The In-Laws (I) (2003)
Albert Brooks: Jerry Peyser
Photos
Quotes
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Jerry Peyser : "Normal as butter on mashed potatoes"? That lasted about ten minutes.
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Steve Tobias : I don't know one person here.
Jerry Peyser : That's because it's not an arms market.
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Jerry Peyser : I'm sorry I called you the worst father in the world. I'm sure there's at least two or three guys who are worse.
Steve Tobias : Thank you, Jer.
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Jerry Peyser : Six people on a beach! I could have saved a fortune.
Steve Tobias : Jer, they're gonna be fine. In fact, the whole family's gonna be just fine.
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Steve Tobias : Doctor, do you know what a roofie is?
Jerry Peyser : Yeah I know what a roofie is, frat boys give them to girls at parties.
[Steve nods]
Jerry Peyser : Oh no. Oh don't rape me.
[passes out]
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Jerry Peyser : I would contract what they call wet bone.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux : I'm curious to know more about wet bone.
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Jerry Peyser : I got what they call wet bone.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux : I'm curious to know more about wet bone.
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Jean-Pierre Thibodoux : People think we are crazy. But they don't know the joy of holding a man's beating heart in the palm of your hand.
Jerry Peyser : Aww, that's a good feeling.
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Jean-Pierre Thibodoux : But there are certain things I can only do with a man, no?
Jerry Peyser : Like golf?
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux : No! I am not gay!
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Steve Tobias : [after large snake is served at ethnic restaurant] Uh, Jerry, you alright? You haven't even touched your food!
Jerry Peyser : My food is still eating.
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[last lines]
[as Jean-Pierre is being taken away by the police, he waves at Jerry]
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux : Call me!
Jerry Peyser : You know something? He might actually like prison.
Steve Tobias : Like it? He's gonna LOVE it!
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Jerry Peyser : That was fun.
Steve Tobias : Yeah blackmail! Ha ha.
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Jerry Peyser : Katharine, I am in the bathroom of Barbra Streisand's airplane.