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Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 1997 (1996)
Lackluster Year
The '1999' calendar wasn't my fav, but I gave it a respectable grade and even thought I was being too generous. I tell you this because '1997' proves '1999' wasn't nearly as average as I initially felt. This edition ... not sure where things went wrong. I knew less of the ladies by name, but that doesn't mean much in itself. Then thought it had something to do with the time period and a tame standard of nudity. Perhaps it's partly that and maybe they chose the wrong scenes from a lot of these ladies Playmate profiles to highlight them.
"January" is Victoria Fuller - Jan 1996 - starts by showing her in the desert. It gets down to naked quick and there's some fine shots of her body in close, but also a bunch far away and a little too artsy for it's own good. I give them credit for oiling her up for a brief moment that shows off her butt. Then indoors shoots between her walking back and forth or sitting down, but nudity comes between shots of her clothed (4.5 mins). "February" is likable Shauna Sand - May 1996 - who gets out of clothes inside. Like Vic, there's not enough of her naked continuously. For her second scene, she strips from a see thru white dress, bra & panties. There's nice panning shots over her body as it comes to an end (4.5 mins). "March" is Donna Perry - Nov 1994 - shown in a red see thru bodysuit that doesn't stay on long in a circus-like segment. She tosses rings to a seal and plays with it. Again the nudity doesn't come in big waves like you'd prefer. Enjoyable panning shots of her body are spliced together with clothed yet again. Now laying on a bed gives a few nice views before clothed and a boy/girl starts going in the right direction and then it's over (5 mins).
"April" is Spanish Samantha Torres - Dec 1995 - and in a common theme for PB gets shown off outside a roadside diner. She strips from clothes and either is shown posing there or a few shots poolside. The good news is she looks great and the nudity is steady. A dark bedroom with candles is the standard setup for her 2nd outing but nudity, lighting is a real issue (4 mins). "May" is black beauty Karin Taylor - Jun 1996 - in a segment I already seen reused in other PB vids. I wasn't fond of the many underwater shots naked twisting around, but there's a really hot look at her laid out poolside. Then it's time for a night bedroom strip for a guy which has a few nice looks, but doesn't build a good momentum (4 mins). "June" is Holly Witt - Nov 1995 - rock climbing with lovely views once she reaches the top, strips, poses. Though it has to be said once again it's intercut with her clothed. The next scene - getting spied on while getting undressed - is largely a waste (4.5 mins).
"July" is Kona Carmack - Feb 1996 - who gets out of a bikini at the beach in the midst of other shots. Her second scene has very little nudity as she strips in a train station (4 mins). "August" is Heidi Mark - Jul 1995 - backstage in a bunch of shots that don't deliver any goodness. Finally she gets out of her top, jeans that shows some skin then it's back to more useless with quick glimpses of her naked. A second scene on a bed gives more nudity in a lot less time than the first, but it's not super great either (4 mins). "September" is Alicia Rickter - Oct 1995 - in a no fuss, no muss scene of her naked constantly standing or rolling around a floor. Then it's an art piece that goes from her painting to naked posing or on a bed that is underwhelming (4.5 mins).
"October" is Rachel Jean Marteen - Aug 1995 - outdoors in a bunch of clothes before settling down to dancing around energetically nude. Second trip in an old fashioned summer dress, hat getting naked at a cottage. Shots in yellow lingerie are intercut with her naked in a field (4 mins). "November" is Gillian Bonner - Apr 1996 - in a bunch of clothes, but not much nudity. Then inside shown off in a better light naked on a bed, but it's quick (4 mins). "December" is Stacy Sanches - PMotY 1996 - who gets the most time of any lady here, but that doesn't mean it's put to good use. These scenes ('Feel the Rhythm', 'Dreaming on a Rainy Day' respectively are both taken from her PMotY vid too). The dance number has really nice shots of her butt, bewbs, entire body but they're always intercut with dance. The second clip takes it's sweet ass time getting going too, but has wonderful wet views of Stacy's body and also good shots later in bed. I have always liked Stacy, her look and this wasn't the worst the video had to offer, but it's worth pointing out for the last time (7 mins).
Part of me wants to give these beautiful ladies a fair shake and go watch their unedited, maybe longer Playmate profiles. Which I might get around to doing in the near future, but that doesn't change here and now that '1997' was the poorest Playboy video calendar I've sat thru so far. People tune into these kind of titles for a pretty obvious reason and the level of female nudity on display here at times doesn't cut it. Maybe in 1996 it would have, but times have changed.
Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 1998 (1997)
Don't Pass This One Up
As the 90's came to a close, Playboy was still at the top of their game and many ladies would still emerge to become notable Playmates. We all have our favs, desirable faces and in that regard '1998 Playmate Calendar' had a lot on the surface to like. However as anyone who's familiar with these compilations know it really comes down to the mix of edited footage and the visual goodness they offer up. No year is ever complete trash and some of it comes down to taste, preferences, but this was one of the best calendars I've seen so far.
"January" is buxom blonde Jami Ferrell - Jan 1997 - who's always a pleasant sight to see. I can't hide an appreciation for natural busty ladies as opposed to the enhanced variety (not that there's anything wrong with that). In a basketball themed open, she plays a little and then ditches her uniform. Conveniently getting to lay out on a bed put in the middle of the indoor court. Then in a dark room she sits, lays on a couch getting out of her dress, bra and panties. The minimal lighting, setting really maximize the views / compliments her with pinpoint focus (4 mins). "February" is Jennifer Miriam - Mar 1997 - who gets to play up her Texan roots by being in variety of clothes, but take note of a cowboy hat, boots she wears when otherwise completely nude. Then it's your typical bed romp as she rolls around, pulls off a dress (4.5 mins).
"March" is Priscilla Taylor - Mar 1996 - a good looking blonde naked right away. Lotion, a shower, pool of water or posing up a wall round out the views. She's next up topless from the start in panties, stockings which then come off. Briefly highlighted in a red dress and some decent closeups close things out (4.5 mins). "April" is Jennifer Allan - Sept 1996 - and indoors slips out of her silver dress. The issue is artistic choices - blue lighting - ruins the visuals as she strips. They should have used her getting naked outdoors or the fancy scene of eating pasties from her profile instead. Inside a kitchen things get better with many nice quick shots of her body or lingering closeups and some genuine smiles from a gorgeous Jennifer. When she pours honey all over her body ... yum yum (4 mins).
"May" is Kimber West - Feb 1997 - and the opening of moving into a new house is a winner. I'm just gonna come right out and say it - she has a great ass - and the cutoff jean shorts she wears (before they come off) were obviously chosen for a reason. That's not even touching on her pretty face, killer light skinned bod or those fantastic boobs. A second scene in a dark room with lit candles isn't bad, but isn't on the same level. If you like what you see here check out her entire unedited profile (4 mins). "June" is Nadine Chanz - Oct 1996 - a blonde German stunner in a black dress, yellow bra & panties before ditching them on a set made to look like a redlight district. Rolling around on a bed at night getting out lingerie provides more looks at her body (4.5 mins).
"July" is Carrie Stevens - Jun 1997 - and I think one of the most underrated naturally busty Playmates. She's naked fishing albeit for a summer hat. Her big breasts maybe the first place you look naturally as more shots follow of her in a rowboat or leaning up against a tree. Second time out she's doing her makeup and then getting out from her fancy dress on a couch (4.5 mins). "August" is Lynn Thomas - May 1997 - and is notable for being one of the earliest dual Playmate and Penthouse Pets (Oct 2000). This naturally busty Asian lady develops some photos and then gets naked herself as pics get taken on a set. She strikes some unique poses that both show off her flexible body and good balance. Then in a oriental house she poses in & out of white lingerie and hits a bed. This part of her profile was reused in 'Asian Erotica' (4.5 mins).
"September" is Kelly Monaco - Apr 1997 - and has always been quite the brunette looker. First she works on a vintage car in a garage and the overalls go first showing off her nice boobs, tight body. Then on goes a skintight black dress that hugs all curves and especially her butt. That comes off and much the same thing happens in a red dress with a bunch of quick pleasant cuts that show her off nicely. Now in a heavenly segment she gets shown off completely nude except for the angel wings she wears as she poses on a bed that is rotating. A walk towards the camera and then back again shows off the three B's - boobs, butt, bush - nicely (4 mins). "October" is Ulrika Ericsson - Nov 1996 - another scorcher of a foreign lady (Sweden specifically). To the shock of no one this tanned blonde has a killer smile, body. In a white top, jean shorts she rides a bike, gets naked in public to start. Then it's a vintage looking scene as she slips out from lingerie (4.5 mins).
