- Elizabeth Lubbock: Honey, where are your sisters?
- Sherry Lubbock: They're at the library studying.
- Coach Graham T. Lubbock: The library?
- Sherry Lubbock: I just report the lies. I don't make them up.
- Constance "Connie" Lubbock: Haven't you forgotten a little thing called the First Amendment? This is America.
- Elizabeth Lubbock: America ends at that front door. This is Lubbockland, and I'm the evil queen.
- Cynthia "Cindy" Lubbock: Oh no! Ovaltine and Ho Ho's!
- Constance "Connie" Lubbock: She'll be pregnant by sun-up!
- Coach Graham T. Lubbock: This isn't like New York, where you open the door and there's hundreds of people of all sizes, shapes, and perversions!
- Marie: All I meant was: here Connie has caused this family crisis and all you care about is being a tramp!
- Wendy: Tramp, tramp, tramp! Y'know, you say that so often, sometimes I think you really want to be one, Marie!
- Marie: And spend my days lusting after tall, handsome men who... strut and flex their shapely buttocks... I think not!