Voivod-2 Reviews

Crash (I) (2004)

Just about the most ham-fisted, beat-you-over-the-head-with-unsubtlety movie in history

[2/10 · 26 February 2009]

I saw Crash the other day. It features Matt Dillon as a corrupt cop who finger f**ks a black woman who he's frisking during an illegal search. Later, he heroically saves the same woman from a fiery death in an overturned automobile. Brilliant. Then there's a touching scene in which Ludicrous, a depraved thug, steals a van only to find out after having driven some distance that there are a dozen Cambodian refugees being smuggled in the back. While barreling down a dingy road in a bad part of town, the previously Machiavellian gangster has a sudden moral epiphany, and realizes what he must do in the name of truth. He cinematically furrows his brows and exhales with a sense of firmness and resolution, stopping the van on a scary LA sidestreet spattered with blood stains and graffiti. He opens the rear van doors to let out the frightened refugees, and with the gusto of a young boy releasing a box of caged pigeons, he gestures excitedly towards the streets as if to say, "Go, my friends! You are free now, and the world is at your command!" The huddled mass of refugees and their shivering children cautiously but thankfully exit the van, inhaling the sweet nectar of their newfound freedom, where they are free to roam the dark streets of a large metropolitan city where they have no money, can't speak the language, and have no place to live. Of course, you as the audience member, aren't supposed to think about that. Instead, you are treated to a heartwarming closeup of Ludicrous smiling and nodding his head knowingly. Implicit in this ham-fisted and nonsensical tale is that this hardened criminal now walks the path of righteousness in a city where corruption has otherwise strangled all semblance of humanity.

I was stunned by this ridiculous display, and quickly scanned the audience to determine whether everyone else in the theater was as baffled by this scene as I was. Instead I found many theater patrons fighting back tears. Jesus Christ.

Juno (2007)

Annoying, irritating, and the among most forced dialog I've ever seen

[3/10 · 15 February 2009]

Good lord, I am so tired of movies like this. Self-consciously "clever" movies filled with stilted dialogue, forced quirkiness, and transparent efforts by the screenwriter to churn out America's next snarky catchphrase; unconvincing characters with terrible acting abilities, terrible lines that don't sound remotely realistic in the context of real conversations that anyone on the face of this planet has ever had, and cinematic pseudo-subtlety that isn't so much subtle as it is blindingly obvious, to the point where any real movie buff will feel like they're being beaten over the head with something that's supposed to quietly augment the movie. But unfortunately, this is what passes for artistry these days.

It's a sad day when a movie like Juno is championed as 'different' and 'intelligent.'

Prey for Rock & Roll (2003)

It's pretty bad, but the songs are simply horrific

[4/10 · 17 June 2007]

*** May contain spoilers*** Wow. This movie is really bad. It's so bad that the first word of the title is misspelled (I'd be willing to allow for the possibility of it being some awful pun if everything else didn't suggest that it was out of the intellectual league of the producers to allow for this. Also, the song of the same name in the movie indicates that it's supposed to be "pray"). The drummer, guitarist, and bassist were all well-cast and were pretty good in their roles... but the main character, played by Gina Gershon, is such a monumental bitch, it's hard to relate to her or her world unless you're the most hardened, bitter, negative person. She has this perpetual scowl smeared on her face and is incapable of not sneering or radiating this fake bad-ass attitude that instantly makes everything around her turn to sh*t. Which everything does, both in the context of the movie, and in the meta-context. And the plot itself a bit ridiculous, considering that her bandmate gets raped, another bandmate descends into serious drug abuse, and yet another bandmate dies in a freak accident-- all within the span of like a week. Oh, and she takes revenge on the rapist, who incidentally, is unconvincing as a realistic portrayal of a deranged nut. Somehow it's just hard to take it all seriously, and worse, Gershon's character really has a way of ruining the rest of the movie, contaminating it all with her bitter bile.

