkies (1993)

This is how it's done

[7/10 · 22 February 2005]

A brutally honest film about a brutally honest man. GG didn't lie, nor does this documentary. It's easy to feel uncomfortable seeing this - and maybe we are meant to feel that way. But between the lines and feces throwing GG teaches us all an important lesson - that we are who and what we are. And GG didn't change his ways so why should we. I'm not saying look up to GG, but I am definitely saying DON'T LOOK DOWN ON GG. There are even sicker individuals out there, but they will not tell the world the way GG did. If you are afraid that you'll be very sick watching this film because of it's rather graphic nature then don't worry. It's not that bad at all.

7 thumbs of from Denmark.

King Kong Lives (1986)

What was that?

[2/10 · 19 February 2005]

What was that? Was that King Kong smiling? And a newborn with teeth? And a morphing alligator? The answers: YES IT WAS! This is awful. I knew from the start. Someone should have stopped me. But I guess no one cares. King Kong Lives is a piece of campy crap. Sure we get to see one of Linda Hamiltons nipples (in 3 frames, I've counted!), but it's not really worth the wait. But hey - this is 1986, the year of awful movies. I will give this 2 out 10 stars. The first star obviously is for that nipple - the second is for myself sitting this film through. But if you really, really want to see big, big all too human monkeys fall in love and Kong getting hit by a golf ball then go right ahead and watch it!

The Kids Are Alright (1979)

Who are you...

[9/10 · 26 August 2004]

You´re a WHO fan! This is the way it´s done. No "boohoohoo I´m a sad rock star" poses, no "ALL is great ALL the time!" but an honest portrait of the best rock and roll band in the world. Who? Who! Despite Moon´s death prior to the films release there is no down feelings throughout this lovely piece of rock history. This is The Who as we loved - and loved them. In your face and knowing it. No excuses are made. The Who knows they´re rock n roll heroes. But they also know that they´re a miserable bunch of old farts and addicts as well. Maybe that´s why they´re still so great. They made every mistake in the book but still had the hearts to admit it. And of course they won us over by being the terrible, horrible, wonderful, full on WHO!

House of the Dead (2003)

What was that?

[2/10 · 24 August 2004]

Oh why bother? This film is too long and too predictable. And why do we have to see screen shots of that stupid game all the time? And why is the "action packed cool scene" about 15 minutes long? These are questions. Don´t see this. It won´t give you the answers? But it does have TITS! That´s usually a 5! But unfortunately the film is so stupid so it receives a 2 from me. If the girls were topless all the time it would be a 4!

Night of the Ghouls (1959)

Worse than Plan 9, better than Glen or Glenda

[2/10 · 18 August 2004]

Another "Wooden" Classic. Almost a comedy - we've got Paul "Kelton the cop" Marco, a disfigured Tor "Lobo" Johnson and the legendary Bela Lugosi stand-in Dr. Tom Mason in place. Add hovering musical instruments and scary, scary sheets!

Strangely enough Tor Johnson is the real star of this movie. But if Ed had casted a horse it would steal the show.

I only paid 70 kroner (10 dollars if you must) to buy this. And if you like cheap trash like I do - it's worth it!

Although I really like Ed Wood I hope that my vote of 2 will help this awful film where it belongs - bottom 100!

The Coroner (1999)

What?

[1/10 · 18 August 2004]

If you enjoy:

Aprons Blowdart Stapler torture A severed finger (or is it just momentarily gone?) No plot whatsoever (with crappy sex scenes included) A very "funny" un-villain looking villain

Then perhaps this sleazy gore-less "film" is something you'd like. I didn't. And I never will.

1 out of 10!

The Coroner (1999)

Oh the horror...

[1/10 · 10 August 2004]

...this is it! This is the worst film I've ever seen. So I HAVE to show it to everyone else which means I've sat through this terribly awful and mind-numbingly stupid goreless 90's piece of waste sleaze flick! Forget "Plan 9", - this is it! Everything is awful - the acting, the dialouge, the plot (what plot?), you name it! But in a weird way it's almost like a surreal comedy (why would a demented and woman-hating coroner who looks like a balding car salesman wear silly aprons?) This is just one of the (stupid, stupid) questions left in your mind after THE CORONER clocks in at about 70 minutes. But hey, you only live once and it's a short one - so go on - see for your selves!