"November" is fan fav Angel Boris - Jul 1996 - appearing here as a blonde. Briefly in a park, in a building topless or riding a bike clothed, but the bulk of goodness comes as she gets naked on a rooftop. There's a killer shot panning up her butt that is pure joy. In a warehouse she is shown climbing a circular staircase, in B&W bra & panties, rubbing herself in lingerie or posing near a sports car (4 mins). "December" is Victoria Silvstedt - PMotY 1997 - a Swedish model that for a brief moment took the world by storm. The two scenes here can also be found on her PMotY vid (which I haven't seen yet) which isn't great in itself. Outdoors she's in & out of a few pieces of clothing. There's a few bits of goodness, but continuous nudity is not one of them. The follow-up scene is slightly better as Victoria models on set. Time gets wasted on staff, getting her makeup done. However it provides her naked on the regular and in better doses than before (5.5 mins).
When you watch a Playboy video calendar like '1998' - or any softcore title for that matter - you can feel when things are going right. You can pick up on your sense of enjoyment. It's an intangible quality, but I felt it while giving this a go. Some of the credit comes down to tastes, but the rest goes to the selection of models within and the quality camera work. There was some standout shots, moments which is always a factor in which you judge these titles. Highly recommended.
Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 1999 (1998)
Peaks & Valleys
There comes a time when you're at a lost for words on how to describe similar videos without repeating yourself. '1999 Playmate Calendar' is a decent effort from Playboy but as always is YMMV on your affinity for the models, scene choices. I find most years very up and down in the visuals category with very few knockout parts, but that doesn't mean these abridged compilations aren't worth a view or don't have their individual moments.
"Miss January" is Heather Kozar - PMotY 1999 - who starts by playing with balloons and looking fantastic in and out of summer clothes on a street. Her puppies especially. Then it switches over to your typical bedroom solo with abstracts of a story (her crying missing someone) as she gets out of her yellow bra, panties. Then she has a quick shower (wet look is always hot) and poses on a staircase (4 mins). "Miss February" is Kalin Olson - Aug 1997 - partially or completely nude lays in a field. Eating strawberries and thinking about her bf leads to a boy/girl that has the requisite dude feeling her up mixed with some solo stripping, posing (4.5 mins). "Miss March" is Holly Joan Hart - Apr 1998 - and begins by having this black beauty in a sexy school uniform in a classroom where she quickly gets naked. For her second segment, she climbs out of a box on a dark set. There's some nice shots, but this scene's concept wasn't my favorite (4.5 mins).
"Miss April" is blonde Julia Schultz - Feb 1998 - first outdoors in and out of athletic wear or a dress with no panties. Then it's her posing in a chair in a sweater, skirt with lingerie underneath. It's one of those scenes that doesn't deliver much nudity, hotness (4 mins). "Miss May" is Maria Luisa Gil - Jun 1998 - and I love her exotic look. From clothes to a bikini, the nudity comes sparely though. Now she eats a grape, drinks some wine on an outdoors looking set and gets naked standing or in a chair (4 mins). "Miss June" is Marliece Andrada - Mar 1998 - in a dress with no panties which provides more flashes, but the real heat of the scene is some nude full body shots. Then it's another strip in bed (a fav scene type of PB) as she pines for her man (4 mins).
"Miss July" is Daphne Duplaix - Jul 1997 - who starts off playing basketball in an apartment loft which has some nice shots of her body sans clothes. Then she moves to a bed and more views follow. I liked Daphne's appearances in other videos, but I was let down by this portion of her Playmate profile (4 mins). "Miss August" is Donna D'Errico - Sept 1995 - a blonde stunner I've always enjoyed seeing. First scene sees her getting pleasantly naked at a gas station sporting a down to earth "girls next door" look. The same thing can't be said for her second segment as she's done up more glamorous in the desert dropping from lingerie. Her body is nicely oiled up / wet at one point as she poses laying in a carved out slab of concrete (4 mins). "Miss September" is Layla Roberts - Oct 1997 - naked standing or on a couch rubbing her body. This is followed by a medieval setting as Layla handles a sword then rubs oil on her body on route to going topless and fully nude (4.5 mins).
"Miss October" is blonde Deanna Brooks - May 1998 - who poses in a bunch of clothes giving nice shots as she hits a couch. The second time out she's cutting off her skimpy clothes with a pair of scissors and there's nice shots of her entire body (5 mins). "Miss November" is Inga Drozdova - Nov 1997 - a blonde Russian who starts off in a field of flowers getting out of her dress. Then in a house scene it jumps from her naked in the halls, bathtub to a lite boy/girl as she straddles a guy's lap nude in a chair (4.5 mins). "Miss December" is Karen McDougal - PMotY 1998 - and both of these scenes come from her PMotY video. It's still good - naked in a street, naked in a chair to hands grabbing at her through a rubber wall - but I had already seen it all before (5 mins).
As I look over what I wrote, I realize in hindsight '1999 Playmate Calendar' wasn't my favorite year. Some popular, favorite Playmates appear (D'Errico, McDougal & Kozar) but their scenes are not all peaches 'n cream. The other less familiar ladies material is very hit 'n miss too. Still it's hard to be tough on a title such as this. Worth a shot for PB fans or those who appreciate beautiful ladies getting naked.
Penthouse Pet of the Year Play-Off 1994 (1994)
Do Your Thing, Babe!
1994's 'PotY Playoff' delivers a bunch of simple but well shot females getting naked (which is why we're here in the first place). In the mid 90's Penthouse started hitting it's stride and their videos show this off until the company fell apart and their titles went down the toilet after 2003. The winning ingredient here is the cast of ladies who will be a treat to anyone who's fans of the vintage models.
After a bare bones montage intro, "Seana" Ryan - Pet Sept 1992 - is up first in black leather S&M and the location changes a few times inside a house. Her entire segment is directed by notable adult photography Suze Randall. Next up she looks great in a sparkling red dress on a couch. I preferred this classic look, shots to the scene that came before it and there's some nice but naughty closeups here. Now she gets shown off in a white gown as images are literally projected off of her. It's an idea, scene I'm glad didn't run any longer (12.5 mins total).
"Sharon" Fitzpatrick - Pet Apr 1993 - comes straight to us nude except for her sunglasses, elbow length black latex gloves, knee high skintight leggings. Her toned, all natural body gets the good treatment from the camera and there's some nice facial shots thrown into the mix a few closeups but no spreads of her kitty. Then it's another scene of her completely naked again in a traincar which you might be familiar if you saw the '30:60' complilation. Her body is oiled up (always a nice touch) and there's some visually pleasing closeups and far away shots that show off her entire body at once. They go outside the actual train for some more shots at the back of the caboose that aptly highlight her lovely buns. Now Sharon is in highly colorful clothes - pink jacket, see thru top, blue skirt, yellow gloves - that she slowly gets out of with the highlight being her pink see-thru panties being pulled thru her kitty at one point. Then it's a switch over to her in a white wig, silver jacket, sports t-shirt and no panties and then on to her dressed up very fashion like but very much naked with only long gloves and a big fluffy hat on. To close things out she's shown off riding a bicycle and stripping from her clothes on and off of it. Lots of variety sums up her appearance here which isn't a bad thing (12 mins total).
"Gina" Lamarca is up next - PotY 1995 - naked except for long black boots, arms wraps as water is poured down on her offscreen. Some yummy closeups highlight her toned hot body and unique pubic hair style. Now Gina lounges on a couch in see-thru bra, panties as she exposes her kitty, feels herself up gently. Her butt gets shown off from a different position before lastly her boobs. It's a very slow but steady scene. A relaxed vibe that still has the visuals you want. On a staircase in a silver top, skirt but no panties and a silly looking mask that thankfully doesn't stay on very long. She strikes a bunch of energetic poses, but weirdly her bewbs never come out to play. Finally to close things out she gets out from a variety of colorful clothing. If you like Gina you'll appreciate what's on offer here for sure (13 mins).
The blonde "Natalie" Smith - Pet Mar 1993 - in knee high red latex boots, bra, thong panties strips, poses up against a wall at search lights bounce off her and such. The panties go first and then the bra. A much simpler, down to earth scene follows next as Natalie in all white slowly removes her clothes on a bed. My favorite was mouth watering looks at her partially shaved kitty from behind here. In at artsy scene, she gets out of her clothes quickly while sometimes looking at herself in a mirror. Next she's outside on a house patio on a sunny day dropping from her one piece bikini. Things kick up a notch when she's getting wet from a shower head offscreen. Finally another fashion scene (not my favorite) wraps things up here with lacking visuals (12.5 mins total).
Three of the four women had their scenes shot by early Penthouse contributor and future adult film director Andrew Blake (AKA Paul Nevitt). That explains some of the clothing, camera shots, choices etc. Thankfully other that one or two moments things never get too slow or focus on the wrong things for an extended period of time. This is a worthwhile video that fans of PH should check out. I like all the Pets involved although '1994 Playoffs' doesn't feature any explicitness that would become a signature later. I had already been a fan of Seana, Gina & Natalie and this allowed me to see more of Sharon which was great.
