I'm dead serious. This film is all kinds of awful. Actually, I made an account here just because I felt an urgent need to express to everyone who reads this page how bad this movie is. Let's go over everything this movie does wrong:
When I started this movie, I assumed that there would be a plot. Any plot would do. When the main character, played by Rob Schneider, attempts to kill himself, I figured that that would be the film's low point. I was wrong. Watching the main character almost kill himself was actually the high point for me, but I didn't realize this until about halfway through the movie because I didn't have any idea what sort of crap this guy would put me through. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. Say what you will, I challenge anyone who watches this to feel differently.
After the attempted suicide, a group of nomads show up. Sure, it's random, but I don't have any real problems with that. However, it bothers me that these nomads have almost no personal depth at all. The only reason they're on the screen is to attempt comedy and waste time. Their personalities are almost as bland as the camera angles. That being said, Schneider's character is extremely boring and predictable. The only character who even comes close to watchable is played by Carolina Gómez, and even then, she doesn't say anything except for mystical riddles and wisdom. She offers us useful tidbits, such as "sometimes you have to have faith instead of believing". I don't have to point out that that doesn't make sense, right? It's like somebody cracked open every fortune cookie in China, and crumpled into a giant nonsensical screenplay. Also, the pacing is very strange, and completely random heavy-handed melodrama is handed out on a regular basis, along with attempted comedy.
And just when I thought that boring was the worst I could hope for, something else happens: it becomes mildly offensive. The film implies that -- SPOILER ALERT -- Schneider's dad has reincarnated as an eagle. While I'm not against the idea of reincarnation, I don't like how the film presents the idea. Everything in this film is basically identical to typical reality, and then there's...that. It's just overly preachy.
All that being said, I'm not a completely hateful person, and this film definitely had a few redeeming moments, usually in the form of lighthearted comedy. Also, Schneider is actually a pretty good actor throughout most of the film. But...that's it.
I don't think I need to restate what I've said already. Unless you have low standards, or if you just hate yourself, do not see Chosen One.
When I started this movie, I assumed that there would be a plot. Any plot would do. When the main character, played by Rob Schneider, attempts to kill himself, I figured that that would be the film's low point. I was wrong. Watching the main character almost kill himself was actually the high point for me, but I didn't realize this until about halfway through the movie because I didn't have any idea what sort of crap this guy would put me through. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. Say what you will, I challenge anyone who watches this to feel differently.
After the attempted suicide, a group of nomads show up. Sure, it's random, but I don't have any real problems with that. However, it bothers me that these nomads have almost no personal depth at all. The only reason they're on the screen is to attempt comedy and waste time. Their personalities are almost as bland as the camera angles. That being said, Schneider's character is extremely boring and predictable. The only character who even comes close to watchable is played by Carolina Gómez, and even then, she doesn't say anything except for mystical riddles and wisdom. She offers us useful tidbits, such as "sometimes you have to have faith instead of believing". I don't have to point out that that doesn't make sense, right? It's like somebody cracked open every fortune cookie in China, and crumpled into a giant nonsensical screenplay. Also, the pacing is very strange, and completely random heavy-handed melodrama is handed out on a regular basis, along with attempted comedy.
And just when I thought that boring was the worst I could hope for, something else happens: it becomes mildly offensive. The film implies that -- SPOILER ALERT -- Schneider's dad has reincarnated as an eagle. While I'm not against the idea of reincarnation, I don't like how the film presents the idea. Everything in this film is basically identical to typical reality, and then there's...that. It's just overly preachy.
All that being said, I'm not a completely hateful person, and this film definitely had a few redeeming moments, usually in the form of lighthearted comedy. Also, Schneider is actually a pretty good actor throughout most of the film. But...that's it.
I don't think I need to restate what I've said already. Unless you have low standards, or if you just hate yourself, do not see Chosen One.