And then there's the music. Jesus Christ. It's cliché in this bitter "I'm too cool for life" kind of way, where everything has this faux sleazy, sneering overtone that's frankly just embarrassing to watch. There are some points where it sounds moderately interesting, but then Gina starts singing and it's all over.

I guess if you're into the rock'n'roll narrative, you'll find something to like about this movie; after all, this romantic notion of being hungry and breaking through to the mainstream has a certain appeal, but I just don't think it's done all that well here, either in a technical sense or in story-telling. There are signs that the writers have some talent, and are able to convey things subtly, but the larger narrative is not very compelling or capable of generating strong response-- although you will almost certainly hate Gershon's character.

5/10

7 Lucky Ninja Kids (1989)

Riiiiiight....

[5/10 · 4 January 2006]

I must have watched this movie literally 100 times or more when I was 12. Haven't seen it since, but I remember thinking that it was amusing, if a bit over the top, and it had all the standard elements of the Kung-Fu movie stereotypes: cardboard box fights in warehouses, people flying through glass plates, etc. I was obsessed with ninjas at the time, and had a crush on the girl ninja kid. I also liked the kids' fashion sense and wanted to dress like them. What does this have to do with the movie? Nothing. Just saying. Anyway, it's a decent movie, not anywhere near being the worst ever made, like someone else here has said. It might be fun if you happen to find it somewhere.

Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (2003–2010)

Entertainment, not Science

[17 October 2005]

Speaking of bullshit, that's kind of what this show is. Not that it's bad-- it's good entertainment. But less critical viewers will need to be reminded that it's entertainment, not thorough scientific research.

While Penn and Teller do sometimes offer scientific research to bolster their arguments, the tend to present it in a manner that contradicts the purpose of serious investigation. I take issue with the way they enter their investigations with the assumption that something is "bullshit" and how they subsequently mold every piece of information that becomes available to them to reinforce their pre-determined conclusion. A real investigation would not involve them going into their research with the determination to prove it a fraud; it would involve a suspicion which they either prove or disprove after careful examination of the evidence.

I feel that the show manipulates your judgments by doctoring evidence, cutting and pasting phrases out-of-context, repeatedly showing loaded footage, making dismissive commentary without backing, relying on 'straw men' to win arguments, calling people "assholes" for having differing opinions, creating irrelevant "experiments" whose outcomes, at first glance seem to corroborate their point, but upon re-assessment, are not logically congruous with the evaluations you will make based on them (in other words, the experiments are misleading).

P&T essentially bully the viewer onto their side by creating an atmosphere in which you will feel dumb if you disagree; their ridiculously biased presentation ensures it. I'm not saying that most of the stuff they take on isn't bullshit, but their methodology is more akin to "Inside Edition" than, say "BBC News"; it's like a sloppy email forward, filled with ad-hominem attacks and hot-headed rhetoric, not a well-researched feature article. If it seems funny, well-intentioned, and consumer-advocatory, it is; but it's also manipulative and intellectually dishonest, at least for something that you given to understand is an unbiased documentary. That, in and of itself, should be a good reason to watch with caution if you're trying to get anything out of it besides entertainment.

Mahabharat (1988–1990)

This is amazing...

[7 July 2005]

...if you have the time to watch it consistently, and give it your attention. This is a very demanding piece of work-- there are many characters, and many plots going on simultaneously. Stop watching for a few days and you might just forget what was going on. Nevertheless, this is an amazing piece of work, incredibly moving, and affecting like very few works before it. I can't overstate how incredibly emotional the experience of watching it from beginning to end was; the ending, in particular, is a extremely powerful.

True, the scenes are a bit drawn out at times; personally, as director, I would have shaved off about 10-15 minutes from each episode. Obviously, the special effects are outdated as well, but they are sufficient to get the point across, which is the most important thing.

Ideally, this series should be watched when you have 4-5 days dedicated to just watching it from beginning to end. Yeah, that's a big dedication, but it is also an incredibly rewarding experience.

The Ladykillers (2004)

Unfunny and moronic piece of junk

[26 November 2004]

First of all, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE WITH YOUR FAMILY.