Nemesis 2: Nebula (1995)
Here Goes Nothing
Take the rock bottom expectations you have for an Albert Pyun flick and apply it to 'Nemesis 2: Nebula'. A slow credit sequence pads time, shots from the first film are shown to give you the impression this might be fun, but it actually works the opposite. Cheap walls of text, voiceover move the almost non existant storyline ahead at least initially. After the novelty of watching a female bodybuilder wears out, you're stuck with visuals in the middle of nowhere and lame action.
The Cyborgs won the war versus the humans, took over the world and enslaved them. The only hope now lays with a baby injected with a new DNA variation in 2074. The mother is able to escape via a stolen craft that can travel thru time and end up in the year 1980 during civil unrest in East Africa. The baby grows up into a fierce muscular warrior Alex (Sue Price) a standout amongst her Kutu tribe. Then a futuristic bounty hunter "Nebula" touches down to confirm her DNA identity before termination.
At first, I thought this was legit shot in Africa with the desert scenery, native tongue being used (subtitles here). Turns out it's actually Arizona they're stomping, but no matter. There's a bunch of one note human enemies and of course that robot shows up looking like the Predator as so many have already said. The pyro guy gets to flex his muscles in the finale, but even this turns out rather boring because the whole tale is so unengaging.
Limping to an 80 minute finish, 'Nemesis 2' is so far removed from the enjoyable action sci-fi original it's a crime. Working with no money might have been director Pyun's bread 'n butter, but this is a real embarrassment. Word is Nemesis 2 thru 4 was supposed to be one big film. I don't know if I 100% buy that, but everyone says the series gets worse from here and I'm bound to believe them.
Bloodsport III (1996)
One Timer
Fans of martial art flicks will find pieces to like in 'Bloodsport 3', but the formula is starting to wear thin. The fights are alright, but saving grace is it's cast (many returning faces). By now you know the drill - training montages, revenge, spirituality - and while this entry doesn't have the satisfying finale you may want, it's still got a level of b-movie charm. Once again the tale is told in flashback.
Alex Cardo (Daniel Bernhardt) won the Kumite in Bangkok and then retired from fighting to be a successful gambler in India. After beating off some ninjas at the local casino and retrieving a stolen package for the owners, he meets mob boss Duvalier (John Rhy-Davies) who's gonna host a Kumite and wants him involved. When Alex declines, he lashes out at people close to him, tries to have him killed or at the very least denied entrance to the tournament. He's put all his money on his fighter 'The Beast' and doesn't want him to upset his plans to win.
James Hong returns in a minor way as Sun again. Ditto Pat Morita as Leung and even Judge Macado (Hee-il Cho). They're not specific about how much time has passed, but Cardo has a young son (no word on the mother) now which he tells the tale. Honestly the story is piecemeal at best and illogical at worst. Obviously low budget and very simple. Few scraps along the way to the finale and there's hints of romance, but nothing ever comes of two ladies.
'Bloodsport 3' stands on it's own in the sense that you don't have to see the flicks that came before it, but being familiar with '2' adds heart. Bernhardt is still up to task, returning cameos help and while Davies doesn't get the opportunity to chew the scenery like the way he did in 'Cyborg Cop' just having him was nice. I can't discount though that I became bored at times and the Kumite, end villain was rather underwhelming.
Men of War (1994)
I'll Cry When I'm Done Killing
You get a cast full of faces and a dose of decent action that will satisfy hardline genre fans, but 'Men of War' features the same 'ol burnt out ex soldier looking for a righteous moral cause to fight for storyline and a predictable romance to boot. Over the years I've heard good things said about this Dolph title. There's fun here, but also too much downtime in between and emotional moments ring hollow. This was originally gonna get a theatrical release but then didn't. Honestly I can see why.
Nick Gunar (Lundgren) ex-Special Forces turned mercenary is offered a job in Thailand to have natives sign over their land. He recruits some buddies and heads down. Po (BD Wong) an English speaker represents his people, but there's also Loki (Charlotte Lewis) who catches Nick's eye. When they won't deal, Nick is faced with a dilemma and the group of mercs splitter. Those who want to complete the original job and those who'll fight for the locals. Plus Keefer (Trevor Goddard) a sadistic man from Nick's past seeks a payday.
The cast is really this movie's meal ticket beyond explosions, gunfire. Dolph comes off pretty well here and Goddard has a flair for playing heavies. Add in roles for Wong, Kevin Tighe and all the fellow mercs (Don Harvey, Tiny Lister Jr, Tim Guinee, Tom Wright, Catherine Bell). Lewis is relegated to looking good, the quasi gf role like most of her 90's b-movie credits, but does the honor of going topless. Thai ladies provide more skin in a strip bar sequence too.
A poor merc on the bottle battling his conscience within the first 10 minutes left no doubt where this was going. They play up how John Sayles wrote this in trailers, but I have doubts about how much is actually his work. Honestly 'Men at War' doesn't require heavy scrutinising. If you like Dolph, some cheese and winning action set pieces this title will do the job. I never felt emotionally invested and I knew where things were going at all times, but I've seen much worse.
Bloodsport 2 (1996)
Definitely Watchable
It may have the usual tropes of a martial arts flick, but 'Bloodsport 2' is a decent dtv sequel that stands on it's own without ruining what came before it. I'm really surprised at how competent this turned out to be instead of a drag. The fisticuffs display decent choreography, plus some known faces and a story that traces betrayal, redemption, friendship. This was my first time seeing Daniel Berndhardt too though the man was no stranger to these types of flicks.
Alex Cardo (Bernhardt) a self centered thief steals a valuable katana from wealthy businessman Mr. Leung (Pat Morita) in Thailand. When his partner John (Philip Tan) betrays him, he's caught and sent to prison where he meets Sun (James Hong). A man who teaches him to be a better person and a mystical martial art 'Iron Hand'. He also learns about a Kumite coming up and how brutal head prison guard Demon (Ong Soo Han) has entered. Leung uses influence to free Alex who enters the tourney, but at the price of getting back the katana.
Coming in at a light 80 mins nothing here will surprise a seasoned viewer of b-movies and there's some undeniable weak elements. The Kumite just happens to be taking place there instead of Hong Kong (as before) and you just have to roll with it. Ditto a lone lady fighter which doesn't come off very well. On the plus side, Alex's arc from being an a-hole to trying to atone for his sins comes off well. Morita, Hong are fun to see though the latter shouldn't be in a fight scene. Like the first title, different fighting styles get shown off and it was a hoot to see Donald Gibbs return as Jackson too.
Obviously low budget fare, 'Bloodsport 2' suffers from a scattered story and some suspect editing. Definitely juggling one too many friendly characters by the end. However I was glad it didn't trash the original unlike 'Kickboxer 2'. Demon is shades of Bolo Leung and Berndhardt comes off pretty well. I'll give 'Bloodsport 3' a chance seeing as how decent this turned out.
Kickboxer 2: The Road Back (1991)
Slap in the Face
After JCVD made his mark in simple, but efficient martial arts flicks like 'Bloodsport' and 'Kickboxer' he wanted to move on to bigger and better paying things. As you can tell this didn't stop producers from pumping out sequels, series to tales he departed from. 'Kickboxer 2' is cheap, redundant and doesn't hold a candle to the original. To get this one done they don't recast roles, create a new character or go a different route. Nope here's a third Sloane you didn't know about. LOL.
David (Sasha Mitchell) the last remaining Sloane brother is also an accomplished kickboxing champ too who stopped competing when his brothers were murdered. Running the family gym at risk of closing he has no choice but to accept an offer from a greasy fight promoter Maciah (Peter Boyle). Thru a few more twists 'n turns, faces it becomes apparently that old foe - Tong Po (Michel Qissi) - is at the center of things. He killed his brothers and now his only shot at regaining honor is by beating David legitimately in the ring.
Let's start with the cast. Mitchell is adequate as the generic hero, but he's hard to get behind due to a vanilla storyline and the way things are cheesily set up. The only true carryovers from the first, Dennis Chan returns as trainer Xian (elderly Thai man Van Damme had to help him) and Qissi reprises as Po. However they aren't given the same level of distinction like the first time out. Boyle gets a one note role. Ditto Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Matthias Hues and Vincent Klyn (Cyborg, Nemesis) as additional baddies. Real life kickboxer and later b-movie star Vince Murdocco has a sizable supporting role and Brian Austin Green here much younger before his big break on 'Beverly Hills 90210'.
