Two incompetent vampire hunters, Professor Abronsius (Jack MacGowran of "Doctor Zhivago") and his bumbling assistant Alfred (Roman Polanski of "Rush Hour 3") venture to a remote village in Eastern Europe so they can substantiate the existence of vampires. "The Fearless Vampire Killers or Pardon Me But Your Teeth are in my Neck" is a spoof of vampire chillers in general and specifically Hammer horror movies. Mind you, this qualifies as a traditional vampire movie. The vampires display fangs, cast no reflection in mirrors, and spend their days in their coffins. Although the film generated a lot of coin in Europe, it flopped in America and MGM didn't help matters when they re-edited it so drastically that director Roman Polanski disowned it. Polanski penned the screenplay with his "Repulsion" collaborator Gérard Brach. Wilfrid Shingleton's production designs are first-rate. Nevertheless, Polanski and his collaborators scare up a lot of atmosphere in this 107- minute send-up of bloodsuckers. "Blue Max" lenser Douglas Slocombe's widescreen cinematography contributes to the air of suspense that Polanski generates. "The Fearless Vampire Killers" is one of those rare films that you could watch in the dead of an incandescent summer and contract chills from its winter-covered surroundings.
The narrator sets the ominous but amusing tone of this sophisticated parody: "That night, penetrating deep into the heart of Transylvania, Professor Abronsius was unaware that he was on the point of reaching the goal of his mysterious investigations. In the course of which he had journeyed throughout Central Europe for years accompanied by his one and only faithful disciple, Alfred. A scholar and scientist whose genius was unappreciated, Abronsius had given up all to devote himself body and soul to what was to him a sacred mission. He had even lost his chair at Königsberg University, where for a long time his colleagues used to refer to him as "The Nut." Along the way, angry dogs attack our hapless heroes, and the elderly, white-haired professor arrives at an inn frozen to the bone. Jewish innkeeper Shagal (Alfie Bass of "Alfie") thaws out the professor after everybody chimes in with a remedy to thaw him out. The first thing that Abronsius notices is string of garlic dangling from the ceiling. As far as he is concerned, Abronsius has found vampires and he plans to stay. When Shagal shows Abronsius and Alfred to their room, he forgets that his bodacious, red-haired daughter Sarah (Sharon Tate) is luxuriating in their bathtub. He promises Abronsius and Alfred that they will have use of the bathroom tomorrow. Shagal whips his daughter for constantly using the tub to bathe in, and she informs Alfred later that she got into the habit of washing regularly in school.
Naturally, when Abronsius inquires, Shagal and his townsfolk dismiss vampires as nothing more than superstitious shenanigans. Later, the professor spots a hunchback, Koukol (Terry Downes of "A Study in Terror"), and sends Alfred off to follow the deformed fellow. Alfred doesn't get far, especially after the hunchback appears to dine on dog. At the inn, Shagal likes to slip out of bed late at night and sneak up to bundle up with Magda, the Maid (Fiona Lewis of "Otley"), but Shagal's wife Rebecca (Jessie Robins of "Billy Liar") has her suspicions. She tries to catch him in the act, but clobbers the inquisitive Abronsius by mistake. He never learns who struck. Ironically, Shagal manages to conceal himself and his vast bulk behind the door in Magda's room. Sarah pays the price of bathing one time too often, and she is cavorting in bubbles when the skylight opens and Count von Krolock (Ferdy Mayne of "Where Eagles Dare") descends, in his regal Bela Lugosi cloak, and takes a bite out of her beautiful throat. Shagal goes off to avenge Sarah and comes back dead and drained. Meanwhile, Alfred has become infatuated with Sarah, and Abronsius and he set off for the Count's castle to rescue her. When they blunder into the castle, the vampire patriarch awaits them and has rooms prepared for them.
You can tell that this vampire spoof is different when a nubile young lady tries to ward off a thirsty vampire with a crucifix and the vampire dismisses her efforts with a chuckle because he is Jewish: "Oy, hev you got the wrong vampire!" The ironic ending is a big plus, too.
The narrator sets the ominous but amusing tone of this sophisticated parody: "That night, penetrating deep into the heart of Transylvania, Professor Abronsius was unaware that he was on the point of reaching the goal of his mysterious investigations. In the course of which he had journeyed throughout Central Europe for years accompanied by his one and only faithful disciple, Alfred. A scholar and scientist whose genius was unappreciated, Abronsius had given up all to devote himself body and soul to what was to him a sacred mission. He had even lost his chair at Königsberg University, where for a long time his colleagues used to refer to him as "The Nut." Along the way, angry dogs attack our hapless heroes, and the elderly, white-haired professor arrives at an inn frozen to the bone. Jewish innkeeper Shagal (Alfie Bass of "Alfie") thaws out the professor after everybody chimes in with a remedy to thaw him out. The first thing that Abronsius notices is string of garlic dangling from the ceiling. As far as he is concerned, Abronsius has found vampires and he plans to stay. When Shagal shows Abronsius and Alfred to their room, he forgets that his bodacious, red-haired daughter Sarah (Sharon Tate) is luxuriating in their bathtub. He promises Abronsius and Alfred that they will have use of the bathroom tomorrow. Shagal whips his daughter for constantly using the tub to bathe in, and she informs Alfred later that she got into the habit of washing regularly in school.
Naturally, when Abronsius inquires, Shagal and his townsfolk dismiss vampires as nothing more than superstitious shenanigans. Later, the professor spots a hunchback, Koukol (Terry Downes of "A Study in Terror"), and sends Alfred off to follow the deformed fellow. Alfred doesn't get far, especially after the hunchback appears to dine on dog. At the inn, Shagal likes to slip out of bed late at night and sneak up to bundle up with Magda, the Maid (Fiona Lewis of "Otley"), but Shagal's wife Rebecca (Jessie Robins of "Billy Liar") has her suspicions. She tries to catch him in the act, but clobbers the inquisitive Abronsius by mistake. He never learns who struck. Ironically, Shagal manages to conceal himself and his vast bulk behind the door in Magda's room. Sarah pays the price of bathing one time too often, and she is cavorting in bubbles when the skylight opens and Count von Krolock (Ferdy Mayne of "Where Eagles Dare") descends, in his regal Bela Lugosi cloak, and takes a bite out of her beautiful throat. Shagal goes off to avenge Sarah and comes back dead and drained. Meanwhile, Alfred has become infatuated with Sarah, and Abronsius and he set off for the Count's castle to rescue her. When they blunder into the castle, the vampire patriarch awaits them and has rooms prepared for them.
You can tell that this vampire spoof is different when a nubile young lady tries to ward off a thirsty vampire with a crucifix and the vampire dismisses her efforts with a chuckle because he is Jewish: "Oy, hev you got the wrong vampire!" The ironic ending is a big plus, too.