Secondly, don't bother watching this movie period. To be succinct about it, this is an awful movie. The characters are crude and idiotic social stereotypes, and the "jokes" are stupid, low-brow attempts at humor, clearly the results of intense effort on the part of the writers to make funny gags, but which fail so miserably that it is nauseating and consistently embarrassing to watch. I'm not easily offended, but this was so offensively moronic that I was unable to stomach hardly any of this movie. It tries to cover the cinematic bases, but fails at all of them: it tries to be both old fashioned and modern, and fails at both. It tries to be funny and fails. It tries to be engaging, and fails. It tries to be classy and fails. It tries to be evocative, and fails. I can't think of a single area in which this movie succeeds. It cannot be recommended in any way.

Swimming Pool (2003)

Disappointing fence-straddling

[9 November 2004]

this movie was disappointing.

if you wanted to see porn, it wasn't adequate. like the woman it depicts, the whole approach seems to have a "broomstick up its ass." it seems determined to take the high road in its aesthetic, which is usually a welcome thing in the wide world of the erotic movie (where sleaze is usually the direction eroticism takes) but somehow in this case, the muted approach tends to feel lazy and boring, rather than classy and exciting.

on the other hand, if you wanted a suspense movie, well, it wasn't good at that either. there is hardly any plot besides some cliché melodrama, and moreover, the characters are 2 dimensional cardboard cutouts of social stereotypes.

somehow, i doubt that anyone could feel truly satisfied by this obvious effort to straddle the fence between sophistication and eroticism. but it's by no means an AWFUL movie. Just "ehhh."

Freestyle: The Art of Rhyme (2000)

A so-so documentary made with... LOVE!

[5/10 · 30 August 2004]

This is a decent documentary with a very homemade and intimate feel, full of interesting people, and with compelling subject matter. Despite its admirable goals, I feel that it was a documentary with major flaws in it, and I have the sense that it had the potential to be a lot better than it was. Some of these shortcomings I would level against the director, while some seem to have their roots in the art form itself.

Most importantly, as a showcase for freestyle as an art form, it is surprising to see how the MCs in this movie are, by and large, pretty wack. There are a few that are quite good-- particularly a talented freestyler named Juice who is easily the best rapper depicted -- but for the most part they are mediocre rappers with poor flow, throwing around tired battle rhymes. Even Supernatural, who is often cited as the world's best freestyler, doesn't seem all that remarkable. Nor does the much heralded Mos Def, who raps in a monotonous style that quickly proves tedious and boring. However, there is a very early clip of Biggie Smalls at age 17, rhyming in the streets of New York; it's both historically interesting and one of the better examples of freestyle featured in the movie. This clip also has a way of showing how a better selection of rhymes would have drastically improved the quality of the documentary. And even though "Freestyle" catches the loose and casual feel of impromptu "cyphers" (circles of freestylers that rhyme and battle), it is largely unable to capture many transcendent rhymes, the kind that you go to the movie in hopes of seeing. Unfortunately, there are only a couple times you might be genuinely impressed by the rhymes. In general, freestyle comes off in the movie as something that you respect and appreciate "in theory" rather than when you're actually presented with it, again, with a few exceptions.

If you didn't already know about freestyling, and hadn't already been exposed to good freestyling, this movie might convince you that freestyling is an interesting facet of urban culture, but it probably would not make a strong argument that it's a art form worth paying attention to. Sure, there are isolated moments of interest, but in general, it comes off here as a rather undeveloped art. On top of that there's all these guys doing these unenlightened rhymes that hardly seem like important or progressive social, political, or even humanitarian statements. I would have liked to have seen people rapping about intelligent things, not insulting each others' physical appearances and making wack attacks on each other's clothes! And yes, I realize that these MC battles are part of what freestyling is about and where it came from, yet the director does not attempt to explain what socially progressive purpose such rhymes provide. Agreed, that it helps create community, but what use is that community without a positive purpose? After all, it's not hard to gather crowds around fights.