Directed by b-movie man Albert Pyun, 'Kickboxer 2' is textbook bad sequel. Losing whatever atmosphere, flavor was to be found in the original. The first half is serviceable if predictable, but progressively things like the fight choreography drop into the toilet. A sappy music score including cheesy rock ballads doesn't help and don't miss the styrofoam bricks used in a training montage. Lastly there's no getting past how awful the story premise is and an insult to the original. Check out those pics (and flashback) using unknown actors to portray Kurt, Eric Sloane (lol).
Ultimate Justice (2017)
Sloppy Seconds
'Ultimate Justice' is bittersweet. I didn't expect the world from it, but Mark Dacascos had some fun dtv titles in his past. It also allowed me to see Landwehr, Hues and Möller together after the recent lackluster 'Last Kumite'. Obviously a low budget affair this still manages to produce some decent action sequences including at the beginning. It's rather unfortunate the downward spiral the story goes into that sinks the whole thing. I can't overstate how bad the ending is here guys.
A leading private military firm operating in Europe lead by Gus (Dacascos) are sent in to rescue a hostage, but lose team members in the process. Disillusioned Gus sells the firm he co-founded with Hans (Wolfgang Riehm). At a party the two enjoy drinks and company of some attractive females particularly Michaela (Sandra Tauro). Eight years pass and Hans ended up marrying her and having a kid. Then his house is broken into and she's murdered, daughter kidnapped. Now Hans reenlists his friend for help getting her back and finding out who attacked him and why.
Most of the members are given little character moments when they're sought out to reform the team. The hand to hand fights are nicely choreographed, but the same can't be said for a lone car chase which lacks skill. The shooting is also mired by obvious CGI and poor dubbing of it's foreign cast does the flick no favors. You can see for every good element there's one that lets it down. I enjoyed the majority of 'Ultimate Justice' even with a few missteps along the way. However a ridiculous reveal at the end comes really close to unraveling any fun that came before it.
Im Auftrag des Vatikans (2005)
Next Stop: Mediocre City
An ex-soldier traumatized by death turned monk fond of martial arts is our hero. Cutting 'Death Train' some slack because it's an action flick means you're willing to look past hokey elements. What's harder is how unexciting the whole thing feels, moves. Other than decent explosions in the first hour this is slow city. Arnold Vosloo isn't given much to work with as the head villain and Mathis Landwehr while sufficiently built up by some sad flashbacks is stuck in a cookie cutter tale.
A group of thieves lead by Lennart (Vosloo) break into a research facility, steal deadly viruses for their buyer to be used as bio weapons. To make their escape from the country they board a train disguised as priests, nuns which is full of people, religion clergy heading for Lourdes. A group of Monks including Lasko (Landwehr) are made aware of them and their plan and must save everyone on board before the worst case scenario can happen.
Beneath the surface this is a fairly obvious 'Die Hard' clone. A bunch of flicks have gone the train route before and it's serviceable if done right. You get the feeling that with a more capable director or fine tuning the script this could have been a fun trip, but what's on offer is rather flat. The religious element isn't heavy handed, but ultimately you're gonna spend nearly two hours and all you'll have to show for it is three decent explosions (two vehicle related, one helicopter) and quick fisticuffs (two sequences on top of the train).
The word that bests sums up 'Death Train' is generic. The energy level is pretty low for the first halve and mostly boring until things kick up a bit later. Scenes where head priests, police try to map out a plan are awful and misc side characters pad time. It's shot well from a technical standpoint, but never rises above. Also known as 'Lasko: DeathTrain' this would see a short lived tv series starring Landwehr years later.
Playboy's No Boys Allowed 4 (2007)
Clip Show Part 4
'No Boys Allowed 4' is the last compilation in a series from Playboy that aims to deliver hot girl/girl action. I give them credit. Beyond it being recycled footage, they've done a good job of putting together a decent mix thru all four videos. The first two titles had a redundant host, but thankfully that element disappeared in '3' and remains gone in '4' leaving the clips to rightfully stand on their own.
"Student Bodies" from 'Wet & Wild: Slippery When Wet' is an edited version of "Schoolhouse Rock". Following students (Nicole Lenz, Jami Ferrell, Summer Altice, Neferteri Shephard) in white shirts, plaid skirts inside a classroom as they get all hot and bothered. Clothes drop as sprinklers go off making for pleasant views (4.5 mins). "In The Heat Of The Night" is originally from 'Barefoot Beauties' where it was called "Feet First". In a shorter cut that gets rid of the ffm threesome element, ladies (Kristi Cline, Christi Shake) touch, suck each others toes (2.5 mins).
"Part Time Job" belongs to 'Hot Lips, Hot Legs' where it was "Service With A Smile". Playmates (Teri Harrison, Michele Rogers) provide a pool cleaning service who get naked in the process and look hot to trot (4 mins). "All Alone" comes from the excellent 'Girls of Hedonism' video and was called "The Villa". A model (Lucie Faubert) with a tanned, petite figure gets shown off in and out of her clothes on a beach in Runaway Bay, Jamaica. She starts out in a white top, green skirt but also shown in a blue bikini looking great (4 mins).
"We Will Rock You" from 'WildWebGirls' was called "We Rock". Tiffany Granath fake plays a guitar then joined by Julia Parton and they strip. Eventually get wet from water pouring down above (4.5 mins). "Strike A Pose" is from 'Wet & Wild: Slippery When Wet' aka "Liquid Lovelies". Playmates (Shannon Stewart, Brooke Berry, Neferteri Shephard, Kristi Cline) pose in front of a pool at night. First in classy evening gowns, black bikinis before completely nude (3.5 mins).
"Cabana Girls" comes courtesy of 'Barefoot Beauties' where it was called "Footprints in the Sand". Here in the much shorter version, Playmates (Jami Ferrell, Nicole Narain, Tina Jordan) strip down on a beach providing some lovely closeups of their bodies and some focus on their feet (4 mins). "Dancing Divas" comes from the same video where it was called "Tu Tu Tootsies". Two ballerinas (Kristi Cline, Kimberly Stanfield) stretch, dance a little and show off their bodies (4 mins).
"Beach Babes" from the 'Roommates' vid was called "Summer Rental" and finds four ladies (Jami Ferrell, Jackie Caswell, Kitana Baker, Amelia Nicole Garduno) getting out of their bikinis. Then it's closeups as they get wet from a hose followed by some tequila bodyshots (5.5 mins). "Touch of Class" is from 'Barefoot Beauties' where it was called "Fancy Feet". Three Playmates (Shannon Stewart, Heather Carolin, Irina Voronona) eat pastries, try on dresses and have a bath together. Plenty of nice shots and the always great looking Stewart rocks it as a brunette (4.5 mins).
"Lights, Camera, Action" is from 'WildWebGirls' where it was called "Texas Girls" and ran longer. A girl/girl involved two blondes (Molly, Erica) getting frisky with each other getting out their clothes and on a bed. It's simple, but there's some decent shots within (3.5 mins). "Pool Party" taken from 'Girls of Hedonism' where it was called "Caribbean Heat". Two models (Tracy Ryan, Yvette Michael) pose at the pool, take each others bikinis off and look pretty fine doing so (4.5 mins).
'No Boys Allowed 4' is a nice collection of gorgeous women getting naked from the height of Playboy. First time viewers will have the least to nitpick about. I saw these scenes back in their original titles - uncut, full versions - when they were still fresh. Which means I can't get overly enthusiast about what's going on here, but I also can't rate this lower.
Playboy's No Boys Allowed 3 (2006)
Clip Show Part 3
'No Boys Allowed 3' keeps Playboy's girl/girl format going for better or worse. I can't pretend to be excited about a compilation of stuff I've already seen, but I'm happy they ditched having a pointless host. Like the first two editions this sequel has a mix of standout material and some lesser stuff. If you want a decent highlight reel and you haven't saw this material before you'll be pleased with what's on display here.
"A Tantalizing Toast" is "Bubbling Over" retitled from 'Wet & Wild: Slippery When Wet'. Playmates (Shannon Stewart, Natalia Sokolova) literally pour champagne over themselves, each other (3 mins). "Desert Delight" features adult film stars (Devon, Janine Lindemulder, Raylene) doing the softcore thing. Taken from the 'WildWebGirls' video and originally titled "Desert Heat" there's some good shots in the mix whenever or not you know these X rated ladies (6.5 mins).
"Tasty Treat" comes from 'Roommates' original title "Two Scoops" which finds two ladies (Stacie Morrissette, Roxanne Galla) getting over their ex-boyfriends by indulging in ice cream. If you dig blondes, dripping sights there's cause to stop & stare (4.5 mins). "Steam Room" courtesy of 'Wet & Wild: Slippery When Wet' was titled "Dripping Delight". Ladies (Layla Roberts, Jackie Caswell, Sydney Moon) in high heels and short skirts come off as they get soaked (2.5 mins).
