Dance Macabre (1992)
3/10
1992: A ballet slasher travesty!
3 January 2024
Okay, we need to talk about the "grand finale" of this (righteously) forgotten early 90s slasher. I honestly don't want to ruin it, but is there anyone -seriously - who didn't figure out the supposedly shocking end-twist from the first moment Svetlana rolls into the picture in her wheelchair? Slashers from the early 1990s don't score well on inspiration or creativity, I know, but the revelation of "Dance Macabre" is too preposterous, ridicule, and predictable for words. Besides, after looking up the film here on IMDb, I also noticed the cast listing blatantly gives away the big twist as well.

It had potential, though. Based on other sadistic and bloody horror flicks with a ballet academy setting (like Argento's "Suspiria" or Fulci's "Murder Rock") and my appreciation for writer/director Greydon Clark (he did make "The Return" and "Without Warning" after all), I had relatively good hopes that "Dance Macabre" would at least be an undemanding but grim slasher with a massive body count. And, of course, there's the lead role of horror monument Robert Englund as the scar-faced and sinister ballet academy's headmaster. How bad can it possibly be, right?

The painful truth is that, since the "Nightmare on Elm Street" sequels, Robert Englund only starred in lousy flicks in which depicted eccentric weirdos ("Phantom of the Opera", "Night Terrors", "The Mangler") and this is his worst and most unconvincing role of them all. The body count is reasonably high, but the killing methods are dull, unimaginative, and frustratingly un-gory. Clark's direction is thoroughly unremarkable. Perhaps he felt restricted by the omnipresence of producer Menahem Golan, but even Clark's notoriously terrible "Uninvited" had more panache. In fact, there's only one brightness in "Dance Macabre" and it's lead girl Michelle Zeitlin. Not necessarily because she's a gifted actress, but because she's a beauty with a breathtaking body. She's a lot curvier and more voluptuous than a ballet dancer ought to be, but I'm not complaining. Apparently, Zeitlin quickly quit the acting business and hosts wellness workshops nowadays.
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