In this manner, too much effort is made by the director to make freestyling out to be a "spiritual" exercise. While it is conceivably true, "Freestyle: The Art of Rhyme" nakedly makes overtures to convince you of this at every possible opportunity; and at times, it seems to use this "spiritual" veneer to gloss over the rampant violence, misogyny, and homophobia that comes through in many of the freestyle lyrics. It seems disingenuous on the part of the director to portray these rhymes as "spiritual" and "expressions of the divine" when they don't seem particularly bent on promoting consciousness. Instead, it almost seems that all the "spiritual" talk is a way of deflecting this sort of criticism.

In the end, I think this movie is largely for "heads" (AKA hardcore hip-hop fans); anyone else won't come out feeling too impressed by this art form, if their only exposure to it is based on this documentary. But ironically, hip-hop fans who will be interested in this subject matter are probably already knowledgeable about freestyling, and would likely be familiar with better and more interesting rhymes, ones that could elicit more provoking thought than these. For what it's worth, this movie is clearly a labor of love, and there's a deep respect and love for hip-hop culture involved in the making of this movie, but unfortunately it doesn't really translate into a very compelling documentary.

Gummo (1997)

Not good, not bad, just a movie.

[10/10 · 28 May 1999]

As Homer Simpson once said about a particularly turbulent day, it was "just a bunch of stuff that happened." There is no other way to describe this movie. I am not one to be impressed by phony and cheap attempts at avant-garde cinema nor am I the type to revel in Chris Farley movies-- and this movie is neither. It is very true that this movie is disturbing because deep down you know, at least if you've ever lived in the south or the midwest as I have, it really happens. But at the same time, it gives one a certain ego-boost or perhaps a feeling of superiority knowing that at least there's SOMEONE out there that you can look down on. It is both one of the scariest and most hilarious movies I have ever seen because it is a depiction of just how low some people are willing to let themselves go (without their even knowing it)!

Hated: GG Allin & the Murder Junkies (1993)

Excellent Documentary

[20 May 1999]

Although he passed away in a typical rock star way (heroin overdose) in 1993, nothing else in GG's life could ever be considered typical. Yes, it is true that GG Allin makes Marilyn Manson look like a Sunday school teacher, but to focus on that is missing the point of this movie. As a fan of rock music, I can understand exactly where GG is coming from when he says that there is a great void in rock music today, that there is no soul behind the stars of the music industry. Where is the senseless destruction? Where is the violence? Where is the hyper-obscene sexuality that once offended legions of conservative suburbanites in the 1950's and 60's? Feeling that since he is the only one with the guts to do anything about it, GG took it upon himself to single-handedly compensate for all the boring cookie-cutter rock stars that anxiously collect royalty checks and live in $10 million mansions. GG willingly suffered to be a martyr for rock music, frequently going so far that once, warrants were out for his arrest in at least seven states at the same time! One scene that particularly hit me was this: GG is shown walking out of a court room after being handed down one of the many prison sentences he received in his life. As he walks by the camera, he exclaims triumphantly, "They're trying to destroy rock and roll but they CAN'T DO IT!" It is strange for me to admit that as a touching statement, especially when said by a man who is repeatedly shown sprawled out naked on stage, smothered in his own blood, urine, and feces, but at the same time, you wonder-- does anyone else out there in that nameless faceless monolith of rock give a damn about what they're doing enough to sacrifice their life for the name of it?

This movie is not for casual patrons of rock-- only a true lover of it will be able to transcend the gruesome, appetite-suppressing, often vomit-inducing qualities of the film. Endlessly fascinating, pathetic, disgusting, tragic, and perplexing, Hated is one the greatest rock documentaries ever made.

Yellow Submarine (1968)

Funky stuff...

[13 May 1999]

I used to think the last episode of Twin Peaks was weird. Then I saw Yellow Submarine. It was like a voyage to Acidland. I'm not sure if the Beatles had much to do with the production of this movie, but if they did, it is a great indiction of their drug intake... Good movie though.