"Country Comfort" called "Footloose" in the 'Barefoot Beauties' video has Playmates (Jennifer Walcott, Christi Shake) enter a barn that happens to have a stripper pole and you can spell out the rest (3 mins). "Stripped Down" from the 'WildWebGirls' video is an odd inclusion. It's Danni Ashe solo dropping from her clothes which breaks the girl/girl theme (4 mins). "Silky Smooth" dips into 'Hot Lips, Hot Legs' vid to show Playmates (Jennifer Walcott, Stephanie Heinrich) shaving each other. It has some nice busty sights, yummy closeups (4 mins).
"Sandy Seduction" is a B&W scene that underwhelmed when I originally saw it as part of the 'Barefoot Beauties' video and the same feeling remains today. Two ladies (Stephanie Heinrich, Kimberly Stanfield) walk along the beach in white dresses and remove each other's clothes (2.5 mins). "Fun in the Sun" from 'Girls of Hedonism' was called "Wish You Were Here". Three poolside beauties (Kat Oberle, Lisa Wagner, Stacie Morrissette) are in and out of bikinis, but it loses the chill soundtrack originally part of the scene in addition to being shorter (6 mins).
"Just Add Water" from 'Wet & Wild: Slippery When Wet' was originally titled "The Wild Wild Wet". Ladies (Natalia Sokolova, Summer Altice, Jackie Caswell) get relief from the heat in a dry desert town by a large water tanker trucker that delivers plenty of hot visuals (6 mins). "Out of This World" comes from 'WildWebGirls' and was called "Super Space VI" there. It finds ladies (Brandy, Nancy O'Brien) getting out from their purple bodysuits wearing purple wigs and again some nice shots (6 mins).
Stating the obvious - these videos work best if you haven't already seen the material - meaning newcomers will be most happy. Playboy fans .... those who've already viewed what's on display might not be as quick to cream their pants again. 'No Boys Allowed 3' is a fun compilation and there's some hot scenes here, but I have to rate it accordingly.
Playboy's No Boys Allowed 2 (2004)
Clip Show Part 2
Playboy's 'No Boys Allowed 2' continues the series concept of reusing girl/girl footage in compilation form. I gave the original a respectable score of six because I was fond of some of their better material and seeing it again. I can't say the same thing this second time out. There's still choice picks here, but also time wasters in a host (Chelsea Chandler) complete with intro, segways and lengthy end credits that lists the ladies by scene.
"Intro" is your typical montage and Chelsea talking (2 mins). "Ruby Fruit Jungle" is a standout scene from 'Girls of Hedonism' and a great way to start off. Steamy shots, closeups and just overall hotness (7 mins). "Lip Smackin' Good" comes courtesy of 'Hot Lips, Hot Legs' and has busty Playmates Stephanie Heinrich, Miriam Gonzalez eating fruit. There's also a weird insert of two blondes involving ice cream (4 mins). "Lady Luck" has ladies (Stacie Morrisette, Jessica Turner) in a gambling inspired bit taken from their 'Girls of Hard Rock' title that didn't do much for me the first time I saw it (6 mins).
"Legs, Legs, Legs" steals another scene from 'Hot Lips, Hot Legs' as Playmates (Barbara Moore, Serria Tawan, Christi Shake) showoff in & out of black lingerie (4 mins). "Slow Simmer" from 'Roommates' finds two ladies (Amy Miller, Jennifer Rovero) trying to beat the heat. Each time I see Amy it reminds me of how much she looks like Anna Nicole Smith (6 mins). "Barefoot Spirit" not shockingly comes from 'Barefoot Beauties' and is light, fun. Three Playmates (Jennifer Walcott, Irina Voronona, Christi Shake) ditch their clothes in the country and look great doing so. Especially Jennifer if I may say so myself (4 mins).
"Oil & Water" courtesy of 'Wet & Wild: Slippery When Wet' has the ladies (Sydney Moon, Jennifer Rovero) give massages with oil (4.5 mins). "Wet & Wild" dip into 'Girls of Hard Rock' again, but steals that video's best scene "Web-Cam Encounter". It's slightly shorter, but you'll enjoy the two babes (Roxanne Galla, Amy Miller) by the pool (6.5 mins). "Bathtub Gin" again from "Slippery When Wet" finds Playmates (Natalia Sokolova, Summer Altice) in a barn quickly getting naked per the title's theme (4.5 mins). "Girls Will Be Girls" from 'Playmates in Bed' see's four (Nicole Narain, Christi Shake, Serria Tawan, Heather Carolin) naked in a bunch of bunk beds. Good closeups and a nice mix of ladies (3.5 mins).
Shortened scenes in some cases, original background music gone (licensing issues?) and a needless host. If you haven't watched / bought a ton of vintage Playboy titles these issues won't matter as much to you. You're sure to find something to like in this collection of lovely young ladies getting naked and rubbing up against each other all in one convenient place.
Playboy's All Natural Girls (2008)
Pleasure & Pain
With it's 'All Natural Girls' title and cover first thoughts might be large boobs, but here natural implies down to earth women (amateurs) as opposed to professional models. There's some busty sights, but not wall to wall. One of Playboy's last videos before getting out of the market it follows their latter day simplistic format, but isn't on the same level as say 'Fresh Faces'. Some wasted time, tameness and suspect camera work take this down a notch.
After the standard montage intro you'll see interviews followed by each lady's segment. Interviews in themselves aren't why guys tune in so it's a delicate balancing act. They either need to be fun, short or both. The ones here go a bit long & aren't great. On the plus side all the featured ladies are attractive and pierced navals, completely shaved down below seems to be a running theme. Nice mix of blondes, brunettes & redheads too.
"Courtney" Kivano is a blonde wearing blue & white lingerie on a bed. Lots of closeup shots - maybe too close at times - but also nice views of her butt at least early on. She has some lovely breasts however the camera never makes a stop at her kitty. Leaving this scene feeling very tame to start things off (4 mins not including interview). "Brooke" Barnes is a redhead (cover) who quickly gets down to a black bra, panties in the same sort of bedroom setup. It takes a good minute to get topless, but then her double D puppies look great. Her whole body gets exposure as she remains standing for the entire scene (4 mins).
"Hannah" Rory is a blonde taking off a summer dress outdoors. Her bending over showing off her ass still with thong panties on is a real treat. Her small but firm breasts make a show before her shaven kitty gets a peak or two (4 mins). "Bianca" Luciana is the black haired Italian caught outside in a white bra, panties. A long string of pearls around her neck too. She's got a nice body, but I didn't think there was any real highlights here. Definitely one of those times where the camera staying so tight in closeups all the time isn't a good thing (4 mins).
"Mia" Phillips in an open dress shirt, black bra & panties has a very alluring look to her dark haired beauty in the bedroom. When the bra gets dropped you get the very nice sight of tanlines on her big breasts. A warm, genuine nice smile doesn't hurt either in a mix of nice views of her butt, shaved kitty (3.5 mins). "Crystal" Carmel a brunette Asian is in a white bikini outdoors overlooking rocks, water pouring down. It doesn't take long before she's topless and the wet look is always a hot one in my book. Nice views of her butt, but also a tendency for "artsy" shots from behind leaves (4 mins).
"Priscilla" Clark rocks a plaid top, jean shorts and cowboys boots outside to no shock given her interview. It's slow to start, but once it gets going there's no denying she looks great. Firm breasts and a nice mix of her buns, shaved kitty wrap things up (4 mins). "Gabrielle" Ford sees this blonde open a front door and strip from matching bra, panties at the top of the staircase. Most of the shots come standing though the best for me was some yummy shots of her butt with the panties still on (4 mins). "Brandi" Lee is a gorgeous brunette indoors in a lacey pair of matching black bra, panties. Busty with a nice figure the camera makes stops at her lovely butt and shaved kitty. She has a pierced clit but the camera never goes in for a naughty closeup (4 mins).
"Trina" Marie wraps up the video outdoors in a white summer dress and you quickly get to lock your eyes on her pink thong panties beneath. She plays with these for a nice moment before they come off. Trina sports the complete package - nice breasts, tanned body, killer butt, shaved kitty - and being outdoors, the sun bumps this segment up a notch. I was disappointed when it came to an end as I was really enjoying the sights of this lady that was giving off serious latina vibes (4 mins).
'All Natural Girls' is a 60 min video and you do the math. 10 ladies with 4 min scenes on average = 40 mins. Add 1 minute for an intro, 1 for the end credits and that means 18 mins got sunk on those interviews. Which is way too much time and frankly a waste. If you look past this, the visuals aren't always super hot and the camera work is partially to blame. At the end of the day, it's still naked ladies and the positives outweigh the negative.
The Last Kumite (2024)
Don't Stop Believin'
80's / 90's martial arts flicks might have been low budget affairs with simple stories, but they also held a certain level of polish, grit whilst entertaining if that makes any sense. You don't get that mix with 'The Last Kumite' which leaves it to get by on nostalgia. As is it typical of dtv movies trying to stretch their dollar - the whole thing is shot in Europe - and the overall quality is lacking. The vibe is off. Not much real fun, one note villains and though some honest effort is put into it's hand to hand sequences little is memorable.
Michael Rivers (Mathis Landwehr) wins a karate tournament in NYC with his teen daughter cheering him on under the eye of Ron Hall (Matthias Hues) and his right hand Wolf (Michel Qissi). He wants him in a Kumite tourney he hosts and when Rivers says no they kidnap his daughter to force his hand. The odds on favorite to win is Hall's champ Dracko (Mike Derudder) who's never been beaten. To muster the skills needed he gains allies in fellow fighters (Kurt McKinney, Mounia Moula) and former opponents, trainers (Billy Blanks, Cynthia Rothrock) of Drago. With the local law bought off, the only option is to win.
Blanks & Rothrock's roles aren't fancy, but they get quick moments of their own. Hues relishes being the baddie, but the name 'Ron Hall' is far from menacing and he isn't given much to do for most of the pic other than spout dialog. Ditto Qissi. Skilled stuntwoman Moula stands out as the sole female fighter for both good & bad. McKinney is game, but also too old to be here. By now you might be starting to get the idea the flick is banking on all these vintage names and you're right. It's all the cliches, obvious budget limitations not doing anyone favors.
Dracko grunts while he menacingly flexes. A bare bones hero, training montages and some Stan Bush music tracks teleport you back to the 80's. 'The Last Kumite' was partially a crowdfunded project and you can tell there's a lot of love, passion for movies of yesterday fueling it. That doesn't make it's short fight scenes, clunky story any better though. Convenient help around every corner and though you're told he owns the police yet go to them anyhow? Okay.
Prime Target (1991)
Row, Row Row Your Boat
On the heels of watching 'Kill Crazy', I had to give another vanity project from David Heavener a go. Costarring Isaac Hayes (Truck Turner, Escape from NY) couldn't hurt. After listening to David sing another title track & an ridiculous opening that sets up his character - hotshot cowboy cop dressed the part (jeans, boleros, vest, boots, hat) - I started to wonder if I had made a mistake. Thankfully some laughs were yet to come with 'Prime Target'.
Det. John Bloodstone (Heavener) gets suspended by IA after a hostage incident and the bank threatens to foreclose his house. Not helping a strained relationship with his wife (Jenilee Harrison) plus he's still haunted by losing his ex-partner. Then the FBI having trouble getting mafia man Coppella (Tony Curtis) to trial want Bloodstone to do it and his job, house problems will go away too. Of course what's a road trip without killers, betrayals and bickering between the two men.
Heavener - stars, wrote, produced, scores the music, directs - which means he's still hot stuff with the ladies, singing songs, closeups of his face, tragic backstory with bad dreams. Continues to go bare chested when he can. His chemistry with Curtis is hackneyed and annoying. Hayes plays a decent police captain, but isn't given much to bite into. Two ladies provide boobs while Harrison has a hilarious romp with Heavener and the requisite shower scene.
I laughed so hard at that husband/wife reconciling sex with it's dialog, setup that I thought I was gonna wake up the neighbors. I don't know if that made the rest worth it however. 'Prime Target' is a low level b-movie competently made, but offers no reward for sitting thru it. You might recognize actor Andrew Robinson (Cobra) playing another shifty police official, but the finale is a letdown and most of the action is nothing special.
Kill Crazy (1989)
What Are You Smoking?
An 80's action survival flick with obvious ties to 'Rambo', 'Deliverance' and 'The Most Dangerous Game', 'Kill Crazy' is 90 minutes of cheese. Some quite funny, some not so much in what's obviously a vanity project for actor / writer / director David Heavener. If you don't believe me you'll soon find out. Lots of closeups of his face, 3 songs sung by him within the first 10 minutes (including the rock ballad title track). Then self serving dialog, tortured acting 101, a cliche romance and "kill crazy" revenge near the end.
Puckett (Heavener) is amongst five ex-Vietnam Vets taken from the Veterans hospital for a camping trip into the remote hills. Soon a wacky paramilitary group led by Mallerd (Bruce Glover) wants to hunt these ex military men down in twisted war games. Puckett is forced to jump off a cliff and presumed dead, but very much alive. Physically & emotionally traumatized does he find love with two female campers (Rachelle Carson, Danielle Brisebois)? Can he save his fellow patients and end the madness?
The 80's and dtv flicks of that time loved to use the Vietnam trope and it's put to heavy use here. Of course, don't think about it too deeply. It's only meant to play up the star who gets to have awful flashbacks, act his heart out having horrible dreams and then gather his experience, courage to kill all the baddies who deserve it in the campy action finale. That's before he finds the ladies who nurse him back to health of course. They tie a headband around him and he's playing the guitar, singing once again. I kid you not.
Stupid bad guys, a ridiculous "hero", cavalcade of running thru the wilderness and more than one piece of poorly shot action. A cornball ending completes 'Kill Crazy'. Some female nudity, but also dated racism and two rapes here. The star going around bare chested as much as possible and bum one liners meant to be tough. Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Burt Ward play fellow Vets. Come for the laughs or don't come at all is the name of the game here.
Terror Squad (1987)
Oh Boy
'Terror Squad' is a poor dtv take on 'Red Dawn' and if you're not here for unintentional laughs, cheese get ready for a world of hurt. An 80's mix of cliche high school kids, terrorism and the worst police response ever seen. Forget about the IMDb plot outline too. It's incorrect and makes the movie sound better than it actual is. Not only is this really bad, a bore at times but it's story is shot in hokey fashion lacking skill.
Libyan terrorists on a mission of death & destruction covertly cross over the US / Canada border by water ... and arrive in Indiana (!?). When their first priority to take out the nuclear power plant fails, a high speed chase takes place between them and the police lead by Chief Rawlings (Chuck Connors). Innocent people being killed as they swept thru town before taking refuge, hostages at the local high school where a misfit gang of teens are spending detention. Can this 'Breakfast Club' overpower their captors and save the day?
See this for the inept chief of police who can't do one thing right. The SWAT team that never gets put to use. The extended middle that is one long chase that seems to go on forever. Some pieces of old property blown up are the only legit cool moments. Then it's back to cheeseville with the assortment of teens - the glasses wearing geek, attractive cheerleader, guitar dude, football jock - and way too many moments where people mouth off to bad men armed with guns. Lastly see this movie for Gus the janitor and the full sized school bus used at the end that magically turns into a short bus. 'Terror Squad' is a bad movie, but there's some laughs if you're willing to suffer thru it.
Playboy: Tryouts (2007)
Periodically Decent
When lavish production values, multiple settings, storied segments went away Playboy's later videos became much simpler affairs. Some found a way to be mildly decent on a smaller scale though. 'Tryouts' is not only what it sounds like, but Playboy operating at it's lowest level. There's not much to love about the bare bones format, but many pretty ladies and an authentic "girls next door" vibe save it from being worse.
Six stops in major American cities bring the ladies. Sometimes a mini interview otherwise it's posing standing, in a chair, on a couch as photos gets snapped, video taken. A reoccurring theme of being asked to throw their panties at the camera, say goodbye at the end of their typically short segments. With over 50 ladies in total there's a lot of variety. A nice mix of natural boobs in addition to those enhanced and some tasty closeups.
"Girls of Cleveland"
- Laura. Voluptuous strawberry blonde with nice curves who knows how to pose getting out of black bra, panties with some nice closeups (1.5 mins)
- Emily. Light skinned dark haired beauty (middle lady on the cover) shows off an ample bust, gorgeous butt and I would have loved to have seen more of her (1 mins)
- Hannah. A young blonde with a silly personality but also a great tanned natural body and réflexible to boot struts her stuff (1.5 mins)
- Abby. Sole Canadian not only has a great body and comfortable in her own skin, but a lover of salsa dancing too which she briefly shows off between poses (1 min)
- Sandra. Very pretty Detroit native with an all natural body & a great smile (1 min)
- Taryn. Another very pretty blonde with a tanned body and a nice sultry look (1 min)
- Nicola. Strips from lingerie and starts on a high note showing off her cute butt in panties in closeup (1 min)
- Heather. Not to be a broken record, but yet another stunning stacked tanned blonde. Some closeup shots of her shaved kitty don't go unappreciated (1 min)
- Heidi. A somewhat shy, but pretty blonde strips from a black bikini (45 secs)
"Girls of Kansas City"
- Marty. Gets her foot tattoo, nice butt and talkative personality shown off. Then goes the clothes so her butt especially can be shown some more (1.5 mins)
- Crystal. A good looking black lady that has the confidence to go with it (1 mins)
- Amy. In a matching bikini top & bottom this blonde goes right to showing off her butt before it all comes off allowing a bunch more nice shots (1.5 mins)
- Tamara. Another African American beauty and another fine butt to stare at (1 min)
- Crystal. This brunette in matching bra & panties shows off her ample butt before the top comes off allowing you to gawk at her fake breasts even harder (1.5 mins)
- Katrina. This blonde is topless from the start and describes herself as crazy but fun (1 min)
- Katie. This stacked brunette has a killer body, but it's hard to not stare at the obvious (1.5 mins)
- Jenny. Another lady topless from the get-go with some lovely tanlines. No voiceover or mini interview. Straight up shots of her posing as the G-string comes off (1 min)
- Allison. A fine looking tanned busty blonde and another great smile (1.5 mins)
- Jennifer. Gets the closeups in black bra, panties before fully nude (1 min)
"Girls of Sacramento"
- Heather. More specific Heather Rene Smith - future Playmate Feb 2007 - in a bright orange bikini quickly brings out the big guns (40 secs)
- Nichole. Lovely brunette with a killer body highlighted by her big breasts (1 min)
- Stephanie. This brunette loses the bikini top quickly and then the various poses show off her toned tanned body (1 min)
- Marie. This blonde strips from her black bra, panties but a bit of video effects are in use which isn't great (1 min)
- Shelly. Pink bikini gets ditched and then quick poses and it's over (40 secs)
- Kelly. Black bikini comes off as this dark haired lady hits her poses (1 min)
- Stephenie. Sports a nice tanned body and a Playboy tattoo on her butt cheek. She also has a great smile like some of the other ladies here (1 min)
- Aubrey. Blonde who doesn't always seem comfortable posing nude however there's no denying she looks great (1 min)
- Jennifer. Blonde in and out of black bra, panties that's over pretty quick (50 secs)
- Andrea. A playful attitude and another awesome body both clothed or not. Also pierced down below for added effect and a wicked long tongue (1 min)
"Girls of San Antonio"
- D'Nika. The first thing you're bound to notice is her boobs almost bursting from her tight bra. Then her ass gets shown off before the puppies come out to play (1 min)
- Sabrina. A natural Asian beauty with a playful attitude and a nice body (1 min)
- Stephanie. Pierced nipple you'll notice, but also maybe too much eyeliner (1 min)
- Seanne. Dark haired lovely with a great body and some unique poses that I would have liked to see more of than this quick bit (1 min)
- Rachelle. Floral bra, panties don't stay on long before this blonde hits the list of asked of poses standing or all over a chair (1 min)
- Amber. This dark haired lady has a unique face that I liked and her huge boobs don't hurt either (1 min)
- Lyndsey. Another blonde comfortable and having fun. Her butt gets shown to start, but then her nice breasts and beautiful smile come out (1 min)
- Caroline. A cute dirty blonde with some lower tattoos and a quick closeup of her shaven kitty (1 min)
- Brittney. This redhead ditches her white top, panties and poses in a chair (1 min)
- Monica. Natural brunette shows off her body in & out of a white bikini (1 min)
"Girls of Tampa"
- Aimee. Poses in a see thru yellow bra before it all comes off. Another lady who prefers being shaven gets a full body closeup that ends on her lovely kitty (1 min)
- Annmarie. In a red one piece lingerie has a big laugh to start before it comes off which highlights multiple piercings down below (1.5 mins)
- Lanie. This stacked brunette loses her top, bottoms and looks good in the process. A full length fur jacket comes into the mix which is a hot look too (1 min)
- Kylie. Black bra, purple panties and some standing poses (1 min)
- Nikole. A petite blonde with a pretty smile shows off her butt before it all comes off (1.5 mins)
"Girls of Denver"
- Audra. This attractive blonde poses in a bedroom, but the light coming in from the big windows behind her kinda wash out the picture somewhat (1 min)
- Alecia. In a colorful bikini this dark haired beauty has a great face and natural body. Take note of her cute, but tight butt (1 min)
- Desiree. A black top, panties and leggings (nice touch) this dark haired lady also shows off a pretty smile, tattoos and pierced nipples (1 min)
- Cyan. Off goes a zebra print top then poses in the bedroom (1.5 mins)
- Samantha. A great smile gets shown off in addition to her youthful look (1 min)
- Monica. Full length fur coat and the black bra, panties underneath (1.5 mins)
- Bonnie. A face that might remind you of other nude models and topless in red panties to begin. The picture displays hints of being washed out due to the lighting again (1 min)
- Brooks. Red bra, panties and a big bright smile. Shot at night the light from outside is no longer a problem (1 min)
- Jami. A pretty young lady but not the type of quality shots you wanna see closes out this video (1 min)
Playboy's name isn't what it once was, but ladies still turn out to become the next Playmate or pose. Hence 'Tryouts' is one of their titles released monetizing hunt for talent. It has the nudity you crave, but little else. I'm conflicted as the good moments are too short and it doesn't hold a candle to the material they used to put out. However many nice ladies and a few cute moments save it from being rated lower. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
Land of Bad (2024)
Danger Close
'Land of Bad' has a great sounding title, deals with the advanced state of battle in the use of drone aircraft (UAVs), but the actual movie itself is no more than a mildly decent dtv action flick. If you wanna dive deeper it's got two halves and one is more successful than the other. Russell Crowe like other established great actors in older age has chosen or been reduced to appearing in questionable material for a paycheck. Here he's stuck with a part that is not very deep. The latter can be said for Liam Hemsworth's role although he's much more central to the plot and goes thru hell.
The CIA lose an asset in Southern Asia and a three man Delta Force team lead by MSgt. 'Sugar' Sweet (Milo Ventimiglia) are sent in to retrieve him being held captive. Also along for the ride is air force Sgt. Kinney (Hemsworth) callsign 'Playboy' responsible for comms with their drone overwatch. The other end of the com-link is Cpt. Grimm (Crowe) aka 'Reaper' who offers support thru the mission's volatile nature that sees a known terrorist group and it's leader enter the picture. Can they rescue the captured operative? Can Reaper help navigate the men thru dangerous territory and get them out alive?
When it's on the ground - in the jungle - there's some good action and a real sense of dread. The horrors of war, terrorism, soldiers duty. It feels authentic and it doesn't go according to plan (perfect). Co-mingled is Reaper and when it deals with him offering support everything is fine. Fleshing out his personality feels forced or rather needless. Honestly this part of the movie is seriously weak. You get that he's good at his job and really cares, but it doesn't stop it from feeling like fluff. Taking away from the much more interesting brutality with the guys on the ground.
'Land of Bad' also has some dramatic conventions like the out-of-his-depth guy being plunged into the "hero" role, aerial bombs that come too late and people being captured but surviving. Still you have to hand it to the filmmakers that everything is shot well, looks great, sounds great. The action isn't done over the top, but rather quick, efficient with some no nonsense pieces of gruesome violence. I didn't have lofty expectations, but I enjoyed the majority of it. I think having Crowe's character dialed back would have made it even stronger.
Sleeping Dogs (2024)
Ignorance is Bliss
'Sleeping Dogs' tries to deliver a decent murder mystery and Russell Crowe is solid, but the initial idea is a lot to swallow and the way it wraps up doesn't help. The title is not very subtle in spelling out the resolution too ("Let sleeping dogs lie"). I didn't mind the flashbacks, jumping back and forth thru timelines, everything made sense at the end and tied together ... but the final result? Mixed at best.
Retired detective Roy Freeman (Crowe) suffering from advanced Alzheimer's is approached by an Innocence project. Looking for a last ditch chance to save Isaac Samuel (Pacharo Mzembe) from death row in a months time convicted of killing Dr. Joseph Wieder (Marton Csokas). Freeman was the lead investigator alongside partner Jimmy Remis (Tommy Flanagan) to whom he gave a drug induced confession. Granting Isaac's request to meet hints at a very real possibility justice was miscarried. However if true, who killed the doctor? His ex-Army caretaker Wayne Devereaux (Thomas M. Wright)? Disgruntled research assistant and possible lover Laura Baines (Karen Gillan)? Her boyfriend Richard Finn (Harry Greenwood)?
When I said the setup is hard to swallow I wasn't kidding. When the tale starts Freeman can barely remember his own name. In a moment that harkens to another title - 'Memento' - finds his apartment littered with notes. His condition greatly improves over the course of the two hour runtime, but early on you may rightfully be thinking this retired cop is in no shape to be deep diving one of his old cases. Alzheimer's angle never goes away completely, but it slides into the background until near the end when the flick has it's "pop goes the weasel" moment.
I was never bored watching 'Sleeping Dogs' due to some great acting by Crowe, a decent amount of atmosphere, but the boatload of red herrings gave away to a contrived three-way showdown (of sorts). Then an additional twenty mins more are spent to tell the real truth. Fans of Crowe or Flanagan have the most to gain giving this a go. Movies about people with faulty memories are hit 'n miss and this isn't the strongest effort from this genre.
Asphalt City (2023)
Grim. Bleak. Darkness. Sadness. Light.
'Asphalt City' aka 'Black Flies' has a point to make and goes the extra mile to drive it home. Casual moviegoers who want light, something uplifting are in the wrong place. Though you're not wrong to question if it's too heavy or removed from reality at times. It seems appropriate they set the tale in NYC as it was once the haven for hard boiled action flicks, horror nasties that liked to play up it's once seamy nature. As one who never sat thru the Nic Cage pic 'Bringing Out the Dead', I thought the ride here thru the ups and downs of a paramedic was unique if not scattershot.
Cross (Tye Sheridan) a newbie NYC paramedic gets a crash course in death, sadness and the futility of helping the public. Who sometimes distrust, loath, don't appreciate or abuse people in civil service frontline jobs. Mainly stuck to the nightshift, he lives in a rundown apartment with strangers and studies to become a doctor. Soon enough his world mentally starts to unravel and an incident with his veteran partner 'Rut' (Sean Penn) is either a really bad mistake or something much worse. A wakeup call to not go down the wrong path, circling the drain.
The story is mainly a collection of emergency calls of various states of panic, distress and the learning curve that goes along with it. The film is purposely dark and you see the correlations between the mens journeys at certain points. Michael Pitt & Gbenga Akinnagbe play fellow paramedics and in a bit of stunt casting Mike Tyson their immediate supervisor. Really the strength here is two leads - Sheridan, Penn - willing to throw themselves into their roles and what is has to say about the toll paid on people doing this for a living.
'Asphalt City' left me wondering a lot about paramedics. What they get paid, the worst of what they see and ultimately why they do it. Having it all go down in the city that never sleeps as opposed to small town USA wasn't lost on me. I knew the effect they were going for here at all times. Only in the last quarter of it's two hour runtime did I wish for a more fleshed out story, sanctuary from it's dark nature. It's not a home run, but it's also not bad like some people are making it out to be.
Shallow Grave (1994)
Toxic People, Toxic Greed
A huge amount of cash falling into your lap is not a new thing in the movies. It's an idea ... a fantasy a ton of people identify with, dream about. 'Shallow Grave' another entry into this genre had opinions divided when it came out. The UK setting, the main cast are noteworthy and perhaps the strongest element. Often you like or sympathize with the characters put in this predicament so having the opposite be true ended up being my favorite part as the tale plots the usual trajectories of trust, greed.
David (Chris Eccleston), Juliet (Kerry Fox) & Alex (Ewan McGregor) share a large flat together in Edinburgh. They are looking for a fourth and in the process belittle applicants until they meet Hugo (Keith Allen). A "writer" who dies of a drug overdose and with a large suitcase full of money. Having to dispose of his body David draws the short straw and from there it's a race against the police, infighting, paranoia and the murderous thugs who want the money back as Hugo obviously wasn't what he seemed.
Before director Danny Boyle & McGregor would go on to 'Trainspotting' here they are in raw form but flashes of brilliance. Though Fox & Eccleston are no slouches either. Juliet is the female type within bounds of reality and the way David slowly but surely loses himself is brilliant. Closest to likable of the lot but even he succumbs to the madness. It goes without saying there's a tint of black humor here but it's not played to the hilt and the tension is sometimes palpable.
I can see why 'Shallow Grave' got some minor acclaim, struck a note with a certain crowd. Awful people end up being it's calling card. I say this as how everything plays out is rather routine other than one devilish twist at the end. This isn't the usual tale of everyday decent people, but awful sorts making bad decisions and being awful. That's really where the fun came watching this for me.
Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 2003 (2002)
Everyone Has Their Favorites
Another year, another batch of lovely Playmates and 2003 has some choice picks. These video compilations can be hit or miss or largely down to your tastes, but this edition had some standout names for me. The high quality production values Playboy held at their high mark are here with great camera work, closeups and decent music. Not every lady or scene choices they're placed are top notch, but it's still a solid package overall.
"January" is Darlene Kurtis - PMoTY 2002 - and initially revolves around firefighters and old fashioned America patroristism. Going with the theme dalmatian dogs are here intercut with shots of Darlene in costume, nude being held by the men, riding the truck or at a newstand. It might not deliver as much eye candy of the variety that you want however. Her second is a long drawn out bit that features her in a wedding dress then getting naked on a couch intercut with the story-like ceremony (9.5 mins). "February" is the busty blonde Tina Jordan - Mar 2002 - playing up her (second?) career as a real estate agent. Having the time before the next showing of an open house, she gets naked and climbs into a luxiorous bathtub but trust me I'm not complaining. This means plenty of nice closeups of her boobs, legs, shaved kitty etc as liquid soap gets applied. Her second scene has her looking very glammed up getting naked from a robe, bra & panties in bed. Which again has more nice views, closeups of her body in store (8.5 mins).
"March" is petite redhead Heather Carolin - Apr 2002 - first in & out of a plaid skirt, top playing up her Irish roots. She looks great and the scene is pleasant. Her second trip she's has much more makeup on for a strip on a circular bed that rotates during the scene (6 mins). "April" returns us to the busty blonde variety again in Cristi Shake - May 2002 - as she does a professional photoshoot on an outdoor lot. The best shots come intially as she's in a open tied up top, cutoff jeans that highlight her butt and she looks fantastic. For her second scene, a common trope to Playboy - a male neighbor catching a Playmate in a state of undress from a window - returns as we watch her drop from black clothes for her lover who appears at the end (7 mins).
"May" is lovely Heather Spytek - Jun 2001 - and in another common theme it's eating fruit. Heather snacks on peaches and closeups of her lips, body are shown. Cream makes an appearance dripped down her boobs too. A lot of ladies who pose for Playboy, become Playmates have dance, ballerina backgrounds. So that's her second scene that has her move around before posing naked in a chair with some nice sights (6.5 mins). "June" is Lauren Anderson - Jul 2002 - who gets naked on a white set as cute puppies stumble about, lay on her body, etc. I like Lauren's look and the scene is naturally cute, but it doesn't have enough prolonged shots of her. Second scene has a strip for her boyfriend when they sneak in the Dean's office at college and root thru his files briefly. It's decent, but also short (7 mins).
"July" is Lindsey Vuolo - Nov 2001 - who first drives a sky blue cadillac across the desert, arrives as a gas station and strips from her summer dress, bikini. Then it's a diner solo fantasy scenario because a cute guy who works there catches her eye. A nice shot or two with her laying on the counter nude was the standout here for me (7 mins). "August" is Nicole Narain - Jan 2002 - as she gets out from a few pieces of clothing including a white fur top on a purple set complete with a suspended swing and zebra print floor. The second time out has her strip from a dress on a bed in a tribal feel. I like Nicole's look and was looking forward to her month, but I got to be honest and say the visuals let me down somewhat (7 mins).
"September" is blonde hottie Stephanie Heinrich - Oct 2001 - as she starts out with frizzy hair in a black bikini looking sultry. I really like her look, attitude here and there's some hot shots of her body. Then it's a traditional photo session in a bedroom that delivers good shots of her in lingerie, but can't top her first scene (6 mins). "October" is Shanna Moakler - Dec 2001 - in a horseback polo theme to start. Takes a bit of buildup until she's naked on a couch where too much time is spent on needless shots. Throwback to 40's movie stars has Shanna done up glamorous on a classic movie set that nails the theme, style but I didn't think was very hot (5.5 mins).
"November" is brunnette stunner Jennifer Walcott - Aug 2001 - and features hand down my favorite moment of the video. Her first scene has her stroll through a neighborhood where three guys wait for her to pass by of course intercut with three dream sequences. First she's in a hot pink bikini where Jennifer looks killer and it has a bunch of nice shots, closeups. Then in a black top, jean shorts she's getting wet, naked washing a motorbike. Lastly in a summer dress she quickly gets naked while attending to some flowers. She puts a hose over her buns, boobs which is always a hot look. I've always been a fan of Jennifer since her appearances in 'Barefoot Beauties' and the Christmas themed 'Playmated Unwrapped'. Now she practices martial arts that doesn't give much views of her sans clothes and is very short in length (7 mins). "December" is Kimberly Stanfield - Jul 2001 - in a fashion designer segment that sees her in and out of various pieces. Then her on a swing in a tophat before it settles down to her getting naked on a bed or on a big chair (5.5 mins).
If you're familiar with Playboy, their video calendars you already know they're solely comprised of preexisting Playmate profiles in shorten form and thrown together into a typically decent package. Some years are better than others, but 2003 is a solid title and the presentation is on point. If you like any of the females featured be sure to track down their extended profiles to see more from them.